E.M. Foner > Quotes

“The ambassador was part of the special remedial dating program,” Jeeves explained. “All of the other species on the station sign up with a dating service to find their best match, but some humans can’t coherently describe what they want for breakfast, much less for the rest of their lives.”
― E.M. Foner, Wanderers On Union Station

“How many G’s can your body tolerate without permanent damage?” In Joe’s experience, nothing good ever came from responding to this type of question.”
― E.M. Foner, Date Night on Union Station

“This isn't real dancing," Thomas shouted to Lynx in disappointment. "They're just jumping around like the floor is too hot, and waving their arms like they're under attack by biting insects.”
― E. M. Foner

“lying was also permissible to save a life, play poker, or to keep her mother from getting upset.”
― E.M. Foner, Guest Night on Union Station

“Aunty Kelly has a very important job, and someday she’ll make a living at it.”
― E.M. Foner, Date Night on Union Station

“What kind of galaxy is it when alien businessmen treat humans better than we treat each other?”
― E.M. Foner, Word Night on Union Station

“It’s as if both the Cayl and the Stryx run their domains like families, but with radically different parenting philosophies.”
― E.M. Foner, Guest Night on Union Station

“on Earth, everybody uses smartphones, and they all connect to the Internet, where you find things with a search engine. You tell the search engine what you’re looking for, and then it shows you a bunch of advertisements related to that thing.”
― E.M. Foner, Traders On The Galactic Tunnel Network

“It’s just that sometimes when I’m talking I can’t come up with common words. Do you think I have dysphasia?” “Anybody who can use dysphasia in a sentence doesn’t have it,”
― E.M. Foner, Empire Night on Union Station

“What was that bit about authorizing remote monitoring of my implants? Do you mean you have me bugged?” “Strange how nobody from your world ever reads the end user license agreements,” Jeeves said by way of an answer.”
― E.M. Foner, Date Night on Union Station

“Kelly, these are gamers discussing the maximum theoretical efficiency of mass transference weapons within a steep gravitational gradient. If you danced naked on the table, maybe one or two of the humanoids might look in your direction, but I wouldn’t bet on it. If all you want to do is leave unnoticed, just don’t hit anybody over the head with your chair after you stand up.” Kelly”
― E.M. Foner, Date Night on Union Station

“Your electoral systems have always favored candidates who say what the people want to hear, and your great vice as a species is your ability to believe them.”
― E.M. Foner, Spy Night on Union Station

“Dogs are tricky,” Joe warned, speaking from experience. “If you don’t watch out, they’ll have you waiting on them hand and foot.”
― E.M. Foner, High Priest on Union Station

“I’ve sort of lost my ability to multi-task as I’ve gotten older,”
― E.M. Foner, Family Night on Union Station

“After a couple of years of monitoring the news, I’ve learned that the same stories repeat in a cycle, with just the names and places changed. At first I thought that the news broadcasters were literally reusing old reporting to save money, but I gradually came to the conclusion that humans find it comforting to watch the same news over and over again.”
― E.M. Foner, Turing Test

“I don’t expect any of you to be experts in my system of jurisprudence, but I can summarize by saying that I’m in charge here.”
― E.M. Foner, Independent Living

“I began to question whether the galaxy really needed another book about the last survivors of an alien invasion escaping on an obsolete battleship and overcoming enemies who underestimate the plucky humans.”
― E.M. Foner, Con Living

“Statistics quantify the improbable, magic explains the impossible,”
― E.M. Foner, Magic Test

“if everybody kept track of all the coincidences in our lives, we’d end up believing that we’re guided by an unseen hand. But Uncle Stanley says that the whole invisible hand business is part of a disproven economic theory from centuries ago.”
― E.M. Foner, Guest Night on Union Station

“You’re married to the job, and that’s your problem. You care more about getting in the middle of every crisis that comes up than you do about finding a man. I think you’re actually embarrassed by the fact that the humans who come out here act just as badly as they did on Earth.”
― E.M. Foner, Date Night on Union Station

“But the galaxy was full of game players, and it turned out that human war games translated well to many cultures. And then there were the flashy kitchen gadgets, a phenomenon unique to Earth that had caught the eyes and imaginations of many species. Kelly heard that the most complicated and expensive gadgets had even started selling to aliens who didn’t eat, in any normal sense of the word. Some saw the gleaming stainless steel hardware with gears, spinning handles and pincers as a form of primitive artwork. Others might have been purchasing can openers as torture devices. The”
― E.M. Foner, Date Night on Union Station

“I wish I was here to work with cars,” Helen put in. “From the little I’ve seen, they’re much more interesting than the humans.”
― E.M. Foner, Turing Test

“True complexity can only be understood through history, not by looking at the present state of some seemingly complicated construct.”
― E.M. Foner, Alien Night on Union Station

“That and the fact that as Joe aged, the mercenary retirement plan of dying with your boots on had been sounding less and less attractive.”
― E.M. Foner, Date Night on Union Station

“At some point in their history, the Hortens had fought a war with microbes, and the aftermath had traumatized them so severely that the whole civilization was obsessed with cleanliness.”
― E.M. Foner, Alien Night on Union Station

“When the fabric of a centralized society begins to weaken, it frays first around the edges,”
― E.M. Foner, Carnival On Union Station

“Sometimes, the fittest members of the species selected by history are the ones who don’t draw a weapon at every perceived insult.”
― E.M. Foner, Soup Night on Union Station

“I realize that the academic environment may have turned me into something of a hothouse flower, but surely the concepts of freedom and liberty are universal.”
― E.M. Foner, Vacation on Union Station

“the Little Apple, a sort of melting pot of Earth cultures, though few of the activities that took place in the Little Apple could be described as cultural events.”
― E.M. Foner, Date Night on Union Station

“The evolution of an intelligent species starts with ‘What’s in it for me?’ and ends with ‘’What’s in it for everybody?”
― E.M. Foner, Earth on the Galactic Tunnel Network