Craig Schaefer > Quotes

“Boys,” Jessie said, “you’re looking at your worst nightmare. I’m a black lesbian from the government, and I’m here to take away your guns.”
― Craig Schaefer, Glass Predator

“At a distance, they looked just boring enough to be important.”
― Craig Schaefer, The Long Way Down

“If the world is full of monsters, someone has to be keeping us safe. Someone has to be fighting for us out there.”
― Craig Schaefer, Redemption Song

“The original games were gladiatorial fights to the death. We had to revise that after a few years because, well, people stopped signing up.”
― Craig Schaefer, A Plain-Dealing Villain

“I wondered, for a brief instant, what a necromancer like Damien Ecko could do with the skeleton of a T. rex. I shrugged the idea off. Nobody’s that good.”
― Craig Schaefer, A Plain-Dealing Villain

“You have to excuse the girls,” Nicky said. “They’re a little, uh—” “Sociopathic?” I offered. “I was gonna say high-spirited, but sure, that works too.”
― Craig Schaefer, The Long Way Down

“I love working with fanatics. You just wind them up, and off they go.”
― Craig Schaefer, Redemption Song

“Can’t you get flowers from the evil flower shop?” “Yes,” I whispered, “but then they’d be evil flowers. C’mon, Bentley, try to keep up.” “You know that charming tic, Daniel, where you start making jokes in a dangerous situation, and we all pretend we don’t know you’re doing it in order to cover up how nervous you are?” “What about it?” I asked. “I was just asking if you were aware of it.” “Nope,” I said.”
― Craig Schaefer, A Plain-Dealing Villain

“I’ve always felt that the mark of a man is his willingness to fight for his principles. It doesn’t matter if you win or lose. It doesn’t matter if you ever had a chance to win in the first place. Even if the deck is rigged and the game’s against you, you keep fighting until the bitter end.”
― Craig Schaefer, The Long Way Down

“I am a patriot. That means I owe my loyalty to the armies I swore to lead and the citizens I swore to protect. I am loyal to the crown and what it means. Not to the fool wearing it.”
― Craig Schaefer, Terms of Surrender

“Freedom. You humans do love to prattle on about freedom, and you barely understand the word. How much agency do you think you actually have? From the cradle to the grave, you’re bombarded with media, advertising, cultural and social pressure to conform…it’s amazing you can think at all.”
― Craig Schaefer, A Plain-Dealing Villain

“She pointed at our hands. “Are you two rutting?” “That is so gross.” Justine stood next to her with her mouth agape. “You are so gross.” “No,” Caitlin said, grinning. “We’re holding hands. What I did with your father, that was rutting.” Justine made a strangled squeaking noise, like a cat had lodged in her throat and was trying to kick its way out. Juliette stammered incoherently as she dragged her sister away by the arm. I let go of Caitlin’s hand just long enough to hold up my open palm. “High-five me.” She slapped her palm against mine. We settled into a comfortable silence. “You didn’t actually—” I eventually asked, and Caitlin arched an eyebrow. “They’ll always wonder,” she said. “I do hope you’re not the jealous type, Daniel. I am a succubus. If you want me to list my lovers, we’re going to be here a while.” I shook my head. “Not even a little bit.” “Good. But for the record? Never. You don’t rut with a pride demon; you hold up a mirror for him to stare into while he pleasures himself. I’m only slightly exaggerating.”
― Craig Schaefer, The Long Way Down

“According to Caitlin, he’d been on the throne since Hannibal discovered elephants, and he was so slippery he would orchestrate assassination plots against himself when he got bored, just to keep his wits sharp.”
― Craig Schaefer, Redemption Song

“Mob mentality is like wildfire. It spreads fast and hard, and suddenly you find yourself surrounded by really smart people making really bad decisions.”
― Craig Schaefer, The Living End

“You don’t rut with a pride demon; you hold up a mirror for him to stare into while he pleasures himself. I’m only slightly exaggerating.”
― Craig Schaefer, The Long Way Down

“It’s never good to owe money to a guy with a cellar full of military hardware. Especially not when he rides with an outlaw biker gang.”
― Craig Schaefer, A Plain-Dealing Villain

“Ugh." She rolled her eyes. "Ever wonder why that's the conversational default? People always want to know your job. Not what you love, what you hate, but what you do to earn money. What does that say about us as a society?”
― Craig Schaefer, Ghosts of Gotham

“This guy didn’t just have issues,” Jessie murmured. “He had multiple subscriptions.”
― Craig Schaefer, Harmony Black

“I’m the woman who makes the monsters go away.”
― Craig Schaefer, Cold Spectrum

“They were the gangster version of the guards at Buckingham Palace.”
― Craig Schaefer, The Long Way Down

“Everyone,” Caitlin said, cradling her wine glass, “is the hero of his own story. That goes double for fanatics. Some of the greatest horrors in history were perpetrated by people who insisted, all the way to damnation’s door, that they fought on the side of the angels.”
― Craig Schaefer, The Long Way Down

“In a week marred by death and pain, I’d found a single red rose growing in the ruins. I’d take the thorns as they came.”
― Craig Schaefer, The Long Way Down

“I realize you’re a politician, so this is a new concept for you. ‘Cooperating’ means actually doing what you’re supposed to, not just saying you will and then weaseling out.”
― Craig Schaefer, The Living End

“When you fight, though, that badge means you’ve gotta keep your gloves on. I don’t. I use brass knuckles.”
― Craig Schaefer, A Plain-Dealing Villain

“You’re playing solitaire with no aces in the deck, and you can’t figure out why you never win.”
― Craig Schaefer, Harmony Black

“You forgot your line, by the way.” “What line?” Meadow demanded. “When you rant about your master plan for world domination, you’re supposed to end with ‘but it’s too bad you won’t live to see it.’ I mean, if you’re gonna act like an asshole pulp villain, at least show some commitment to the part.” Her hands curled at her sides. “Funny. You won’t be laughing when—” I leveled the shotgun and blew her head off.”
― Craig Schaefer, The Long Way Down

“But it’s not about violence; it’s about doing what you can, whenever you can, to stand up for what you believe. You fight and you never, ever give up. That’s what makes a man.”
― Craig Schaefer, The Long Way Down

“Did you just make that up? Words mean things. And no. I’m a hacker, not a wizard.”
― Craig Schaefer, Harmony Black

“She had personal details about my relationships that only my close friends should have known. “So you’ve got a stalker,” I said to my reflection in the rearview mirror. “And she eats people. Great.”
― Craig Schaefer, Redemption Song

“Now bottle your hatred and store it in your heart’s pantry for a thirstier day.”
― Craig Schaefer, The Living End