W.R. Spicer > Quotes

“The more you sweat in peacetime, the less you bleed in war.” ”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine Book 4 Harrier

“I had a little trouble doing an about face on a carpet while wearing tennis shoes, but managed not to fall on my face as I left his office.”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine, Book 1, Stripes to Bars

“I could see the flashing lights of a police car, some type of van, and about a half dozen “Bobbies” all running around like the Keystone Cops.  One of the “Bobbies” was dressed in a large padded suit, the type used to train attack dogs.  It wasn’t until I actually got to the square that I realized that the “Keystone Bobbies” were chasing MY DOG!!!  He was doing a great job of eluding them all, and according to one of the onlookers, had been doing so for quite a while.      The British are great dog lovers but a German shepherd for some reason places great fear in their hearts, probably a holdover from the war.  I’d seldom seen that breed of dog here and had never seen one on the loose.  According to the bystander this one had been loose for some time and had been generally panicking people all around the square.      I broke into a run and crossed the street into the square itself and started screaming “LICKY, LICKY, HERE BOY!!!” Licky was on the far side of the square with the “Bobbie” wearing the padded outfit in hot pursuit.  At the sound of my voice he made an instant turn and on the dead run came straight at me.  He skidded to a halt in front of me, obviously terrified and really glad to see me.  I gave him the hand signal and at the same time shouted “Sit,” and he did.”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine Book 3 ON HER MAJESTY'S SERVICE

“We also learned that Joe had been in the Navy for about 8 years, then got out and worked for the Border Patrol in the Yuma area for another 8 and then quit to go into real estate.  She said, “He’d just got tired of chasing down poor Mexicans trying to find a better life.” ”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine Book 4 Harrier

“It was hot, there was no shade, and we were once again waiting on “the word”.  Everyone was bitching about getting water or getting into the shade.  The staff sergeant in charge of this detail was afraid to let anyone wander away in case the plane arrived.  No one was having any luck in trying to get him to understand that if we die of thirst or a burst bladder, there would be no one to catch the damn airplane anyway. ”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine, Book 1, Stripes to Bars

“I was just about to suggest to Barry that we stop for a moment and go rescue Marguerite when I realized it was too late.      Marguerite was carrying a small evening bag, like a clutch purse, and I saw her wind up and throw it down onto the floor.  At the same time I heard her almost scream, “ALL RIGHT YOU SONOFABITCH, I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD!!”  It was loud enough that everyone heard her and even the band stopped to see what was going on.      With the index finger of her right hand she began poking this guy in the center of his chest and backing him up at the same time, all the while shouting at the top of her lungs, “If it wasn’t for the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA and the men who fought and died to help keep your country free, YOU would be living on the tiniest GERMAN SPEAKING ISLAND OF THE THIRD REICH!!!  DON’T EVER LET ME HEAR YOU SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT MY COUNTRY AGAIN, IN FACT DON’T EVER SAY ANYTHING TO ME AGAIN, NOD IF YOU UNDERSTAND !!!”       She had pushed him back against the bar and he was now leaning over backwards about as far as he could lean and she was still poking him in the chest.  The room was completely silent.  I said to Barry, “Excuse me a moment Barry, I think I need to go rescue one of your countrymen.”      She chuckled and said, “I doubt if anyone will care if you rescue that one.”      I went straight for Marguerite and the terrified LtCdr bent backwards over the bar.  As I approached them I scooped up her purse from the floor and said, “I believe this next dance is mine my dear.” I gave her my arm and we headed for the center of the dance floor and as we did the band started back up.  Everyone else picked right back up where they’d left off.     About twenty minutes later the Commander came up to us.  I had no idea what to expect but he had big smile on his face.      “William, I just wanted to thank you and your good lady for that lovely cocktail party at your quarters this evening and tell you how smart you both look in your ball outfits.  AND Marguerite, I think if we took a vote right now, most everyone in the room would want to award you a medal for setting that ‘Bloody’ man straight.  Well done.”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine Book 3 ON HER MAJESTY'S SERVICE

“You’d better be a good shipmate or Boats just might throw your ass over the side one night.  NOBODY questioned Boats. ”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine, Book 1, Stripes to Bars

“I’d taken German in college and thought I understood so I picked up our bags and we proceeded to what I thought was Bahn Drei.  We were about to board the train that was parked there when we heard a very loud shout to HALT!!  It was the Zugmeister.  He was shouting in German, and I finally said, “English bitte.”      Disgustedly he said, “You are on zee wrong platform and are trying to get on zee wrong train.  I told you Bahn Drei and you are on Bahn Funf. (5) Bahn Funf is ober der!”      I looked in the direction he pointed and there was no train.  I said, “There’s no train over there and we are supposed to be leaving here in 5 minutes.”  I was thinking in British Rail terms.      “Zat is zee Bahn fer der train to Munich and zer vill be a train on time for zer departure!”      “Ok, Ok, we’ll go over and wait there.  How long will it be before the train comes in?” This guy was about to bust a blood vessel.      “Zee train vill be der and leaf on time.”  He pointed at Bahn funf platform again and stomped off.”      Marguerite said, “You suppose he was in the German Army in the War?”      “What would be your first clue?”      “I can’t believe we didn’t get on the right platform, I thought you said you took German in college.”      “I did, but I got a C.”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine Book 3 ON HER MAJESTY'S SERVICE

“The concierge was about 5’7” tall, blond hair, slightly balding, steely blue eyes, steel rimmed glasses, mid-forties and totally devoid of any apparent sense of humor.  If this guy wasn’t a former SS officer I’d never see one.  I greeted him and told him what I wanted to do.  He looked at me very sternly and said, “Zo you vish to go to Zermatt, eh?”      It was as if he was saying, “Are you papers in order?”  It almost gave me a chill.  As an American you’re born into freedom.   You can’t imagine some government jerk or army officer questioning your right to go anywhere.  It was just a brief flash for what it must have been like during the war and I didn’t like it one damn bit.  It was a realization and I let it go.”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine Book 3 ON HER MAJESTY'S SERVICE

“The Lcdr said, “Could I help you?”      “Yes Sir, if the Admiral is not too busy I would like to say a quick hello.”      “I’m sorry; who did you say you are.”      “Spicer, Captain Spicer, USMC.”      I saw the Admiral’s head come up, and then he stood up and came around the desk and stood in the doorway to his office.      “For heaven’s sake!! Spicer, get your ass in here and tell me what the hell you’re doing in London.”      The Lcdr had a very startled look on his face and moved aside.  I mumbled a thank you to him and went straight back to the Admiral’s office.”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine Book 3 ON HER MAJESTY'S SERVICE

“Besides the food itself, there was one more thing that made these meals truly unique.  They were served on a set of very fine dinnerware commemorating the coronation of Edward the VIII, which never happened.       In 1936 he had abdicated the Throne of England to marry an American divorcee named Wallis Simpson.  Marguerite and I could not imagine the value of the dinner ware we were using but Joan said the family she worked for had been so disappointed when Edward abdicated; they relegated the dinnerware to “ordinary” use forever.  When Marguerite found out about the dinner ware she was near panicked that Katie would break something.”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine Book 3 ON HER MAJESTY'S SERVICE

“It was a source of income for the United Kingdom to have the German Panzer Battalions rent their ranges for training.      In fact Major Brown took it upon himself to increase those profits in any way he could.  As we were all gathering in the mess the first evening for drinks before dinner, he had champagne delivered to our little contingent of officers.  We made it very clear to him we didn’t order this and didn’t want the cost appearing on our mess bills.  With a quick wink and a smile he told us not to worry.     “The damn Panzer officers are drinking our beer dry, so I told them the Royal Navy pilots only drink champagne.  Not to be out done, the Panzer Battalion Commander has ordered that his officers shall drink champagne while you’re here.  I’m socking it to them on the cost, so yours is on the house.”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine Book 3 ON HER MAJESTY'S SERVICE

“Frick was the card palmer and Frak thought he’d perfected a card pass that was undetectable, but was about as subtle as a wet bar rag in the face.  When they cheated the dumb shits didn’t have enough sense to make sure they had the winning hands.  Frick would palm a jack or a couple of queens or Frak would hold back two or three tens.”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine Book 3 ON HER MAJESTY'S SERVICE

“He tried to remove it as gently as he could, but it wouldn’t budge so he gave it a pretty good jerk and it ripped the skin on my lip.  He got the butt all right, only now I could feel and taste the blood that was starting to drip down from my lip onto my survival vest.      “Christ, you’re bleeding, am I gonna have to Medivac you as well?  Hey Doc, Captain Spicer is bleeding heavily from his lip, what should I do?”      “Well Captain, you could put a tourniquet around his neck.”      “Naw, he looks gray in the face already. ”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine Book 2 ROTORHEADS

“One of the first things you had to know was the difference between “In Coming” and “Out Going”.  The first loud noises or explosions we heard had everyone jumping and getting ready to run for the bunkers.  A loud voice in the darkness shouted for us to relax, it was “Out Going”.  The voice was referring to artillery fire being shot away from our location and hopefully onto a Viet Cong location.  It was normally referred to as an H&I fire (Harassing and Interdiction).  Another voice in the darkness asked, “What does in coming sound like?” The loud voice in the darkness answered, “There will be no doubt in your mind when you hear it.  If you don’t hear it, you will most likely be dead.”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine, Book 1, Stripes to Bars

“Pax Romanus”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine, Book 1, Stripes to Bars

“Saturday’s schedule was our first personnel inspection, followed by what was labeled on the training schedule as a “Conditioning Hike”.  Hoffman and I translated that into a “very long run through the woods with all your gear”.”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine, Book 1, Stripes to Bars

“Our only landing aid was a human T made up of Royal Marines lying on the flight deck holding torches.  The theory being that if, as the pilot, if you got the descent angle correct, then the visual aid would look like a lighted T on the flight deck.  The correct angle would be about a 3 degree glide slope and the aircraft should arrive just short of the T in a hover.  Once in the hover the pilot would detach the under slung load, or land vertically to discharge passengers.       This didn’t work real well on the first couple of tries because our human T didn’t have quite the confidence in the pilots that was required for this, and as we drew close, and were at the very critical stages of our approach, our human T landing aid would appear to move or disintegrate completely.      We shut down for a while and after a “quiet word” from either the Commando Sergeant Major or one of the Colour Sergeants, our human landing aids quit moving and things worked out well.”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine Book 3 ON HER MAJESTY'S SERVICE

“We were pretty certain that the British wouldn’t be celebrating the 4th of July; it wouldn’t be one of their favorite days.  However, we were surprised to learn that the “Summer Ball” would be held on Saturday the 5th of July.  We’d jokingly said that it was nice of them to hold that ball on the 4th of July weekend and it seemed as if not only the whole squadron but damned near the whole base had picked up on our attempt at humor and received it very well.  Several of our friends and neighbors joked how nice it was of the Royal Navy to hold a ball for the Yanks on “Their Special Holiday Weekend.”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine Book 3 ON HER MAJESTY'S SERVICE

“At first light we were in the ammo dump and right on schedule my platoon showed up.  They were Marines, and as such, eager to get the job done.  That was the good news, the bad news was not a single one of them had ever seen a Harrier engine, I think some of them had never seen the engine in their parents car, but they could recognize shiny metal when they saw it and that would be good enough.  The Platoon Sgt had managed to scrounge up magnets from some place and when I asked him about the magnets he said, “Well Sir, ‘THEY’ said we’d be looking for something metal and I thought the magnets would certainly help out here in the bush, we can drag them around.”      “Outstanding Sgt, just goddamned OUTSTANDING.”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine Book 4 Harrier

“Then Staff Sergeant Alley said, “Are you stupid, candidate? You’ve got five shining examples of how a bunk is supposed to be made and yours looks like some shit ass kid at YMCA camp made it.  You’ve got 3 minutes to make it right.”      Candidate Myers just stood there.  He wasn’t used to being spoken to like this and I’m pretty sure he had no idea what to do.      Staff Sergeant Alley said, “Two minutes and forty-five seconds now, candidate.”      Myers was completely frustrated and couldn’t seem to do a thing.  Finally Staff Sergeant Alley grabbed Myers’ mattress and linen and threw it out into the middle of the squad bay.  He told Myers to start over.  He left the rest of us standing at the position of attention.”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine, Book 1, Stripes to Bars

“For some reason Jimmy was exceptionally quiet during the first leg of the flight.  The two divisions of four aircraft were a few minutes apart.  We could see the lead four but they were several miles ahead.  However, when we took the lead from Yeovilton to Manston he started into one of his running commentaries that sounded like a travel log.  He’d done this once before with me on an instructor navigational exercise and I’d damned near thrown the map out the window.  It was even worse this morning.      I think he’d named every pub we’d over flown; pin pointed a couple chip shops and was now going on about Canterbury Castle or something.  I’d had enough of this dribble.  I’d been dutifully passing heading and track information to him, keeping the time for each individual leg and he’d been taking absolutely no notice.  I said to him, “Do you even want this information?”      “Not really, I’m quite enjoying this.  Actually I believe I could go all the way to Detmold without the aid of a map.”      That did it for me; I slid the cockpit window back, wadded up the map, threw it out, and closed the window.      “Let’s see if you can.”      “What?  Did you just throw the map out the window?”      “Yes I did.”      “BLODDY HELL!! Why did you do that?!”      “You said you didn’t need it, and you weren’t paying attention anyway, so let’s see if you don’t.”      He started laughing and said, “So we shall I guess.”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine Book 3 ON HER MAJESTY'S SERVICE

“When we entered the library we were surprised to see two other people.  They were friends of Joan who would also be guests here for a part of the holiday.  Their first names were Helen and John and after that the only thing I heard was that she was the Justice of the Peace in Sherwood Forest and he was the Sheriff of Nottingham.      I looked at Tim first who was straight faced as usual, then at Marguerite and we both managed to suppress a grin or a laugh.  I almost said, “Ok, Ok, this shit has gone on long enough, SO we’re not gonna ask if Robin Hood will be here as well.”  Thank heavens I didn’t, because they were deadly serious and it was all true.”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine Book 3 ON HER MAJESTY'S SERVICE

“One grossly overweight young Sergeant I’d put on the PT and Personal Appearance platoon had written a letter complaining to his parents.  They wrote their congressman about how horrible I was treating their son, and we received a “CONGRINT” which stood for Congressional Interest inquiry.  This was a big deal; it got the attention of everyone from headquarters in Washington all the way down to the squadron.       When I showed it to Major Psaros he didn’t even blink.  He said, “Where is this guy?”      “Sir he’s a Sergeant down in radio repair and one hell of a technician.  He’s just a big chunky Italian looking kid and I think he came into the Marine Corps looking like a tub and they slimmed him down in boot camp.  But now he’s just reverted to his natural shape.  I bet his whole family looks just like this.  He’s not going to qualify for reenlistment because of his personal appearance and weight.  He’s one of the most productive technicians, but if he had to saddle up and go into combat I think he’d be a liability.”      “Get his ass up here and let me see what he looks like.”      I brought the Sergeant up to the CO’s office.  The Major took one look at him and said, “Marine, you look like a Technicolor Sea Bag in your uniform.  You’re fat and out of shape.  I’ll give you a month to start showing some major improvements or your career as a Marine will be coming to an end.”      After the Sergeant left Major Psaros told me to take a picture of him in his skivvies, front and side and bring him copies of all the appropriate Marine Corps orders on personal appearance and weight control.      The CO answered the CONGRINT with the pictures of the Sergeant in his skivvies and the copies of the orders.  He didn’t include anything else.  We never heard another word.”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine Book 4 Harrier

“By the time Sergeant Yoder told us to clear the head all but two guys were already in formation.  The last two were scrambling out the doors while trying to get their trousers up, trying to run and not trip.  The last guy had about two feet of toilet paper hanging out the back of his trousers.  Sergeant Yoder gave them a few seconds to get buckled up but said nothing to the kid with the dangling toilet paper.  I got the impression that amused him.”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine, Book 1, Stripes to Bars

“That stupid intercom was only one model removed from a string and two cans, it had been here so long no one knew where it came from, how it got installed and our best technician couldn’t fix it.  The only station that came in loud and clear was the CO’s office and you couldn’t reply to anyone. ”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine Book 4 Harrier

“An hour before the ceremony, I met up with Russ.  He immediately began trying to talk me out of getting married.  He kept it up all the way to the altar.  We were standing there waiting for Marguerite and her dad to walk down the aisle.  “Come on, Spice, you really don’t want to do this.  There are two exit doors right over there.  We can be out those doors and out of here in just a couple of seconds.  These clods won’t know what hit ‘em.”      “Russ, this is something I really want to do.”      At that very moment, the wedding march started.  I looked down the aisle to see Marguerite.  She was absolutely stunning.  I thought to myself how lucky I was to be here and about to marry someone that beautiful.      Russ said, “Never mind what I said.  I take it all back.  I just hope I can find someone like her someday.”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine, Book 1, Stripes to Bars

“The Royal Navy or any of the Royal Forces do not furnish medical care for the dependants of their servicemen and women.  The United Kingdom has Socialized Medicine. ”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine Book 3 ON HER MAJESTY'S SERVICE

“Last, but not least, he told us we damned well better be able to remember the combination.  If he had to cut the lock off because we didn’t remember the combination, he would put the disabled lock into our empty laundry bag, swing it around like a weapon and beat our sorry asses to death with our own broken lock. ”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine, Book 1, Stripes to Bars

“the Col slammed his canopy and immediately started his engine.  Lt Eicher was calling trying to tell him what the DASC had said but he either didn’t hear or wasn’t going to pay attention.  We could hear him doing his engine accels once he taxied onto the runway and in a flash he was rolling down the runway. The fog was low enough now that we couldn’t see the tops of the pine trees.  We heard the “Whoosh” of the nozzles being slammed down and watched the aircraft jump into the air and disappear into the fog.  I think we both waited for the sound of an ejection or crash but all we heard was the aircraft at full power climbing away.      Todd turned to me and said, “That may be the last time we’ll see that man alive.”      Poor Lt Eicher was horrified and looked at Major Eikenberry with this look on his face and said, “What do I do now?”
― W.R. Spicer, Sea Stories of a U.S. Marine Book 4 Harrier