L.G. Estrella > Quotes

“Well, if nothing else goes right during this mission, I can honestly say that I am fulfilling one of the dreams that every necromancer has–zombie pirates.”
― L.G. Estrella, Two Necromancers, a Dragon, and a Vampire

“Humanity’s first faster-than-light spacecraft crashed into Pluto and vaporised a significant portion of it. Oops.

Pluto’s status as a planet had been a matter of contention since the early twenty-first century and had come close to starting the fourth world war at the beginning of the twenty-second century. Making it even smaller did absolutely nothing to help the situation, and humanity came five minutes, and one hasty phone call, from another world war.”
― L. G. Estrella

“In a fight to the death, the only thing that matters is that the other bastard ends up dead and you don’t.”
― L.G. Estrella, Two Necromancers, a Dwarf Kingdom, and a Sky City

“The Council aren’t limp-dicked idiots – they’re senile, old bastards.” “I was hoping you’d react more positively.” Gerald thumbed through a negotiating handbook that he’d summoned with his magic. There was nothing in it about dealing with ornery elves that were overly fond of fire.”
― L.G. Estrella, Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Elf

“Magic is all well and good, but there are times when a high level of cardiovascular fitness is better.”
― L.G. Estrella, Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Elf

“the average necromancer is forced to run from angry villagers at least seven times over the course of their life, which may explain why so few necromancers are overweight.”
― L.G. Estrella, Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Elf

“You, sir, are an idiot! Your father was an idiot! Your grandfather was an idiot! And while I’ve never met your great grandfather, I’m sure that he was an idiot too since idiocy like yours is so incredibly vast that it can’t possibly be due to just the environment. It would need a strong genetic determinant since no environment could ever produce an idiot as big as you!”
― L.G. Estrella, The Galactic Peace Committee

“On the upside, the changes to his armour had managed to preserve his modesty. Timmy had always been of the opinion that fighting naked people was extremely awkward.”
― L.G. Estrella, Two Necromancers, an Army of Golems, and a Demon Lord

“People often said that the only certainties in life were death and taxes. As a necromancer, Timmy knew better. Taxes were the only certainty in life, especially when they were collected by an agency that was remarkably bloodthirsty and well organised.”
― L.G. Estrella, Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Elf

“This isn’t a sparring session or a training exercise. In this situation, fighting fair is a great way to end up dead.”
― L.G. Estrella, Two Necromancers, a Dragon, and a Vampire

“Young men dreamed of their place in history. Old men wondered when they would be history.”
― L.G. Estrella, Two Necromancers, a Dragon, and a Vampire

“His foes, it seemed, were no match for strategies so dementedly bad that only an inebriated vampire could ever have conceived them.”
― L.G. Estrella, Attempted Vampirism

“My master has a saying: there are plenty of things out there that want to kill you. Don’t give them any help, and don’t do them any favours.”
― L.G. Estrella, Two Necromancers, a Dwarf Kingdom, and a Sky City

“A dragon with a sore tooth was an irritable dragon, and an irritable dragon usually resulted in a dead everything else.”
― L. G. Estrella, The Hungry Dragon Cookie Company

“They were cut off by a terrified scream as Gerald looked at the sandcastle before grabbing his face and clawing at his eyes. “Ah! What is that?” “Too late.”
― L.G. Estrella, The Hungry Dragon Cookie Company

“Why does it have to be spiders?”
― L. G. Estrella, Two Necromancers, a Dragon, and a Vampire

“Do not seek war lightly, but if you must fight, commit to it fully.”
― L.G. Estrella, Two Necromancers, a Dwarf Kingdom, and a Sky City

“You can do almost anything to anybody if you don’t think they’re a person.”
― L.G. Estrella, The Trouble With Eldritch Entities

“wasn’t Avraniel the least bit embarrassed about saying things like that about the anatomy of her opponents? And Katie was absolutely sure that what Avraniel had just suggested the ogre do with its club was anatomically impossible. Her eyes widened, and her jaw dropped. Apparently, it wasn’t anatomically impossible. It was just extremely fatal. Antics”
― L. G. Estrella, Two Necromancers, a Dragon, and a Vampire

“Magic is all well and good, but there are times when a high level of cardiovascular fitness is better. For”
― L.G. Estrella, Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Elf

“He was the epitome of a scruffy prison guard, and now he was the epitome of a scruffy prison guard who was flying through the air like a ragdoll with a face that was even less handsome than before – and he’d not been good looking by any measure whatsoever.”
― L.G. Estrella, Two Necromancers, a Dragon, and a Vampire

“like a pack of hungry lions after a one-legged gazelle.”
― L.G. Estrella, Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Elf

“He stroked his imaginary beard.”
― L.G. Estrella, Two Necromancers, an Army of Golems, and a Demon Lord

“Rather than get mad over something I can’t change, I’m simply trying to get by.”
― L.G. Estrella, Attempted Vampirism

“Since he didn't enjoy having things with so many teeth and claws trying to kill him, he summoned the first thing he could think of with his magic and tossed it at the mutants. Unfortunately for him, it was a pogo stick.”
― L.G. Estrella, Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Elf

“With age comes experience, and experience can make a sage out of even the most foolish man.”
― L.G. Estrella, Attempted Rescuing

“It reminded him of ripples spreading across the surface of a pond. A small stone – the tiniest of actions – could result in great changes in the future.”
― L.G. Estrella, Attempted Rescuing

“Relying on luck to survive is a great way to end up dead.”
― L.G. Estrella, The Trouble With Eldritch Entities

“judge a man by what he can give, not merely what he has given. A pauper’s gift may seem small compared to a king’s, but a single copper coin may be worth more to them than a chest of gold to a king.”
― L.G. Estrella, Attempted Rescuing

“If people are only willing to worship gods because of the grand temples built in their name, then is it the gods they worship or the temples?”
― L.G. Estrella, Attempted Rescuing