Mila Gray > Quotes

“Does he make you see stars?’ he asks in a low voice. ‘Does he call you his north star? Because that’s what you are to me. You’re the reason I made it home.”
― Mila Gray, Come Back to Me

“Does he tell you that you’re all
he thinks about? Does he tell you that he lives for you?
That he breathes for you? That he dreams of you every
damn moment, awake and asleep? Does he tell you any
of that?’ He pauses to look at me and I try to keep a blank
face. ‘No, I didn’t think so,’ he says quietly.”
― Mila Gray, Come Back to Me

“I think you still love me,’ he says, ‘even though you don’t want to.’
I glare at him, fury battling my instincts.
‘Because that kind of love, Jessa,’ Kit continues, ‘doesn’t just disappear. It doesn’t just fade. I still love you. I’ll always love you. And I think you feel the same way about me. And hell, I know I don’t deserve it. I know all I deserve is your hatred. But if there’s a chance, a single chance that you might still love me, then I’m not going to throw it away. Because I’ve been through hell and you’re the only reason I’m still standing.’ He pauses. ‘So tell me the truth. Do you love him?”
― Mila Gray, Come Back to Me

“Come back to me," I whisper.
"Always," he answers, kissing me for the last time.”
― Mila Gray, Come Back to Me

“You've been waiting in the bushes for half an hour just to speak to me?"
Kit shrugs. "I've done sniper training. I can sit for hours in the dark, waiting and watching."
"That's comforting." I say. "And not creepy in the slightest.”
― Mila Gray, Come Back to Me

“I don’t believe you,’ he says. He takes a step towards me, fluster-ing me with his nearness, with his smell, which shouldn’t be so damn familiar after so much time and which shouldn’t still affect me the way it does. ‘I think you still love me,’ he says, ‘even though you don’t want to.’I glare at him, fury battling my instincts. ‘Because that kind of love, Jessa,’ Kit continues, ‘doesn’t just disappear. It doesn’t just fade. I still love you. I’ll always love you. And I think you feel the same way about me. And hell, I know I don’t deserve it. I know all I deserve is your hatred. But if there’s a chance, a single chance that you might still love me, then I’m not going to throw it away. Because I’ve been through hell and you’re the only reason I’m still standing.’ He pauses. ‘So tell me the truth. Do you love him?’I don’t answer. ‘Does he know you like I do? Does he know exactly how you like your eggs in the morning – just a little bit runny?’ he asks. ‘Does he know that you’re allergic to roses? Does he know that when your nostrils flare like that it’s because you’re trying to stop from crying and that when you say “yeah, sure” it usually means “no”?’ He takes a step nearer. ‘Does he make you see stars?’ he asks in a low voice. ‘Does he call you his north star? Because that’s what you are to me. You’re the reason I made it home.’ I squeeze my eyes shut. ‘Does he know exactly where to kiss you?’ Kit mur-murs and startles me by brushing his hand just beneath my ear. ‘Just here?’ My eyes flash open as I suppress a shudder. ‘Does he know exactly how to touch you?’ he asks, his gaze falling to my mouth. ‘Does he tell you that you’re all he thinks about? Does he tell you that he lives for you? That he breathes for you? That he dreams of you every damn moment, awake and asleep? Does he tell you any of that?’ He pauses to look at me and I try to keep a blank face. ‘No, I didn’t think so,’ he says quietly”
― Mila Gray, Come Back to Me

“Does he call you his north star? Because that’s what you are to me. You’re the reason I made it home.”
― Mila Gray, Come Back to Me

“Dear Jessa, I’ve started this letter so many times and I’ve never been able to finish it. So here goes again . . . I’m sorry. I’m sorry that Riley is dead. I’m sorry for ignoring your emails and for not being there for you. I’m sorry I’ve hurt you. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wish it had been me that died and not Riley. If I could go back in time and change everything I would. I’m sorry I left without a word. There’s no excuse for my behaviour but please know that it had nothing to do with you. I was a mess. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone for months. And I felt too guilty and didn’t know how to tell you the truth about what happened. I couldn’t bear the thought of you knowing. I got all your emails but I didn’t read them until last week. I couldn’t face it and I guess that makes me the biggest coward you’ll ever meet. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I never replied. You needed me and I wasn’t there for you. I don’t even know how to ask your forgiveness because I don’t deserve it. I’m just glad you’re doing better. I’m better too. I’ve started seeing a therapist – twice a week – you’d like her. She reminds me of Didi. I never thought I’d be the kind of guy who needed therapy, but they made it a condition of me keeping my job. She’s helped me a lot with getting the panic attacks under control. Working in a room the size of a janitor’s closet helps too – there aren’t too many surprises, only the occasional rogue paperclip. I asked for the posting. I have to thank your dad ironically. The demotion worked out. Kind of funny that I totally get where your father was coming from all those years. Looks like I’ll be spending the remainder of my marine career behind a desk, but I’m OK with that. I don’t know what else to say, Jessa. My therapist says I should just write down whatever comes into my head. So here goes. Here’s what’s in my head . . . I miss you. I love you. Even though I long ago gave up the right to any sort of claim over you, I can’t stop loving you. I won’t ever stop. You’re in my blood. You’re the only thing that got me through this, Jessa. Because even during the bad times, the worst times, the times I’d wake up in a cold sweat, my heart thumping, the times I’d think the only way out was by killing myself and just having it all go away, I’d think of you and it would pull me back out of whatever dark place I’d fallen into. You’re my light, Jessa. My north star. You asked me once to come back to you and I told you I always would. I’m working on it. It might take me a little while, and I know I have no right to ask you to wait for me after everything I’ve done, but I’m going to anyway because the truth is I don’t know how to live without you. I’ve tried and I can’t do it. So please, I’m asking you to wait for me. I’m going to come back to you. I promise. And I’m going to make things right. I’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll never stop trying for the rest of my life to make things right between us. I love you. Always. Kit”
― Mila Gray, Come Back to Me

“Are you mine?’ he murmurs. ‘Always,’ I answer as his lips find mine.”
― Mila Gray, Come Back to Me

“The best things in life are things you have to fight for.”
― Mila Gray

“I'm going to inform her father from a separate state, maybe even from a separate continent. And I'll still be sure to wear a bullet-proof best because that man has connections.”
― Mila Gray, Come Back to Me

“Once a marine, always a marine,’ he tells me. ‘And marines never god-damn quit.”
― Mila Gray, Come Back to Me

“I mean . . . Fuck, Jessa. If you ask me do I want you to be waiting for me the day I get off the plane? Yes. Do I want to talk to you every night on the phone and know that you’re my girl and that I’m coming home to you? Yes. Am I going to be thinking of you every single moment while I’m gone – yes. But it’s not fair on you asking you to wait.”
― Mila Gray, Come Back to Me

“If in our heart we still cling to anger or anxiety or possessions—anything at all—then we cannot be free.”
― Mila Gray, Stay With Me

“Why do you say that you love me?" He turns his head in my direction, still frowning.
"Because I do," I stammer. "I love you, Noel Walker- everything about you, even when you scrowl at me like you're doing right now. I love you even though you're grumpy and try to shut me out all the time. I love you even though you try your hardest to push me away. I love all the parts of you - the broken parts that you try to hide most of all.”
― Mila Gray, This is One Moment

“What do you want?’ I hiss.
‘I want you,’ he answers.”
― Mila Gray, Come Back to Me

“What about you? Are you doing what you love?’He looks across at me before turning back to the road. ‘I was,’ he says. ‘And now?’ I ask in a whisper, because that’s all I can manage. ‘Now, I have to leave you”
― Mila Gray, Come Back to Me

“I’ve never felt this way before, Jessa,’ he says. ‘I don’t want to fuck it up.”
― Mila Gray, Come Back to Me

“Do you love him?’ he asks, startling me all over again. ‘If you honestly love him, I’ll walk away. I won’t ever bother you again,’ he says.”
― Mila Gray, Come Back to Me

“Come back to me," I whisper.
"Always," he answers, kissing me for the last time.”
― Mila Gray, Come Back to Me

“Do you come here often?' I ask. As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I cringe. Way to go, Kit. Make it sound like you’re trying to pick him up, why don’t you?”
― Mila Gray, Come Back to Me

“Because it wouldn’t have been fair to you,’ I say. ‘And then, selfishly, I knew that if I slept with you, then for the whole of the next year on post I would never have been able to get you out of my mind. I’d have just relived it over and over every second of every day. Which is what I’m going to be doing now anyway.’ I laugh ruefully at how much I’m going to replay this night. ‘But I would have been picturing some other lucky guy getting to have you, getting to come back to you every night. I didn’t want that. It would have been torture. To know you, to make love to you, and then lose you. I couldn’t do it.”
― Mila Gray, Come Back to Me

“I think that pretty much sums up what love is, though. It’s the person you always want to come back to. I’ve thought about this a lot, and I don’t think home is a place. I think it’s a person. And when you find home, the place you feel the safest, the place you go to for shelter and where you can be fully yourself, then you know you’re in love, really in love, not just infatuated or head over heels in lust.”
― Mila Gray, Stay With Me

“I always want you to have dessert.”
― Mila Gray, Fall into Me

“I wish I could reverse time. If I could, I’d go back and change a lot of things. For one, I’d be a better friend to Dodds.” I rock back on my heels and stare down at the ground. Was I even a friend to him at all? “But, the thing is,” I continue, “we can’t go back.” My voice starts to crack. “That’s life’s greatest punishment. We can’t go back and right the wrongs, fix the mistakes, undo the tragedies, change our minds, make different decisions, unbreak hearts, take back words. All you can do is own your mistakes, forgive yourself, and keep on living.”
― Mila Gray, Stay With Me

“I want to touch you." Walker says in a low voice.
"All over.”
― Mila Gray, This is One Moment

“Yeah?’ Kit asks tersely. He glances over Todd’s shoul-der at me. ‘Do you love him?’ he asks me, nodding his head at Todd. The directness of the question stuns me. My mouth falls open. What the . . . ? ‘Do you love him?’ he demands again. ‘Kit, it’s none of your business,’ I stammer, feeling the weight of Todd’s gaze on me. ‘Fine,’ he says. ‘It’s none of my business. I have no right to ask you − I get that − but you need to speak to me. If you send me away, I’m just going to keep coming back until you do.”
― Mila Gray, Come Back to Me

“It's decided then. I'm just going to lie here and have a little pity party for myself because who spends the night of their eighteenth birthday alone in their bedroom playing Angry Birds on a phone where the settings are all in Arabic, wearing a heart-shaped locket their mom gave them? Oh yeah, that's right, someone with no life. And no prospect of ever getting one.”
― Mila Gray, Come Back to Me

“Some days are worse than others. Some days I’m not just lying in a coffin hearing someone shovel dirt on top of the lid, some days I’m buried miles underground and nothing reaches me, not even sound, just the terrifying roar of silence.”
― Mila Gray, Stay With Me

“What am I thinking right now?" I whisper.
He turns his head to face me. His eyes look smoky gray in the light from the television. "I'd like to think you're thinking about what it would be like if we kissed. Because that's all I'm thinking about."
I draw in a breath and hold it.
He carries on staring at me, his lips slightly parted in a smile. I've never wanted to kiss anyone so much in my life.
"Am I right?"
"Yes." I whisper in a croaky voice.”
― Mila Gray, This is One Moment