Al-Anon Family Groups > Quotes

“While these loved ones may not meet our expectations, it is our expectations, not our loved ones, that have let us down.”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, Courage to Change—One Day at a Time in Al‑Anon II

“Sometimes the only way I can determine whether I’m trying to control someone else or whether I’m simply expressing my feelings is by noticing how many times I say the same thing. If I mention something that is on my mind and then let it go no matter what response I get, I am speaking sincerely. If I repeatedly make similar suggestions or ask prodding questions again and again, I am probably trying to control. If I am satisfied only when the other person responds in a way I consider desirable—agrees with what I’ve said or takes my advice—then I know I’ve lost my focus.”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, Courage to Change—One Day at a Time in Al‑Anon II

“We are asked to forgive those who have injured us. Unless we have first judged and condemned them for what they did, there would be no reason for us to forgive them. Rather we would have to forgive ourselves for judging.

If we do judge-no matter how great the injury or how premeditated-we are at fault. Following this train of thought to its logical conclusion, we see that we can forgive only ourselves. In doing so, we also forgive the person whose action we have resented.”
― Al-Anon Family Groups

“I must learn to give those I love the right to make their own mistakes and recognize them as theirs alone.”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, Courage to Change—One Day at a Time in Al‑Anon II

“I can attain real dignity, importance and individuality only by admitting my dependence on a Power which is great and good beyond anything I can imagine or understand. I want to use this help in making all my decisions. Even though my little human mind cannot figure out what the outcome will be, I am confident that whatever comes will be for my ultimate good.

“Thank God I am not dependent on my own resources alone. Having tried to bring order and meaning into my life without God’s help, I will now step aside and let Him take over.”
― Al-Anon Family Groups

“When I can’t find a solution to a problem, when I have nagging doubts, fears, or frustrations, when I feel lost or confused, a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself can make a tremendous difference. Whenever I work the Steps, I tell my Higher Power that I am willing to heal, to find a solution, to feel better. The energy that would have been dumped into worry, tears, and obsession can be turned into positive action. “We all wish good things to happen to us, but we cannot just pray and then sit down and expect miracles to happen. We must back up our prayers with action.”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, Courage to Change—One Day at a Time in Al‑Anon II

“Lord, when we are wrong, make us willing to change. And when we are right, make us easy to live with.” Peter Marshall”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, Courage to Change—One Day at a Time in Al‑Anon II: Part 2

“Humility, the state of being humble, is often misunderstood; it is not a state of weakness, but of strength. It does not mean inferiority, resignation or submission; these imply that we are still resisting our need for help. When we are humble, we are totally willing to accept God's help, knowing that without it we cannot progress further. In humility we possess self-esteem, accept ourselves as we are, assets and defects alike, and extend the same acceptance to others. We are learning to recognize humility in others; we are attracted to them and we learn from them.”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, Paths to Recovery: Al-Anon's Steps, Traditions and Concepts

“In attempting to protect ourselves, we let our personalities slip away until we were emotionally numb. Struggling”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, How Al-Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics

“I had invited God to come into my life but I had no idea how I thought things should be or how often I would close the door to God and let my will run wild. But with each struggle I have with God, I learn more about His beauty, love and patience. He isn't so far removed from me now. He's become my best friend. I still say, "No God, this time I think you're wrong. I won't." And God waits until my whole being realizes that I'm incapable of doing it alone, that His way is the best way. He has miraculously given me the strength and courage to face life as it is. I have His help and guidance to weather the storms and enjoy the beauty I had not seen before.”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, As We Understood: A Collection of Spiritual Insights

“We are powerless over another’s alcoholism. We didn’t cause the disease. We can’t control it. And we can’t cure it.”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, How Al-Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics

“When I first stopped trying to fix other people, I turned my attention to 'curing' myself. I was in a hurry to get this healing process over. I wanted immediate recovery from the effects of growing up in a family riddled with alcoholism and from being married to an alcoholic. I looked forward to the day I would graduate from Al-Anon and get on with my life. As year two and year three passed, I was still in the program. I began to despair as the character defects I had worked so long to overcome came back to haunt me, particularly during times of stress and during periods when I didn't attend meetings.

I have severe arthritis in my joints. To cope with my condition, I have to assess my body each day and patiently respond to its needs. Some days I need a warm bath to get going in the morning. On other days I apply a medicated rub to the painful areas. Yet other days some light stretching and exercise help to loosen me up. I'ave accepted that my arthritis will never go away. It's a condition I manage daily with consistent, on-going care.

One day I made a connection between my medical condition and my struggle with recovery. I began to look at myself as having 'arthritis of the personality,' requiring patient, continuous care to keep me from 'stiffening' into old habits and attitudes. This care includes attending meetings, reading Al-Anon literature, calling my sponsor, and engaging in service. Now, as long as I practice patience, recovery is a manageable and adventurous process instead of an arduously sought end point.”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, Hope for Today

“The process of turning our life and will over to the care of God in Step Three begins by working the rest of the Steps and it involves more than giving up our defects. It involves giving God our assets, too.”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, As We Understood: A Collection of Spiritual Insights

“Rehearsing and re-rehearsing old injuries robs us of all that is precious. Shame never liberated a single spirit. And self-righteousness never softened a heart.”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, How Al-Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics by Al-Anon Family Groups

“I can’t control the rollercoaster At a recent meeting, the speaker said that life was a rollercoaster ride, and that we should expect to have ups and downs. That resonated with me. With an alcoholic wife and two kids experimenting with drugs, I’ve often felt like my life was careening out of control. But the times that I’ve felt worse were when I tried to control others. It was as if I reached over and grabbed their rollercoaster and got thrown around as it went through its motions. I can’t control that rollercoaster any more than I can stop or slow a real-life ride. It’s hard enough to deal with my own ride. I don’t need to take on someone else’s ride as well. I try to remember that when I see a loved one experiencing their ups and downs, I must resist the urge to grab on and try to control their ride, or go along on the ride with them. If I refrain from trying to control, my own ride becomes a little slower and a little straighter. I can’t make anyone else’s well-being more important to me than it is to them. By Rick, California”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, The Forum - October 2015

“By seeing the person as separate from the disease, by detaching, we can stop being hurt by groundless insults or angered by outrageous lies.”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, How Al-Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics by Al-Anon Family Groups

“Being a Sponsor is as much a commitment to myself as it is to someone else. It is not a favor. Sponsorship gives me a chance to share intimately, to care, to practice detaching with love, and to apply the Al-Anon principles more consciously than ever. And, if I listen to my own words, I find that I usually tell those whom I sponsor exactly what I myself need to hear. “Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think.” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, Courage to Change—One Day at a Time in Al‑Anon II

“We have a right to expect more from life than mere survival.”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, How Al-Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics

“can take steps to make amends, we cannot change the fact”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, Courage to Change—One Day at a Time in Al‑Anon II

“We cannot climb up a rope that is attached only to our own belt.” William Ernest Hocking”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, Courage to Change—One Day at a Time in Al‑Anon II

“Let It Begin with Me” is a way to change the things we can—especially our own attitudes—instead of waiting for everyone else to change to suit us.”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, How Al-Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics by Al-Anon Family Groups

“It is entirely up to us to determine what is acceptable to us and what is not. The same behavior that is intolerable to one person won’t bother another person at all.”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, How Al-Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics by Al-Anon Family Groups

“All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quiet in a room alone.” Blaise Pascal”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, Courage to Change—One Day at a Time in Al‑Anon II: Part 2

“But not all of our emotional experiences are unpleasant. We may also discover new joy, passion, creativity, excitement, and a sense of wonder. It is essential to make room in our lives and in our psyches for all of these new, positive feelings that can energize the pursuit of further growth and make life so much more enjoyable.”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, How Al-Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics by Al-Anon Family Groups

“…Desprenderse emocionalmente no significa menos atención sino más atención a mi propia serenidad.”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, Valor para cambiar: Un día a la vez en Al-Anon II

“Changing such self-defeating attitudes is essential to recovery, but we have to be honest with ourselves. There is no value in pretending to have a sunny outlook when we really perceive a situation to be painful or frightening, or when we feel the world is a gloomy place. We are seeking genuine change, not denial. And the first step in changing our negative attitudes is becoming aware of them, a process that rarely happens overnight.”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, How Al-Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics by Al-Anon Family Groups

“It’s time to stop waiting for others to take care of me. The only person who can love me the way I want to be loved is me. “Gradually I accepted the fact that my ‘if only’ wishes were not about to come true. But I also learned that I could be happy even if they didn’t.”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, Courage to Change—One Day at a Time in Al‑Anon II

“You have to count on living every single day in a way you believe will make you feel good about your life . . .” Jane Seymour”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, Courage to Change—One Day at a Time in Al‑Anon II

“As important as it is to set time aside for spiritual “exercise,” it is even more important to recognize that our spiritual selves require ongoing attention. Morning prayers may not provide all of the spiritual sustenance we need for the entire day any more than a mid-morning snack will satisfy all of our nutritional needs. We seek to make our Higher Power a constant companion, turning to the God of our understanding for guidance and spiritual nourishment throughout the day and night.”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, How Al-Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics by Al-Anon Family Groups

“know”
― Al-Anon Family Groups, Courage to Change—One Day at a Time in Al‑Anon II