Sara Barron > Quotes

“...I'm severely allergic to unsolicited monologue performances in public. While they don't cause sneezing or hives, when exposed, I do experience extreme and immediate vaginal dryness.”
― Sara Barron, Have I Got a Guy for You: What Really Happens When Mom Fixes You Up

“Namely, when asked to pee on a person, shouldn't you make absolutely sure you've heard correctly?”
― Sara Barron, People Are Unappealing: Even Me

“I was convinced that all couples enjoyed a postcoital champagne toast. As far as I knew, where there's sex, there would be bubbly. “That was very nice,” Jenny tells Mark in scene 8. “Now I'm going to go get the champagne.” It's not the mix of sex and alcohol that I find odd, it's the champagne-specific focus. Several awkward stints as a bridesmaid notwithstanding, champagne has been notably absent from my amour-making, personally. Beer, the occasional Zima in my younger days, these are my more frequent costars.”
― Sara Barron, People Are Unappealing: Even Me

“It's always a mistake to think the seemingly deranged are not perceptive.”
― Sara Barron, The Harm in Asking: My Clumsy Encounters with the Human Race

“Two groups of people read medical dictionaries: premed students and hypochondriacs. You can tell who's who because med students look bored, hypochondriacs enthralled.”
― Sara Barron, People Are Unappealing: Even Me

“That's when I noticed his oddly swollen gums. Now, I must point out that my mom has always told me to be wary of men with poor dental hygiene. “Steer clear,” she warns, “it means they're irresponsible.” And suddenly it dawned on me! This was what he'd meant by “I am what you were warned about…”
― Sara Barron, People Are Unappealing: Even Me