James Osiris Baldwin > Quotes

“And you, heretic! Where is she? Where is the queen?” “Have you checked your ass? I heard it's pretty roomy in there.” I spat blood, moving to hands and knees. I still had the Spear of Nine Spheres wrapped in one tight-knuckled fist, for all the good it was doing me. “You are in no position to sling insults.” The masked Mata Argis Agent had a cold voice, dark with anger. “Where is she!? What have you done to her?!” “The same thing I do to your mom every night.”
― James Osiris Baldwin, Trial by Fire

“and punched him right in the dick.”
― James Osiris Baldwin, Dragon Seed

“You come up to my sternum,” Suri drawled back. “Anything below tit-height is a kid or a dwarf.”
― James Osiris Baldwin, Trial by Fire

“Hope is a bad survival strategy.”
― James Osiris Baldwin, Kingdom Come

“I was going be to flying around like some wacked-out Chinese martial arts movie hero by endgame, which was 200% okay with me.”
― James Osiris Baldwin, Trial by Fire

“That, my good sir, appears to be an eyeball.”
― James Osiris Baldwin, Dragon Seed

“the dragonflies stopped fighting each other and turned on the newcomer. The fox had turned and was starting to run when they hit it, ejecting huge, dripping spines from the end of their tails into the animal’s back as it tried to hide. The fox yelped piteously as it went rigid and tumbled into the water, dead. Oh. Okay. Right. So this was basically Australia. Everything here was horribly poisonous and out to kill me.”
― James Osiris Baldwin, Dragon Seed

“And that, right there, was why I wasn’t playing a mage. I’d probably read a Name backwards and summon Cthulhu.”
― James Osiris Baldwin, Dragon Seed

“Hey, what do you think the best way to train Willpower is?” “Willpower? Uhh...” Suri trailed off. “I dunno. Playing chess?” “That's more Int, I think.” “Willpower is all about resisting stuff, right?” Suri shrugged. “You probably train it through resisting temptation, defeat, stuff like that.” “Resisting temptation, huh?” I scratched the stubble on my jaw. “Guess I'm starting up No-Nut November.” “Well, yeah.”
― James Osiris Baldwin, Warsinger

“I used to get up and sleep eat when I was alive. One time, I woke up in the kitchen and found myself shoveling gummi bears covered in hot sauce into my face.”
― James Osiris Baldwin, Warsinger

“How wonderful,” I said flatly. The sarge grinned, her eyes glittering. “Every day’s wonderful here with me. Dismissed!”
― James Osiris Baldwin, Dragon Seed

“After my morning bacon and eggs, I sit on the toilet with my acoustic guitar and make up sad country songs about how annoying I am while I take a big ol’ cry-shit.”
― James Osiris Baldwin, Trial by Fire

“WHAT THE ACTUAL KENTUCKY FRIED FUCK!?”
― James Osiris Baldwin, Warsinger

“a battle cry. “PORK CHOP SANDWICHES!”
― James Osiris Baldwin, Dragon Seed

“It just occurred to me that when I said I was going to throw him off the wall, the first thing you asked me was do I need a hand. And then you asked me why. Now I know I love you.” “That's like the definition of love, isn't it?”
― James Osiris Baldwin, Kingdom Come

“But I can’t tell you about it.” “Why not?” “Because I cannot.”
― James Osiris Baldwin, Dragon Seed

“morning bacon and eggs, I sit on the toilet with my acoustic guitar and make up sad country songs about how annoying I am while I take a big ol’ cry-shit.”
― James Osiris Baldwin, Trial by Fire

“I weigh a hundred and eighty pounds. This weighs less than a quarter of Hector. Do you remember why we use the backpack for training?" She looked sidelong. “Because you’re a fatass?” I mock-scowled, and reached back to grab my butt. “I’ll have you know that my ass is a supple, perky marvel of nature, young lady.” Karalti play-bowed to me, tail lashing with mirth. “Yeah! Because it’s fat!” I narrowed my eyes. “If you want to make your stand on that hill, be prepared to die on it, because I will twerk on you.” Dragons were intensely visual creatures, and the rant made Karalti squeal with laughter and cover her eyes. How she knew what twerking was, I’ll never know. “Aaaaghhh, whyyy??!” “Me and my perfect ass have no shame whatsoever, and you will regret ever questioning the mass and might of my posterior. Now, unless you want to see Uncle Hector crack walnuts with his buttcheeks, try again,” I said.”
― James Osiris Baldwin, Trial by Fire

“And all roads lead here, kiddo.” “I’m not a kid!” Rin climbed to her feet, an impressive five-foot nothing, and scowled”
― James Osiris Baldwin, Trial by Fire

“but they some of the best hybrid cavalry in the world.”
― James Osiris Baldwin, Kingdom Come

“Once I found a comfortable position, sleep hit me like a ton of bricks: deep, dreamless, time-dilated sleep, the kind where you feel like you closed your eyes, counted to five, and open them again to find the sun shining. Game sleep.”
― James Osiris Baldwin, Dragon Seed

“My father always said it was better to plan twice and act once.”
― James Osiris Baldwin, Kingdom Come

“ten drity brown vultures”
― James Osiris Baldwin, Kingdom Come

“there was something to be said for military training. It gave you a different way of looking at the world, turning ‘hopeless disaster’ into objectives, situations and challenges.”
― James Osiris Baldwin, Dragon Seed