Carl Hiaasen > Quotes

“The first rule of hurricane coverage is that every broadcast must begin with palm trees bending in the wind.”
― Carl Hiaasen

“Hey. Sometimes life is a shit flavored Popsicle.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Nature Girl

“Garcia wondered why people with JESUS stickers on their bumper always drove twenty miles per hour under the speed limit. If God was my co-pilot, he thought, I'd be doing a hundred and twenty.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Strip Tease

“Sometimes you're going to be faced with situations where the line isn't clear between what's right and what's wrong.Your heart will tell you to do one thing and your brain will tell you to do something different. In the end, all that's left is to look at both sides and go with your best judgment.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Hoot

“Roy remembered the time he and his father had a talk about fighting. 'It's important to stand up for what's right,' Mr. Eberhardt had said, 'but sometimes there's a fine line between courage and stupidity.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Hoot

“That's what people do when they find a special place that wild and full of life, they trample it to death.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Flush

“Mickey Cray had been out of work ever since a dead iguana fell from a palm tree and hit him on the head.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Chomp

“The evening news made her wonder if God was dead; the morning sun made her believe He wasn't.”
― Carl Hiaasen

“My father used to say that you live most of your life inside your own head, so make sure it's a good space.”
― Carl Hiaasen, No Surrender

“Sunset on the water ought to be a quiet and easy time, but I guess some people can't stand a little silence.”
― Carl Hiaasen

“That's the thing about being a Labrador retriever - you were born for fun. Seldom was your loopy, freewheeling mind cluttered by contemplation, and never at all by somber worry; every day was a romp. What else could there possibly be to life? Eating was a thrill. Pissing was a treat. Shitting was a joy. And licking your own balls? Bliss. And everywhere you went were gullible humans who patted and hugged and fussed over you.”
― Carl Hiaasen

“as a lobbyist he had long ago concluded there was no difference in how Democrats and Republicans conducted the business of government. The game stayed the same: It was always about favors and friends, and who controlled the dough. Party labels were merely a way to keep track of the teams; issues were mostly smoke and vaudeville. Nobody believed in anything except hanging on to power, whatever it took. .....”
― Carl Hiaasen, Sick Puppy

“Actually it was the mark of the stupid, which is what you get for sitting under a tree during a thunderstorm.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Chomp

“I’m waiting for the day when Rush Limbaugh’s pharmacist writes a book.”
― Carl Hiaasen

“Mrs. Bonneville never buckled her seat belt, even though it was required by state law; an ardent libertarian, she opposed government meddling in all matters of personal choice.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Nature Girl

“He wondered if something was mentally wrong with him for being content with what he had”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“Just because something was legal didn't automatically make it right.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Hoot

“and in the meantime don't jump to conclusions.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Flush

“Disney world is an armpit,compared to Montana!!”
― Carl Hiaasen, Hoot

“Please don't grow up to be one of those men who lie for the sport of it, and most men do. That's a fact. That's why the world is so messed up, Noah. That's why history books are full of so much heartache, and tragedy. Politicians, dictators, kings, phoney-baloney preachers-most of 'em are men, and most of 'em lie like rugs”
― Carl Hiaasen, Flush

“Jimmy Lee Baylis was a wise man, and knew better than to talk back to the man who signed his paycheck.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Scat

“A quick puke, two rails of blow and she was solid.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Star Island

“I’d say a man is someone who is honest, strong-minded, moral, genuine, just a good human being.”
― Logan Lerman

“But Erin let it slide. The child was only four years old; she had a whole lifetime to learn about sadness. Today was for Dalmatians, ice cream and new dolls.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Strip Tease

“Nobody said he was Alvin Einstein.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“...Right now there's a pair of bad cops on their way out here to shoot me."
"You don't know that."
"Yeah, you're right," Stranahan said. "They're probably just collecting Toys for Tots. Now go.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Sick Puppy

“In his own mind, it was never a matter of courage. But courage it was.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Chomp

“Bodean James Gazzer had spent thirty-one years perfecting the art of assigning blame. His personal credo - everything bad that happens is someone else's fault - could, with imagination, be stretched to fit any circumstance. Bode stretched it. The intestinal unrest that occasionally afflicted him surely was the result of drinking milk taken from secretly radiated cows. The roaches in his apartment were planted by his filthy immigrant next-door neighbors. His dire financial plight was caused by runaway bank computers and conniving Wall Street Zionists; his bad luck in the South Florida job market, prejudice against English-speaking applicants. Even the lousy weather had a culprit: air pollution from Canada, diluting the ozone and derailing the jet stream”
― Carl Hiaasen, Lucky You

“The first thing that the boy called Smoke told Nick Waters was: “Your biology book’s in my locker. The combination is 5-3-5.” And the second thing he said was: “I didn’t do that fire, man. I’m innocent.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Scat

“I don’t care if you pack it in fucking kryptonite, that lottery ticket ain’t going up your ass.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Lucky You