William Gregory > Quotes

“Then there’s everything else. There are a ton of little things to keep in mind—having the right diapers on hand, ensuring you get their medicines, understanding their bed times, how they like their baths—a million things that are both unique to the child.”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“You will begin the process of being a brand spanking new parent while at the same time, your child’s case winds its way through the red tape and bureaucracy of state government. Suffice it to say, if the home study portion of the process is the one most in your control, this phase, where you work through the legal process of your state to finalize your adoption is often the part where you’re least in control.”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“most of the cases follow a similar path that has four pretty distinct phases—the home study phase, the licensing phase, the matching phase and the finalization phase. Regardless of your state or your agency, you’ve generally got to successfully navigate these four parts of the process to complete your adoption through the foster care system.”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“Third, know that the terms of the open adoption agreement that you sign are totally up to you and birth parent. You can determine (for instance) how many visits a year you have with the birth parent, the length of those visits, who can attend those visits, if they change at a certain age, or if you’re able to exchange pictures and gifts at holidays—any aspect of interaction with the birth parent and the child can be detailed (and should be) in this document. Your social worker will work with the birth parent’s lawyer to come forth with a proposal; your caseworker (and a lawyer if you want to engage with one) can also propose what you are comfortable with and you negotiate until you come to an agreement.”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“sure you get a list of the requirements and regulations in your state and get a head start on making any changes you know you’re going to have to make. This way you can budget both time and money depending on what they are. It could be as easy as buying a lock for your door, or as detailed as some major home renovation.”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“Remembering that your goal here is to have a smooth transition into your home for your child, do talk to your adoption caseworker about strategy and what the best transition for you and your child will be. You’ll want to immediately plug into the routine that they’ve been in if possible,”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“Of the four phases in the foster-to-adopt process, completing your home study is the phase that’s most likely to be under your control.”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“Adoptive foster parents. So we’re finally to your category, where you’re most likely to fit into this crazy process—it’s where we fit in as well. As you can see from the list, you’re kind of at the end of the line. This last category of foster parent is the one whom the state accesses once a permanency plan has been considered for a child. That means, once they’ve decided a child needs a permanent home that’s not their birth parent home you could be called.”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“These foster homes are often considered longer term homes, as children placed may be hard to match with adoptive parents. The state often provides these care givers with special assistance for the child and in some cases these homes may be the best place for a child to reside until they reach legal age.”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“four phases for you to go through, four tests of your endurance, patience, resolve, fear and stamina—all”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“The other types of foster parenting choices aren’t inherently set up to provide a permanent home—they’re there to bridge the gap by offering help with urgent care for the child, or to provide them with some stability while the parents work on their issues.”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“I think if we’re not sure we’re ever going to become parents that we shut off this part of our mind and don’t allow ourselves to even venture into a toy aisle or the diaper aisle to see what’s what. Somehow we don’t feel like we have the “right” to be there.”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“This is one of those life experiences that is going to have an endless number of twists and turns (see above). And while it’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day minutia of this process, I encourage you to periodically remind yourself that you will eventually be a parent and this process will conclude. It really will.”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“getting a check-up is an important step in the home study process”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“Prescription and OTC drugs. Much like alcohol and weapons, the last thing you need is for your child to get into the medicine cabinet when you turn your head. This happens more often than not and like the example above, is 100% preventable. Many states will require you to also secure your medicines in a locked place as well.”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“Intake foster parents. These homes are usually the first places a child will go when they are removed from their parental home. Think of these homes as the “first responders.” These are the people who get a call in the middle of the night asking if they can take a child (or children) in right away. And as we learned, these homes are often for placements of children that are only needed for a short period of time.”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“you’re a fan of roller coasters, you’ll really enjoy what you’re about to get into.”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“You’ll want to make the space as comfortable as possible for your new little one. And if they’re older than an infant, they may be coming with some of their own things, so don’t over decorate.”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“Adopting through foster care is one of those life events that is unique unto itself and it comes with its own set of variables that will never replicate themselves in the exact same way again.”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“start with some more general types of books that deal with issues that every adoptive parent will face—issues of attachment, how to deal with the feelings of an adoptive child, etc. Of course there is no shortage of books that deal with any medical or educational issue that your child may face, so those will always be at your disposal when you need them.”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“You’re going to need time to learn everything about your child— their likes, their fears, and their favorite superhero characters.”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“Special needs foster parents. I happen to think that any foster parents who take in children in need are pretty amazing in their own right. But we have a very special place in our hearts for those people who, for a variety of reasons (be it their calling in life or they have a medical specialty and training) provide homes for children who are developmentally challenged or have special needs.”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“It’s very easy to forget that while the most visible and real issues are between the birth parents and the state, there is another party to the proceedings—your child. Now of course they may be too young to really understand what is happening, but that does not mean that they don’t have rights.”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“the foster-to-adopt experience is not one of those times where trying to skate by with a bare minimum of knowledge is going to cut it. There are just too many decisions, too many forks in the road, too many implications to not be on top of your game. And really, this is probably one thing in life where you DO want to be on top of your game. It’s a crazy enough situation when you know what you’re doing! Not having an understanding of the system, the politics, or the twists and turns would be maddening at least and at most, could result in you making a bad decision or a mistake that has long term consequences on your life and the life of your child. So I hate to break it to you if you thought you’d picked up your last textbook back in school, but there are several steps along the way where you’ll need to do some research in order to ensure that things go as smoothly as possible.”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“All things related to fire safety. A lot of the certification is focused on fire safety,”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“having a regular call or meeting with defined next steps is critical. If things start to slip you can identify them and deal with them, instead of living with a whole lot of mounting frustration at not hearing any news (as was often the case for us personally).”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“you’ll be asked to provide tax returns, paystubs and likely an employment verification letter if you are employed by another organization and not self-employed.”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“Introduce the child to the pet carefully and be prepared for the child to be scared of the pet or to need some time to be comfortable around them. Ensure your pet can smell your child’s things and that your pet sees your child as an extension of you as a new leader of the “pack; not as a threat to them or their space.”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“There’s a very natural tendency (that we’ve certainly experienced) for adoptive parents to want to become the sole identified parent for their child right away, to the point where you want your child only to acknowledge you and your family as their own and not their birth family. Especially if the adoption process has been a difficult or contentious one, it may be that you as the adoptive parent feel a bit threatened by the continued presence of the birth parent in your child’s life, even if it’s as infrequent as a once-yearly visit. But as I’m sure you’ll read the current thinking is very focused on the overall benefits to the child of having this process no longer cloaked in the shadows, but out in the open.”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze

“the primary goal that every state agency will have in this process is to keep the child with their birth family—in every case. It’s literally in their mission statement in some state agencies.”
― William Gregory, Adopting Through Foster Care: Lessons & Reflections From our Journey Through the Maze