Kevin Murphy > Quotes

“Alan was really depressed last night and even turned suicidal. He decided to call lifeline, hoping that someone might just help him. The call center got connected in Pakistan. When Alan told them he was suicidal, they got really excited and asked him if he knew how to drive a truck.   ***”
― Kevin Murphy, Jokes : Best Jokes 2016

“For the love of all that is holy and decent, do not see Town & Country. Not at a theater, not on video, not on cable, satellite, or broadcast television. Do not glance at it as it spills out from someone’s portable DVD player.”
― Kevin Murphy, A Year at the Movies: One Man's Filmgoing Odyssey

“Life amounts to what we experience, not what we consume, but I’m afraid we’ve become a nation of consumers.”
― Kevin Murphy, A Year at the Movies: One Man's Filmgoing Odyssey

“named my dog “10 miles”. So that I can say to people that I walked “10 miles” daily!   ***”
― Kevin Murphy, Jokes : Best Jokes 2016 [Best Of]

“Tell me what would you get if you crossed a snowman and a vampire? I figure, you would get frostbite.”
― Kevin Murphy, Jokes : Best Jokes 2016

“But one of the amazing and enduring things about cinema is its ability to take a frozen section of a period of time and allow us to recall moods and emotions we had and have no more.”
― Kevin Murphy, A Year at the Movies: One Man's Filmgoing Odyssey

“I once asked a rail engineer as to what was the whole point of having a train schedule, if the trains never bothered coming on time and were always late. The engineer said, “If we didn’t have a schedule, how would you know that they are running late.”
― Kevin Murphy, Jokes : Best Jokes 2016

“We have the attention spans of mayflies and our respect for personal space is somewhat less than that of the uniformed guys who pack commuters into the Tokyo subway cars.”
― Kevin Murphy, A Year at the Movies: One Man's Filmgoing Odyssey

“makes me think that we should get up a referendum asking Hollywood to give us all a break and put their money on new ideas.”
― Kevin Murphy, A Year at the Movies: One Man's Filmgoing Odyssey

“Be white”
― Kevin Murphy, A Year at the Movies: One Man's Filmgoing Odyssey

“Why do women like men who are smart, goal orientated and have a sense of humour? Because opposites attract. ***”
― Kevin Murphy, Jokes : Best Jokes 2016

“Father: So, children did you help your mom today? Son: I did dad, I dried the dishes. Daughter: And I helped him pick the pieces.”
― Kevin Murphy, Jokes : Best Jokes 2016

“John, please call me a taxi. John: okay, you are a taxi.”
― Kevin Murphy, Jokes : Best Jokes 2016

“Robin Williams has more real estate then Jimmy Stewart.”
― Kevin Murphy, A Year at the Movies: One Man's Filmgoing Odyssey

“If nothing else, Rocky Horror proves that the line between the scary and the plainly dumb is as old as the horror genre itself.”
― Kevin Murphy, A Year at the Movies: One Man's Filmgoing Odyssey

“Could you tell me what kind of doctor would be best to fix broken websites? What? A doctor for websites? Are you kidding me? Of course not. Visit an URLogist.”
― Kevin Murphy, Jokes : Best Jokes 2016

“Ever wondered as to what similarities do blondes and beer bottles have? Of course, I do. They are both empty from neck up.”
― Kevin Murphy, Jokes : Best Jokes 2016

“The rule of the 21st century says that deleting history is a lot more important than making it. ***   Do”
― Kevin Murphy, Jokes : Best Jokes 2016

“In the little town in southern America, a farmer knocked on his neighbor’s door. A little boy opened it. Farmer: “kid, is your dad home?” Kid: “no sir, he has gone to town.” Farmer: “well, then would your mom be around?” Kid: “well sir, no. She went along with dad to give him company.” Farmer: “and how about Alex, your brother? Is he home?” Kid: “he isn’t home too. I am alone here.” The farmer kept waiting, unaware what to say next and he nervously shifted his weight from one foot to another. Kid: “would you like me to help you anyway? I know the tools and I can help you borrow it or may be, take a message for someone, if you want?” Farmer: “Actually, I need to talk to your dad because Alex, your brother, knocked my daughter and you know she is pregnant.” The little kid kept thinking for a moment and said, “Well, you will need to talk to dad about it. He charges $200 for the bull and even $100 for the dog, but I have no clue what his rates are for Alex.”
― Kevin Murphy, Jokes : Best Jokes 2016

“Events such as this are not just movies, but genuine adventures; the films themselves when removed from their context amount to nothing. The company, the mood, the venue—they’re as integral to a moviegoing memory as they are to a romantic meal, a thrilling concert, a great ball game. Think”
― Kevin Murphy, A Year at the Movies: One Man's Filmgoing Odyssey

“wanted to ask the film if I should get out and push.”
― Kevin Murphy, A Year at the Movies: One Man's Filmgoing Odyssey

“Do you want to catch those pesky squirrels? Definitely! Then act like nuts!”
― Kevin Murphy, Jokes : Best Jokes 2016 [Best Of]

“Proof of Life (ActionDram 3.1, with a Meg Ryan plug-in) greatly bolsters my opinion that Meg Ryan has no talent other than being just as cute as a little button.”
― Kevin Murphy, A Year at the Movies: One Man's Filmgoing Odyssey

“Once a teenage girl was talking on her phone for nearly half an hour and then disconnected the call. Father: Wow that was quite quick. You rarely keep the phone so early. Everything okay? Girl: Yes dad. That was a just a wrong number.”
― Kevin Murphy, Jokes : Best Jokes 2016

“Who do you think Google is? A man or a woman? Of course she is a woman. She doesn’t lets you complete your sentence and interferes with her own suggestions.”
― Kevin Murphy, Jokes : Best Jokes 2016

“It faltered early in production, and a lot of money was thrown at it, kind of like the Vietnam War. At some point the decision was made to finish it, unlike the Vietnam War. And like the Vietnam War, it never should have been started.”
― Kevin Murphy, A Year at the Movies: One Man's Filmgoing Odyssey

“Police: do, you think you can identify yourself. The driver took out his mirror, looked at his face and said, “Yes, it is me.”
― Kevin Murphy, Jokes : Best Jokes 2016

“Whenever I stand on my head, the blood seems to rush to my head, but when I am on my feet why does the blood not rush to my feet? Oh it’s quite simple. It is because your feet are not empty, unlike your head.”
― Kevin Murphy, Jokes : Best Jokes 2016

“Why do you always garden at the night? I mean, isn’t it a day job? Oh I wish I could. The thing is every time my wife sings in bed; I go out to garden so my neighbors don’t get the idea that I indulge in domestic violence.”
― Kevin Murphy, Jokes : Best Jokes 2016

“If smug were an ocean, Dakkon would be its Poseidon.”
― Kevin Murphy, First Login