D.B.C. Pierre > Quotes

“The problem with learning the truth about things is that you lose the confidence that comes from being dumb.”
― D.B.C. Pierre, Vernon God Little

“I sense a learning: that much dumber people than you end up in charge.”
― D. B. C. Pierre, Vernon God Little

“God knows I tried my best to learn the ways of this world, even had inklings we could be glorious; but after all that's happened, the inkles ain't easy anymore. I mean - what kind of fucken life is this?”
― D.B.C. Pierre, Vernon God Little

“Imagine the spirit as a mansion. You’ll guess we don’t use many rooms. Apart from a few moments in childhood we don’t dance around it in sunlight. But there’s a traffic of things in and out, and what happens is that unwanted bulks can gather inside. Gather and gather, menacing us. Unable to shift them, we hide in ever-smaller spaces. And in our last hole, life offers a choice: to play out our demise in parallel theatres - psychosis, zealotry, religion, cancer, addiction - or to bow quietly out. But beware: life doesn’t ask these high questions when we’re confident and fresh - it waits for hopelessness.”
― D.B.C. Pierre, Lights Out in Wonderland

“She said Mom closed up the house one day, turned the oven on full, and sat by its open door. Apparently it's still a Cry For Help, even though our oven's electric.”
― D.B.C. Pierre

“There isn’t a name for my situation. Firstly because I decided to kill myself. And then because of this idea:

I don’t have to do it immediately.

Whoosh, through a little door. It’s a limbo.

I need never answer the phone again or pay a bill. My credit score no longer matters. Fears and compulsions don’t matter. Socks don’t matter. Because I’ll be dead. And who am I to die? A microwave chef. A writer of pamphlets. A product of our time. A failed student. A faulty man. A bad poet. An activist in two minds. A drinker of chocolate milk, and when there’s no chocolate, of strawberry and sometimes banana.”
― DBC Pierre

“Don’t be lookin up at no sky for help. Look down here, at us twisted dreamers.”
― D.B.C. Pierre

“History's best thinkers eventually concluded that our flaws were too powerful to trust with freedom. Thus we've been groomed as hamsters in a wheel that benefits a laughing few. No more great works will be accomplished under the regime, because beauty is not democratic or profitable.”
― DBC Pierre

“For all the sirens, game-show buzzers, and drum-rolls of life, it is the nature of men to die quietly.”
― D.B.C. Pierre, Vernon God Little

“Boy you really missed the boat. I’ll make it simple, so’s even fuckin you can understand. Papa God growed us up till we could wear long pants; then he licensed his name to dollar bills, left some car keys on the table, and got the fuck outta town”. Water rushes to his eye-holes. “Don’t be lookin up at no sky for help. Look down here, at us twisted dreamers”. He takes hold of my shoulders, spins me around, and punches me towards the mirror on the wall. “You’re the God. Take responsibility. Exercise your power”
― DBC Pierre

“And here I'm struck by an epiphany so monstrous in its scale, so blinding in its effect that I feel my skin has turned inside out under the sun, that my innards possess magnetic qualities able to call vast fortunes together. And it's this: anything can happen if I want it to.”
― D.B.C. Pierre

“Every forty-three blinks, the flashing lights on the police cars that follow my van into Houston synchronize. They flash separately for a few turns, then start flashing in series, like leading-in lights. Then, for a second, they all flash at once. What I learn as I’m driving into Houston under the low, still clouds, and choppers, for the first day of my trial, is that life works the same way. Most of the time you feel the potential for synchrony, but only once in a while do things actually synch up.”
― D.B.C. Pierre

“Looking around, I wonder what is it that makes my fellows able to bear such a life. How can they face the day, when I can't? Is there some secret to living that makes its conditions irrelevant? A neutering of expectation, a mastery of the mundane? Or have they just grown accustomed to rape?”
― DBC Pierre

“She gets that fabulous edge that girls get to their voices, the edge that spells oncoming Tantrum From the Bowels of Hell, that says, 'I'll scratch the heavens down around you and suck the fucken air from your lungs and spit you to fucken hell and you know it.”
― D.B.C. Pierre, Vernon God Little

“This would never happen to Van Damme. Heroes never shit. They only fuck and kill.”
― D.B.C. Pierre, Vernon God Little : a 21st century comedy in the presence of death

“If I was president of the Slime Committee, I'd make it easier to come clean about shit. If coming clean is what you're supposed to do, then it should be made more fucken accessible, I say.”
― D.B.C. Pierre

“Aim for a million bucks, you suddenly need a billion. I upgraded my computer, but it wasn't enough. No matter what, it ain't fucken enough in life, that's what I learned”
― D.B.C. Pierre

“What I'am learning is the world laughs through its ass every day, then just lies double-time when shit goes down. It's like we're on a Pritikin diet of fucken lies. I mean - what kind of fucken life is this?”
― DBC Pierre, Vernon God Little

“Where TV lets you down, I’m discovering, is by not convincing you how things really work in the world. Like, do buses stop anywhere along the road, to pick up any kind of asshole, or do you have to be at a regular bus stop?”
― D.B.C. Pierre, Vernon God Little : a 21st century comedy in the presence of death

“School never teaches you about this mangled human slime, it slays me. You spend all your time learning the capital of Surinam while these retards carve their initials in your back.”
― D.B.C. Pierre, Vernon God Little

“What happens with sassy music is you get floated away from yourself, then snap back to reality too hard. I hate that. The only antidote is to just stay depressed.”
― D.B.C. Pierre, Vernon God Little : a 21st century comedy in the presence of death

“I sense a learning: that much dumber people than you end up in charge. Look at the way things are. I'm no fucken genius or anything, but these
spazzos are in charge of my every twitch. What I'm starting to think is maybe only the dumb are safe in this world, the ones who roam with the herd,
without thinking about every little thing. But see me? I have to think about every little fucken thing.”
― D.B.C. Pierre, Vernon God Little

“Free-market economics is an antiquated, smutty and careless box of tricks whose whimsical main flaw is clear even to a child. Still look how many adults fall breathlessly with lust to its promise -- even though they must abandon empathy and moral judgment to embrace it.

"Their dirty secret puts all their intelligence to work throwing dust in the air around one glaring truth: that without trickery or eroding value, without extortion, manipulation, deceit or outright theft -- profit will simply not perpetually grow.”
― Dbc Pierre

“Son of a stadium full of bitches.”
― D.B.C. Pierre, Vernon God Little : a 21st century comedy in the presence of death

“Die freie Marktwirtschaft ist ein veralteter, schmuddeliger und ungepflegter Zauberkasten, dessen Hauptmanko schon jedem Kind klar ist. Sehen Sie nur, wie viele Erwachsene immer noch atemlos vor Lust seinen Versprechungen erliegen – obwohl sie ihre gesamte Intelligenz aufbieten müssen, um ausreichend Staub um diese eine glasklare Wahrheit aufzuwirbeln; dass ohne Tricks und Wertverfall, ohne Erpressung, Manipulation, Betrug und unverhohlenen Diebstahl der Profit einfach nicht kontinuierlich wachsen will.”
― D. B. C. Pierre

“A sob pops in my throat. I choke it, and look around for a harmless visual distraction, but all I see is a stocky young woman with a baby, a few seats up. The baby is pulling the woman's hair, and she is faking this look of terror.

'Oh no', she says, 'How can you do that to mommy?'

She pretends to bawl, but the baby laughs and gurgles like a psycho, and pulls even harder. I'm witnessing a fresh knife being laid into a brand-new soul. A training dagger. A maternity blade. Here's his mom quietly opening up the control incision, completely innocent in her dumbness to the world.

'Oh no, you've killed Mommy, Mommy's gone!' She plays dead.

The little guy giggles for a minute, but only that long. Then he senses something's wrong. She ain't waking up. He killed her, she abandoned him, just like that, over a pull of hair. He pokes her with his finger, he gets ready to bawl. And there you have it: he takes the handle into his own tiny hands and pulls in his first blade, right up to the hilt. Just to bring her back. And sure enough, with the splash of his first tear, she wakes right up.
'Ha, ha, I'm still here! Ha, ha it's Mommy!'
Ha, ha, that's the Scheme of Things.”
― D.B.C. Pierre, Vernon God Little

“A movie grants a visa. A book makes you a citizen.”
― DBC Pierre, Release the Bats: Writing Your Way Out Of It

“- ზოგჯერ საზოგადოებრივ აზრს უფრო მეტი გავლენა აქვს, ვიდრე შენ გგონია. ხალხს სამართლიანობის ზეიმის დანახვა სწყურია და მაგის არდანახვა არ შეიძლება. ჰოდა, მეც გეუბნები: მიეცი ხალხს ის, რაც სწყურია და რასაც მოელის.
- მერე, მე რო მართლა არაფერი არ დამიშვებია?
- ნწ, ეგ ჯერჯერობით არავინ არ იცის. ადამიანები დასკვნებს ხან ფაქტების საფუძველზე აკეთბენ, ხანაც - ფაქტების არარსებობის მიუხედავად. შენ თუ შენი სოროდან არ გამოძვერი და მაგათ შენი საკუთარი პარადიგმა არ მოუხაზე, შენ მაგივრად სხვა მოუხაზავს და მაშინ შენც მოგეხაზება.
- ვერ გავიგე, რა უნდა მოვხაზო?
- პა-რა-დიგ-მა. პარადიგმული გადატანა არასოდეს არ გაგიგია? აჰა, მაგალითი: ხედავ კაცს, რომელიც ბებიასენს ხელს ტრაკში უყოფს. რას იფიქრებ?
- მე მაგის დედა...
- ვერც ვერავინ გაგამტყუნებს, მართალი ხარ. მაგრამ მერე იგებ, რო თურმე ბებოს ტრაკში რაღაცა შხამიანი ხოჭო შეძრომია და იმ ღვთისნიერ კაცს თავისი ზიზღიანობა დავიწყებია და ბებიაშენი გადაურჩენია. ეხლა რაღას იტყვი?
- გმირი ყოფილა.
ამას ეგრევე ეტყობა, რო ბებიაჩემი არ უნახავს.
- აი, ზუსტად ეგ არის პარადიგმული გადატანა. ქმედება არ შეცვლილა, შეიცვალა ინფორმაცია, რომელმაც მომხდარი სულ სხვა კუთხით დაგანახვა. ცოტა ხნის წინ მზად იყავი ტიპი მიგეთეთქვა, ეხლა კი გინდა მიხვიდე და ხელი ჩამოართვა.
- არა, არ მინდა.
- გადატანითი მნიშვნელობით გეუბნები, შე პატარა ვირისთავო, შენა, - იცინის და მუცელში მუშტს ისე მაზელს, რო ნეკნები შესამოწმებელი მიხდება, - ტელევიზორიდან ფაქტები შავ და თეთრ ფერებში აღიქმება, მაგრამ ყველაფერი ეგრე მარტივად რო დალაგდეს, მაგისთვის პროფესიონალების მთელ გუნდს ნაცრისფერი გორების ქექვა უხდება. საკუთარი თავის მიწოდება უნდა შეგეძლოს. იცი, დღეს ვინ ზის ციხეებში? ზუსტად ის ხალხი, ვინც თავისი თავის მიწოდება ვერ მოახერხა.”
― D.B.C. Pierre, Vernon God Little

“It just wasn't enough, in the end, I guess. The day he got his first thousand dollars, the neighbors must've got ten. Aim for a million bucks, you suddenly need a billion. I upgraded my computer, but it wasn't enough. No matter what, it ain't fucken enough in life, that's what I learned.”
― D.B.C. Pierre, Vernon God Little

“Her soul's already knotted over the choice of side-order, you can tell. She'll end up getting coleslaw anyway, on account of Mom says it's healthy. It's vegetables, see. Me, I need something healthier today. Like the afternoon bus out of town.”
― D.B.C. Pierre, Vernon God Little