Jack Handy > Quotes

“Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes”
― Jack Handy

“If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.”
― Jack Handy

“If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go...because man, they're gone!”
― Jack Handy

“Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad. And then I think, "Aw, who cares?" And then I think, "Hey, what's for supper?”
― Jack Handy

“If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness.”
― Jack Handy

“During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were "just going down to the corner".”
― Jack Handy

“I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.”
― Jack Handy

“~ “It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.”
― Jack Handy

“Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes.”
― Jack Handy

“You know what would make a good story ?

Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he’s real sad.

Also, he has severe diarrhea.”
― Jack Handy, Deep Thoughts

“Humans are evolving into a higher form and a lower form at the same time.
Confused?
Then guess which one you are……”
― Jack Handy, Deep Thoughts

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you still have their shoes” - Jack Handy”
― Jack Handy, Deep Thoughts

“Consider the daffodil…….

And while you’re doing that, I’ll be over here, looking through your stuff.”
― Jack Handy, Deep Thoughts

“This is a dumb quote.”
― Jack Handy