Joe Newman > Quotes

“People tend to raise the child inside of them rather than the child in front of them.”
― Joe Newman, Raising Lions

“This book will explain why today’s children are more willful, more difficult to raise and more psychologically feeble than children forty years ago. Then I will show you how to change the way we raise these children to assure they become stronger, healthier and happier. I will show you how to prevent and turn around relatively minor problems”
― Joe Newman, Raising Lions: The Art of Compassionate Discipline

“If James didn’t sit down within five seconds of being told, the consequence shifted to two minutes. If the behaviorist had to physically bring him to the time out spot, the consequences shifted to five minutes. If James wouldn’t sit quietly on his own and needed to be held, the behaviorist held him firmly and silently until James had stopped struggling and was quiet and then he required James to sit quietly for five minutes while he held him loosely and five minutes quietly on his own.”
― Joe Newman, Raising Lions: The Art of Compassionate Discipline

“I met a mother of four who never let her children choose what they were having for dinner, even when they went out to eat. Her reasoning was simple; she cooked dinner for six people every night and knew she couldn’t offer them choices, so she didn’t want them to get accustomed to choosing their dinner. Furthermore, she wanted her children to know they were part of a team and that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of one. Giving children choices about some things is fine, but there should be many times during a child’s day where they don’t have a choice, or the choices are very limited. Sometimes the only choice is between”
― Joe Newman, Raising Lions: The Art of Compassionate Discipline, 2nd Edition

“He is crying out for someone to oppose him so he can affirm his independence. He is trying to emerge from the womb of oneness into the identity of interdependence. By accommodating him instead of opposing him, his parents are unwittingly infantilizing him, and encouraging him to go back into oneness.”
― Joe Newman, Raising Lions: The Art of Compassionate Discipline, 2nd Edition

“I felt like my clients had been trying to make an environment for their son that was like some big interactive padded room where he could do anything he wanted and remain safe. Any desires or needs the parents had seemed to come a far second to the needs and desires of their son. While this type of environment was certainly stimulating and educational, it was missing the thing most needed: interaction with the clearly expressed will of another. In order for a toddler to develop connection, they must come up against the will and desires of others. There must be conflict.”
― Joe Newman, Raising Lions: The Art of Compassionate Discipline, 2nd Edition

“In order for Jacob to develop the emotional and psychological muscles that are needed for self-discipline and self-regulation, he must experience the frustrations that come with not getting what he wants.”
― Joe Newman, Raising Lions: The Art of Compassionate Discipline, 2nd Edition