Donald Shaw > Quotes

“Hi, I am Enrique. I race sports car. I am a racist.”
― Donald Shaw, +300 Best Jokes: Dirty One-Liners and Funny Short Stories Collection

“couple drove down the road for a few miles speechless. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, so neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of pigs and goats the husband asked sarcastically, - Your relatives? - Yep, in-laws.”
― Donald Shaw, 300 Best Jokes: One-Liners and Funny Short Stories Collection

“Because”
― Donald Shaw, 300 Clean Jokes for Kids: Best One-Liners and Funny Short Stories Collection

“Where do I find a perfect man? - It depends… First, you need to understand what ‘PERFECT’ means to you. - I want a man who wakes up at 5 am, exercises, makes his own bed, doesn’t drink alcohol, always punctual, and goes to the bed at 9 pm. Where do I find him? - I know the place where you can find many of such men. - Where is that? I swear I will go and check tomorrow! - Great! Tomorrow you will go to JAIL!”
― Donald Shaw, 300 Best Jokes: One-Liners and Funny Short Stories Collection

“So you went to the doctor. What did he say? - He said I have to start killing people like my boss and my wife. - WHAT? - Well, not in those exact words. He said I need to reduce the stress in my life. But that’s exactly the same thing.”
― Donald Shaw, 300 Best Jokes: One-Liners and Funny Short Stories Collection

“Don’t forget to capitalize people’s names.”
― Donald Shaw, +300 Best Jokes: Dirty One-Liners and Funny Short Stories Collection

“I just read that 5,113,275 people got married last year. Math was not exactly my favorite subject at school, but shouldn't that be an even number?”
― Donald Shaw, 300 Best Jokes: Funny Joke Books for Adults and Teenagers Collection

“I love to ask strangers if I can pet their dog. If they say yes, I freeze for a moment and respond: “I will keep that in mind,” and walk off.”
― Donald Shaw, 300 Best Jokes: Funny Joke Books for Adults and Teenagers Collection

“I was washing my car when my neighbor walked by. He looked at me and said: - You washing your car? I did not know what to say. What kind of question is that? - No. I am watering it to see if it grows into a freaking bus.”
― Donald Shaw, 300 Best Jokes: One-Liners and Funny Short Stories Collection

“What's the difference between fried eggs and pea soup? - Anyone can fry eggs.”
― Donald Shaw, +300 Best Jokes: Dirty One-Liners and Funny Short Stories Collection

“If people from Finland are Finns, and people from Poland are Poles, people from Holland must be Holes.”
― Donald Shaw, +300 Best Jokes: Dirty One-Liners and Funny Short Stories Collection

“If someone’s mommy is from Cuba and daddy is from Iceland, there is a possibility he is an Ice Cube.”
― Donald Shaw, 300 Best Jokes: One-Liners and Funny Short Stories Collection

“The boy is asking the old man: - If you could give me just one advice, what that would be? - Ok, son. Remember this: if you have plans to change the world, do it now, while you are single. Once you are married, you cannot even change the TV channel.”
― Donald Shaw, +300 Best Jokes: Dirty One-Liners and Funny Short Stories Collection

“You look tired. - I’ve had a sleepless night. Could not sleep at all. - What’s the matter? - It was hard to put my phone down.”
― Donald Shaw, +300 Best Jokes: Dirty One-Liners and Funny Short Stories Collection

“Knowledge is knowing an eggplant and a bell pepper are fruits. Wisdom is not putting them in your fruit salad.”
― Donald Shaw, +300 Best Jokes: Dirty One-Liners and Funny Short Stories Collection

“- How do you like my new photo with dog filter in snapchat? - Oh, this was a filter? I should say you don’t even need a dog filter, dude!”
― Donald Shaw, +300 Best Jokes: Dirty One-Liners and Funny Short Stories Collection

“The research has shown when people clean their rooms they actually do 2% cleaning, 18% complaining about life, 80% playing with the stuff they have just found.”
― Donald Shaw, +300 Best Jokes: Dirty One-Liners and Funny Short Stories Collection

“Yo mama's so short, she falls through the holes”
― Donald Shaw, Yo Mama Jokes Encyclopedia: 201+ Funniest Yo Momma Jokes