Joe Zieja > Quotes

“Rogers paused for a moment as he realized that this was officially the first “working lunch” of his life. He immediately began to understand a lot of things about suicide.”
― Joe Zieja, Mechanical Failure

“Rogers could recognize the shadow of a muffin anywhere.”
― Joe Zieja, Mechanical Failure

“A fair-skinned man with a cherub face, he had taken quite some time to grow it, and taking good care of his beard was Priority Number One. Well, maybe Priority Number Fourteen; he had lost his list somewhere on the Awesome (and he rarely paid attention to it, anyway). Maybe he could get “them” to bring him a trimmer and a mirror, whoever “they” were. By god, he hated putting pronouns in imaginary quotes. The”
― Joe Zieja, Mechanical Failure

“The last traces of his intellect would vanish as his body no longer put oxygen into his brain. Then he’d be promoted to colonel and run the personnel squadron. It was an inevitable chain of events.”
― Joe Zieja, Mechanical Failure

“Stacks of papers appeared without explanation, thrown into the air as people ran for the door.”
― Joe Zieja, Mechanical Failure

“Rogers got up, grabbing his bottle of Jasker 120, and shouted at his copilot.”
― Joe Zieja, Mechanical Failure

“Stop,” he said, “we need your help.” “There is no god!” she shouted.”
― Joe Zieja, Mechanical Failure

“Humanity probably thought it was pretty advanced by now; they’d conquered interstellar and intergalactic travel, blowing up an entire galaxy in its wake, and popping into space as easily as one would pop a flash-frozen meal into a microwave for dinner. Science had eradicated scores of diseases that had annihilated populations, the extinction of animal species had practically been halted completely, and dishwashers could get peanut butter completely off spoons. Yet, walking through Haverstown, one would have a hard time imagining that this detritus of mankind had ever managed to escape the gravity of a couch, never mind an entire planet.”
― Joe Zieja, System Failure

“something rapidly approaching a field grade officer, the point at which all men of reasonable intelligence had a full frontal lobotomy and were awarded commands of large units.”
― Joe Zieja, Mechanical Failure

“every Thelicosan emperor is given the name of a famous mathematician, such as Euclid, Fibonacci, or Kim Jong Un.”
― Joe Zieja, Mechanical Failure

“Oh my god,” Rogers said. “I’m being promoted twice.”
― Joe Zieja, Mechanical Failure

“Shit,” came a voice from behind him. “I didn’t know we were meeting in New Jersey.”
― Joe Zieja, Communication Failure

“By god, he hated putting pronouns in imaginary quotes.”
― Joe Zieja, Mechanical Failure

“Popcorn is a miracle of physics, thermodynamics, and nature,” Keffoule said. “The kernels are like snowflakes in that each is unique, and therefore special, but they were formed by such an exact process that it could have been no other way.”
― Joe Zieja, Communication Failure

“Don’t get arithmetic-ish with me,” Brooks said. “I know how to count!”
― Joe Zieja, Mechanical Failure