Steven Campbell > Quotes

“I heard what sounded like twenty rockets exploding nearby, because twenty rockets exploded nearby.”
― Steven Campbell, Screw The Galaxy

“I took my autocannon off my back and swung it around to my front, holding it like I meant business. Every gun means business, that’s what they’re for. Laugh all you want at a little .22, you get shot by one you’re not laughing. But an autocannon that hurls a grenade four or eight or whatever miles, takes business to a whole other level. It was an advanced degree in business.”
― Steven Campbell, Basketful of Crap

“I've never really thought about a legacy. But for the last century it sounds like I was basically a bully with low blood sugar.”
― Steven Campbell, Screw The Galaxy

“Sometimes pretty women are like thugs from different gangs: they dislike each other on principle.”
― Steven Campbell, Screw The Galaxy

“I’m exactly the same person wasted as sober. I just sweat a lot more and spit when I talk.”
― Steven Campbell, Screw The Galaxy

“We had a good method for dealing with drunks provided there were few enough of them. We just blasted them with cold fire extinguishers for about twenty seconds. At first they would laugh. Then they would choke. Then they would feel their skin freezing. Your body is good at getting you undrunk really quick. Or at the least making you put your clothes back on and stop licking buildings.”
― Steven Campbell, Prince of Suck

“I hastened away like a little girl who saw a rat and it had pulled a knife on her.”
― Steven Campbell, Stank Delicious

“Oh. I’m probably not a good judge, but he seemed like he deserved a good shooting,” Gun said.”
― Steven Campbell, Stank Delicious

“Still, I couldn’t say sorry. That would make me look like some incompetent idiot—which I was—but I didn’t want them to know that. So I just held my ground and looked mean.”
― Steven Campbell, Suck My Cosmos

“Can you resurrect dead people?” I asked Delovoa at his place. “Yes,” he said, while drinking his third glass of wine. “You can? How?” “Huh? Oh, I wasn’t listening. What did you say?” I gave him a scowl.”
― Steven Campbell, Prince of Suck

“I am crass. I do people’s crass work for them. I’m a crasshole.”
― Steven Campbell, Suck My Cosmos

“We were as inconspicuous as a black eye on a bride at her wedding.”
― Steven Campbell, Suck My Cosmos

“I found his body, face down on the corner of 28th and Eat Your Bitch Ass Street.” “They still haven’t changed the name of that road?” I asked.”
― Steven Campbell, Frankly

“The enthusiasm evaporated from the room like a fart sucked into space.”
― Steven Campbell, Screw The Galaxy

“As a person, I was not cut out for dancing. Or higher mathematics. Or appreciating minimalist artwork—really, where’s the rest of it? Or running.”
― Steven Campbell, Suck My Cosmos

“Your body is good at telling you stuff to do and most times you should listen. It tells you when to eat. It tells you when you should go to sleep. It tells you when you’re doing something painful and to quit it. It tells you when you’re afraid and you should run like hell. My body was telling me—screaming at me—to shut down and hope whatever unfortunate thing was going on would pass me by. I felt a dark cloud enveloping me. But it was a good cloud. It took away the pain and made me feel warm and pleasant. No. I didn’t want to feel warm and pleasant. I didn’t want to forget what was happening. I wanted to be neck deep in it. I’m too stupid to lie down. You’re going to have to make me!”
― Steven Campbell, Screw The Galaxy

“I kept forgetting that other people had personal lives. It was damn inconsiderate of them, really.”
― Steven Campbell, Suck My Cosmos

“Always avoid the conflict that’s closest to impact. The ones further down the road may never reach you.”
― Steven Campbell, Suck My Cosmos

“After starting a war and then refusing to fight in it, I felt like I needed a drink.”
― Steven Campbell, Robot Farts

“There was nothing so rational in the universe as a man who has just been satisfied.”
― Steven Campbell, Suck My Cosmos

“His piss was so clean it was a disinfectant.”
― Steven Campbell, Suck My Cosmos

“You all are nothing to me," I continued, using my toughest of tough personas. "I'm bulletproof and your most advanced weapon is a pointy stick. I have fought Therezians. I have fought Boranjame. I have fought Thad Fricken' Elon himself! I didn't win any of those fights. But I'm still standing.”
― Steven Campbell, Fourth Quadrant

“I learned my greatest lesson in politics right there. Religion and ethnicity and history and territory were all fine things to fight about. But the Militia was fighting for their very lives. They had nothing to lose and absolutely everything to gain. It”
― Steven Campbell, Prince of Suck

“Maris-To has invited you to his home for a ball.” “Ball of what?” “A party, sir.”
― Steven Campbell, Suck My Cosmos

“I had fallen two stories after being flung two stories." Garm said. "I know the feeling." "Drugs don't count!”
― Steven Campbell, Garm

“The free flow of capital and business interests must be enforced at all costs,”
― Steven Campbell, Prince of Suck

“trooper”
― Steven Campbell, Basketful of Crap

“And suddenly I learned that the battlesuit was also a capable hand-to-hand fighter--because no challenge in my life could be anything less than impossible.”
― Steven Campbell, Fourth Quadrant