Mendel Kalmenson > Quotes

“Simply put: When a person is full of themselves, they lack the requisite space to receive new wisdom. In the words of the Talmud150: “A full vessel cannot receive.” The person who defines themselves by their prior knowledge confines themselves to it and is therefore not available for an influx of new insight.”
― Mendel Kalmenson, People of the Word: Fifty Words That Shaped Jewish Thinking

“we each have the power to define and influence our experience based on our perception.”
― Mendel Kalmenson, Positivity Bias

“There is a common misconception that traditional Judaism advocates a utilitarian approach to marital intimacy, viewing it solely as a functional activity for the purpose of procreation. This could not be further from the truth. For instance, a verse in Genesis157 describes King Abimelech peering out of a window and witnessing Isaac “jesting” or “making sport” with his wife, Rebecca; an observation that led Abimelech to believe that they must be married. The Biblical word for jesting is metzachek from the word tzechok, laughter. Indeed, while some commentators158 understood this to be a euphemism for the act of intercourse itself, others understood this to be a reference to endearing interactions between a couple before engaging in intimacy. For example, R. Eliyahu Mizrachi says that it may have been a reference to “kissing and cuddling,” Chizkuni describes it as “the jest that precedes intercourse,” and the Or Hachaim describes it as “the kind of affectionate behavior customary between man and his wife.”
― Mendel Kalmenson, People of the Word: Fifty Words That Shaped Jewish Thinking

“Typically, the conclusion of a written manuscript is marked with the words “the end,” striking a note of finality. In the Talmud, however, at the end of every chapter and every tractate you will find a declaration that begins with the words, hadran alach, “We will return to you.”
― Mendel Kalmenson, People of the Word: Fifty Words That Shaped Jewish Thinking

“Indeed, one of the marital obligations outlined in the ketubah, marriage contract, alongside the requirement for a husband to provide food and clothing for his wife, is a contractual obligation for a man to pleasure his wife on a regular basis.161 Failing to do so even constitutes fair grounds for the wife to demand a divorce.162 Indeed, the Talmud characterizes men who put their wife’s pleasure before their own as meritorious and worthy of special blessing.”
― Mendel Kalmenson, People of the Word: Fifty Words That Shaped Jewish Thinking

“After all, it has no hands of its own to don tefillin or give charity, which is why it needs the body to give it form and expression, enabling it to achieve its raison d’être in the physical realm. Accordingly, the Jewish approach to physicality is one of active engagement, not of avoidance or escape through ascetic practices and behaviors. While Judaism does not encourage indulgence, neither does it view abstention as the goal of bodily experience. The purpose of corporeal life is therefore not to negate but to embrace physicality and utilize it to achieve spiritual aims. As it says in Proverbs: Know G-d in all your ways.198”
― Mendel Kalmenson, People of the Word: Fifty Words That Shaped Jewish Thinking

“As we learn in the Mishnah152: “R. Meir would say: Whoever studies Torah for its own sake merits many things; moreover, [the creation of] the entire world is worthwhile for him alone.”
― Mendel Kalmenson, People of the Word: Fifty Words That Shaped Jewish Thinking

“In a world where real people are perpetually put in the service of abstract principles, whether religiously or politically, Moses made a revolutionary statement: It is not a matter of having to make a choice between loving people or loving G-d, because it is G-d’s essential will that the best way to love Him is to love His children.”
― Mendel Kalmenson, Positivity Bias

“the goodness and G-dliness of the Jewish soul that defines who and what a Jew is, regardless of their level of religious observance.”
― Mendel Kalmenson, Positivity Bias

“When we speak with others, we are often unconsciously importing the energy of our previous encounters, and we sometimes carry over the residue of angst and resentments from the past. In any conversation or encounter there is the possibility for misappropriation of meaning and intent, giving rise to unnecessary skepticism, and ultimately suspicion of others. A person can easily fall into a default mode in which they immediately assume the worst about people.”
― Mendel Kalmenson, Positivity Bias

“Whatever your personality, passions, or pursuits, know that you were crafted perfectly to fulfill the role you are here to play. Whatever external opportunities beckon in your search for purpose, remember to look first at, and into, yourself, your unique strengths, truest desires, gifts, passions, and cherished pastimes. Take the time to feel their gravity, because they are drawing you gently toward your life’s greatest purpose and possibilities.”
― Mendel Kalmenson, On Purpose: Practical Wisdom for Designing a Life of Purpose Inspired by the Life and Teachings of the Lubavitcher Rebbe

“From the soul’s experience of reality, all is already one. Through embodiment, however, the soul experiences a more fragmentary perspective, giving rise to the drives and ambitions of earthly life. These psycho-emotional drives, such as jealousy, envy, and greed, which arise from life in the body, can potentially be harnessed by the soul to propel it beyond the heights it could reach on its own. For instance, the Sages teach: “Envy among scholars increases wisdom.”203”
― Mendel Kalmenson, People of the Word: Fifty Words That Shaped Jewish Thinking

“the term ‘afterlife’ is inappropriate, for what we experience after death is a continuation of life.”
― Mendel Kalmenson, People of the Word: Fifty Words That Shaped Jewish Thinking

“The fact that such “jesting” is part of the Biblical description of the act of intercourse indicates that Judaism does not treat intimacy as a cold, physiological act. And this is not limited to Biblical sources. The Talmud159 advises one to speak “endearing words” to create an emotional connection with one’s partner before engaging in physical intimacy. Similarly, Nachmanides160 notes: “First one must cleave to his wife, and then they will become one flesh. There can be no true oneness of the flesh without first experiencing a cleaving together of the heart.” Fundamentally, Judaism views intimacy as a loving and even playful experience, in which both emotional arousal and sensual pleasure play integral roles.”
― Mendel Kalmenson, People of the Word: Fifty Words That Shaped Jewish Thinking

“Isidore Rabi, winner of the Nobel Prize in physics, was once asked why he became a scientist. He replied, “My mother made me a scientist without even knowing it. Every other child would come home from school and be asked, ‘What did you learn today?’ But my mother used to say, ‘Izzy, did you ask a good question today?’ That made all the difference.”
― Mendel Kalmenson, People of the Word: Fifty Words That Shaped Jewish Thinking

“In Ethics of Our Fathers,149 the Mishnah lists seven features of a wise person: A wise person does not 1) speak before one who is greater in wisdom; 2) does not interrupt when others are speaking; 3) is not hasty to answer; 4) asks what is relevant and answers to the point; 5) speaks of the first [point] first, and of the last [point] last; 6) concerning that which he has not heard, he says: I have not heard; 7) and he acknowledges the truth.”
― Mendel Kalmenson, People of the Word: Fifty Words That Shaped Jewish Thinking

“the Hebrew word for life, chaim, is phrased in the plural and literally translates as “lives,” indicating multiple phases and expressions of a single, never-ending life.”
― Mendel Kalmenson, People of the Word: Fifty Words That Shaped Jewish Thinking

“the House of Hillel’s insight was considered more refined because they took the time to consider and incorporate their opposition’s analysis into their own point of view. This expression of humble receptivity validated their rulings and decisions on Torah matters, because it revealed their commitment to listening to and learning from others besides themselves. This, according to Judaism, is the very definition of wisdom. In contrast, the House of Shammai was known to be combative and defensive in their argumentation.”
― Mendel Kalmenson, People of the Word: Fifty Words That Shaped Jewish Thinking

“This is emblematic of Judaism’s approach to learning in general, which is, ultimately, not to focus on how far you have already come, but to acknowledge and appreciate the never-ending journey of discovery that lies ahead.”
― Mendel Kalmenson, People of the Word: Fifty Words That Shaped Jewish Thinking

“one’s mazal is not something to be passively received but proactively achieved.”
― Mendel Kalmenson, People of the Word: Fifty Words That Shaped Jewish Thinking

“We Called Him Monsieur R. Dovid Aaron Neuman currently lives with his family in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn. He was interviewed in November, 2013, and shared the following remarkable story which happened during the war. “...In the midst of all this chaos and upheaval, my family was forced to split up.... I was sent to an orphanage in Marseilles. The orphanage housed some forty or maybe fifty children, many of them as young as three and four years old. Some of them knew that their parents had been killed; others didn’t know what became of them. Often, you would hear children crying, calling out for their parents who were not there to answer. As the days wore on, the situation grew more and more desperate, and food became more and more scarce. Many a day we went hungry. “And then, in the beginning of the summer of 1941, a man came to the rescue. We did not know his name; we just called him “Monsieur,” which is French for “Mister.” Every day, Monsieur would arrive with bags of bread—the long French baguettes—and tuna or sardines, sometimes potatoes as well. He would stay until every child had eaten. Some of the kids were so despondent that they didn’t want to eat. He used to put those children on his lap, tell them a story, sing to them, and feed them by hand. He made sure everyone was fed. With some of the kids, he’d sit next to them on the floor and cajole them to eat, even feeding them with a spoon, if need be. He was like a father to these sad little children. He knew every child by name, even though we didn’t know his. We loved him and looked forward to his coming. Monsieur came back day after day for several weeks. And I would say that many of the children who lived in the orphanage at that time owe their lives to him. If not for him, I, for one, wouldn’t be here. Eventually the war ended, and I was reunited with my family. We left Europe and began our lives anew. In 1957, I came to live in New York, and that’s when my uncle suggested that I meet the Lubavitcher Rebbe. Of course I agreed and scheduled a time for an audience with the Rebbe’s secretary. At the appointed date, I came to the Chabad Headquarters at 770 Eastern Parkway and sat down to wait. I read some Psalms and watched the parade of men and women from all walks of life who had come to see the Rebbe. Finally, I was told it was my turn, and I walked into the Rebbe’s office. He was smiling, and immediately greeted me: “Dos iz Dovidele!—It’s Dovidele!” I thought, “How does he know my name?” And then I nearly fainted. I was looking at Monsieur. The Rebbe was Monsieur! And he had recognized me before I had recognized him.”
― Mendel Kalmenson, Positivity Bias

“Death is not a cessation of life; rather, it describes the process whereby one’s spiritual life takes on a new dimension. This notion is consistent with the scientific principle of conservation of matter, which states that nothing physical can be annihilated. This table or a piece of iron can be cut, burned, etc., but in no instance can the matter of the table or the iron be destroyed. It only takes on a different form. “Likewise, on the spiritual level, our spiritual being—the soul—can never be destroyed. It only changes its form or is elevated to a different plane.”
― Mendel Kalmenson, People of the Word: Fifty Words That Shaped Jewish Thinking

“The Torah’s ultimate concern extends beyond the prescribed bounds of ritual and worship, including also, and even especially, the seemingly “mundane” aspects of human existence and experience. Everyday activities such as getting dressed, eating breakfast, or doing business all fall under the purview of the Torah’s mission to Divinize our lives.178”
― Mendel Kalmenson, People of the Word: Fifty Words That Shaped Jewish Thinking

“To ensure there is no emotional distance, Jewish law states that one may not fantasize about another person during intimacy, nor be intimate when angry with their spouse or when they are contemplating divorce. There is even a view165 that intimacy should be avoided altogether when a person is angry, even if their anger is not directed at their spouse. To avoid any physical distance, Jewish law stipulates that both partners wear no clothing at all so that there is absolutely no separation between them. Couples should also face each other for the same reason. The Sages’ suggestion that Shabbat, the holiest day of the week, is an ideal time for intimacy further highlights the intrinsic potential for holiness within this form of union.166”
― Mendel Kalmenson, People of the Word: Fifty Words That Shaped Jewish Thinking

“Whereas in certain faiths, priests, monks, and other religious functionaries are required to be celibate, the Jewish high priest is required to be married to fulfill his most sacred of duties in the Holy Temple on Yom Kippur.156”
― Mendel Kalmenson, People of the Word: Fifty Words That Shaped Jewish Thinking

“The Biblical word commonly used to refer to physical intimacy is yediah, knowledge. For example, in Genesis163 Adam knew (yada) his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and bore a son.” Referring to intimacy with the word knowledge suggests that Judaism views physical intimacy as a meeting of mind and heart rather than just a purely physiological act.”
― Mendel Kalmenson, People of the Word: Fifty Words That Shaped Jewish Thinking

“Normally, we think of knowledge as something that accumulates—when you’ve mastered one idea or discipline, it serves as a suitable foundation upon which to learn another. This is often true. However, there are times when pre-existing concepts or methods brought to a new field of inquiry or discovery impede one’s ability to encounter a new subject, limiting them from experiencing the true depth and dimensionality of the new idea that is there, waiting to be discovered.”
― Mendel Kalmenson, People of the Word: Fifty Words That Shaped Jewish Thinking

“Obstinate claims to exclusive “ownership” of the truth, or the “right” answer, are precisely what close one off to learning more than what they already know. One who assumes this mindset may indeed be smart, but according to Jewish thought, they are not wise. Essentially, Judaism views wisdom as a character trait rather than an intellectual ability or achievement.”
― Mendel Kalmenson, People of the Word: Fifty Words That Shaped Jewish Thinking

“We are not physical beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a physical experience.”
― Mendel Kalmenson, People of the Word: Fifty Words That Shaped Jewish Thinking

“In many religions, the highest ideal is to remove oneself from all worldly pleasures for the sake of spiritual enlightenment. Judaism, on the other hand, teaches that the real battle is not to withdraw from the material realm in order to avoid the obstacles it presents to spiritual devotion, but to engage and uncover the spiritual purpose within one’s everyday activities.”
― Mendel Kalmenson, People of the Word: Fifty Words That Shaped Jewish Thinking