Lorna Hecker > Quotes

“Conversely, ND spouses often find that their partner initially marveled at their abilities, enjoyed their idiosyncrasies, and “got” them in ways others did not. They felt accepted and safe to be themselves. As this safety grew, they became more comfortable with being who they are, only to find their partner complaining that they are distant and not putting the energy into the relationship as they once did. The criticism grows, and with each interaction, what was once a safe haven becomes a jarring experience on the nervous system, activating the fight-flight-or-freeze response. The nervous system’s response to potential threat causes the ND person to withdraw, further threatening reliability and safety of the relationship for the NT person, who often responds with more of the same (elevated requests, threats, or demands).”
― Lorna Hecker, Different Planets: Understanding Your Neurodiverse Relationship