Jack Schafer > Quotes

“The first strategy for breaking the anger cycle is “Never try to rationally engage angry people.” Anger must be vented before offering problem solving solutions.”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“They are also comfortable with self-disclosure, which is a building block in creating close personal relationships. To people with high self-esteem, rejection is part of life, not a reflection on their self-worth.”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“People have a need to be right, but people have a stronger need to correct others. The need to be correct and/or to correct others is almost irresistible.”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“Men with lower self-esteem tend to select women who are less physically attractive and women with lower self-esteem tend to select mates who are lower income earners”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“People are attracted to individuals and things they cannot readily obtain. In the case with things, people are more attracted to a coveted object because it is out of their reach. When the object of desire is finally gained, the attraction for the object rapidly diminishes.”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“We like those who resemble us, and are engaged in the same pursuits. . . . We like those who desire the same things as we [do].”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“Golden Rule of Friendship—If you want people to like you, make them feel good about themselves”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“Henry Ford summed it up nicely when he observed: “If there is any one secret of success it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“INCREASED RESTRAINT INCREASES DRIVE Parents are fully aware of this law! If you tell your children not to do something, they want to do it all the more.”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“The truth is simple, direct, and not complicated.”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“Commonalities connect people. Finding common ground quickly establishes rapport and a fertile environment for developing friendships. Aristotle wrote, “We like those who resemble us, and are engaged in the same pursuits. . . . We like those who desire the same things as we [do].”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“Words cannot change reality, but they can change how people perceive reality. Words create filters through which people view the world around them. A single word can make the difference between liking and disliking a person.”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“If you go looking for a friend, you’re going to find they’re very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you’ll find them everywhere. —ZIG ZIGLAR”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“My own daughter went through a teenage phase of testing her mom and me. She once brought home a young man to meet us. He had four-inch-high gelled prongs that stood atop his head, tattoos covering most of his exposed skin, and a motorcycle in our driveway. I cordially greeted him without saying what I really felt about him or how disappointed I was with my daughter’s choice of companion. The next day, my daughter asked me what I thought of the young man. I wanted to command her never to see him again, but I knew that if I increased restraint, she would be that much more motivated to continue to date him. Instead, I chose the following strategy. I told my daughter that her mother and I raised her to make good judgments and that we trusted her decisions. If she felt the young man was a good person to have in her life, we would support her decision. I never saw him again.”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“Duration has a unique quality in that the more time you spend with a person, the more influence they have over your thoughts and actions. Mentors who spend a lot of time with their mentees exercise a positive influence over them. People who have less than honorable intentions can negatively influence the people they spend time with.”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“The Friendship Formula consists of the four basic building blocks: proximity, frequency, duration, and intensity. These four elements can be expressed using the following mathematical formula: Friendship =Proximity + Frequency + Duration + Intensity”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“You can be right without wronging someone. Instead of asserting your right to be right, ask people for their advice. That allows them to be part of the decision-making process. Additionally, they feel good about themselves because you came to them to seek their advice, which elevates them to an honored position.”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. —MAYA ANGELOU”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“Listening is more than simply remaining silent while your person of interest is speaking. It involves total focus on what is being said. Because we can think at about four times the rate the normal person talks, there is a temptation to let our thoughts wander. Resist this temptation.”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“Glory has a short expiration date; goodwill has a long shelf life. A good idea produces a large plate that can be divided into many pieces.”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“When encountering individuals you met earlier, you can employ a conversational bridge-back. This refers to your use of portions of earlier discussions at a later time. Conversational bridge-backs can be comments, jokes, gestures, or other things unique to the earlier conversation. Using a conversational bridge-back sends the subtle message that you are not a newcomer to the person’s circle of friends and acquaintances. You are a familiar person with mutual interests. Conversational bridge-backs also allow you to pick up the friend-building process where it left off at the end of the first conversation. That, in turn, allows you to move forward in your friendship building without having to start out from scratch.”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“Simply apply the techniques and relax, be yourself, and let the techniques do the work.”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“The more you can encourage the other person to speak, the more you listen to what they say, display empathy, and respond positively when reacting to their comments, the greater the likelihood that person will feel good about themselves (Golden Rule of Friendship) and like you as a result.”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“Duration has a unique quality in that the more time you spend with a person, the more influence they have over your thoughts and actions. Mentors who spend a lot of time with their mentees exercise a positive influence over them. People who have less than honorable intentions can negatively influence the people they spend time with. The best example of the power of duration is between parents and their children.”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“THE BOYFRIEND BODY SCAN Long before the tolerated but unpleasant full body scans became a necessity at airports around the world, they were being done by individuals using “elevator eyes” to size up persons of interest. I routinely used the full body scan when my daughter’s boyfriends would appear at the front door. I would open the door, stare deeply into the suitor’s eyes, and very slowly scan his body from head to toe. I would finish my introduction with a stern, “What do you want?” The young man would stammer and stutter to find words to say. I knew then that my message was received loud and clear. That nonverbal message was more effective than any verbal threats I could have issued.”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“In long-term relationships, communication is a key element in sustaining or draining the feelings we have toward one another. Open, honest interchanges between long-term partners build trust, demonstrate a caring attitude, and provide vital information about the ongoing health of the relationship.”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“Compliments, to be effective, should be sincere and deserved. Paying someone a compliment when you don’t really believe what you’re saying or when the recipient of the compliment hasn’t earned the accolade is counterproductive to good relationship building and is lying (the antithesis of trust).”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“If you want people to like you, make them feel good about themselves. You must focus your attention on the person you are befriending. It sounds easy, but it takes practice even for trained agents. If you make someone feel good about themselves, they will credit you with helping them attain that good feeling. People gravitate toward individuals who make them happy and tend to avoid people who bring them pain or discomfort.”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

“Make it a habit to pause for a nanosecond or two before speaking, especially if you are an extrovert. This pause gives introverts a chance to gather their thoughts. Remember, introverts tend to think before they speak. If you interrupt their thought process, they tend to become frustrated and, consequently, like you less. The pause gives extroverts time to think about what they are about to say.”
― Jack Schafer, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over