Sean Patrick Little > Quotes

“Most of the birds had died, though. I knew that parakeets and cockatoos wouldn’t last forever in Wisconsin, especially once Fall arrived and the temperatures dropped, but a fighting chance was better than no chance.”
― Sean Patrick Little, After Everyone Died

“Another channel said it was the fault of our own government, a lab experiment gone bad. The right-wing channels blamed liberals. The left-wing channels blamed conservatives.”
― Sean Patrick Little, All We Have

“Ladies and gentlemen!” A loud, brash male voice rose above the din in the bar; it was bellowing and unmistakable. “May I have your attention, please!”
Abe’s stomach tightened into a ball. After more than twenty years of listening to absurd nonsequiturs being bandied about during lulls in the office by the same voice, Abe knew who was speaking in an instant. His longtime business partner, CS Duffy, clad in his standard black Carhartt hooded sweatshirt and faded blue jeans, a Milwaukee Brewers cap on his head, was standing on a chair holding up his private investigator’s license folio as if it was some sort of officious piece of federal ID. “My name is Dr. Herbert Manfred Marx. I am with the CDC. We have an emergency situation.”
The bar quieted nearly to silence. Abe started to move toward his partner. He had no idea what Duff was planning to say or do, but he knew it wouldn’t be good.
Duff looked around the room, taking the time to make eye contact with the dozens of concerned speed daters. “The CDC has isolated a new form of sexually transmitted disease. We are calling it Mega-Herpes Complex IX. It is highly contagious and may result in your genitals exploding off your bodies in much the same way some lizards eject their own tails to confuse pursuing predators.”
There were a few gasps from some of the women in the room and a round of confused murmurs.
Duff continued unfazed. He unfurled a large, unflattering photocopy of an old photograph of Abe’s face. “We believe we have tracked Patient Zero to this location. If you see this man, for the love of God, do not sleep with him!”
Abe walked up to Duff, grabbed his sleeve, and yanked him off the chair.
Duff landed heavily. “Hey, Patient Zero! Good to see you.”
― Sean Patrick Little, Where Art Thou?

“You’re a detective? Really?”
“That’s what it says on the waistband of my underwear. Abe, lay one of our cards on the man.”
Abe already had a business card in his hand. He set it in the middle of the desk, oriented so McMahon could read it without touching it. “I’m Abe. That’s Duff. Forgive him. He was raised in the woods by a family of sasquatch, and not the cultured kind of sasquatch, either.”
“I miss my hairy momma.” Duff kissed his fist and pointed at the ceiling. “Skookum Valley ain’t the same without you, Mom!”
― Sean Patrick Little, Where Art Thou?

“Duff tapped the ex-Marine-or-SEAL on the shoulder. “Hey, do rich people have access to cleaning products the rest of us don’t?”
The guard said nothing.
“You don’t clean anyway,” said Abe.
“I might if I had magic rich people cleaning powder.”
“Why don’t you start with a bottle of Comet and work your way up?”
“Comet is for commoners. I’m more refined than that.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Let me dream, peasant.”
― Sean Patrick Little, Where Art Thou?

“The snow had moistened the dry leaves of the stalks of corn so that their usual papery rustle was barely more than a bit of low static in the distance. The winter birds were quiet in the gray daylight. Even the crows, which had somehow become even more prevalent since the apocalypse (as you could imagine), were content to sit on branches, hunkered against the cold, and watch me with unblinking black eyes.”
― Sean Patrick Little, After Everyone Died

“Duff rolled his eyes so hard it caused a shift in the tectonic plates. “Golly, Chuck Woolery, the least you could do is buy the man a half-hour with a sympathetic hooker for an unenthusiastic hand job.”
― Sean Patrick Little, Where Art Thou?

“I was an ardent feminist”
― Sean Patrick Little, All We Have

“Jack Daniels, an empty shot glass, and an empty Miller Lite bottle. Someone had been here to drown their sorrows. They drank alone,”
― Sean Patrick Little, After Everyone Died

“I’ll stand guard,” said Abe.

Duff rolled his eyes. “As you wish.” He sat on the ground and lowered his legs into the cave mouth. “If I have to fight a bear in this one, I’m going to be very upset with you.”

“I don’t think there are bears this far south.”

“Bigfoots, then. If I have to fight a sasquatch, that’s on your ass.”

“I’ll take that chance.”

Duff started to wiggle into the hole. “If I die in
hand-to-hand combat with a Bigfoot, tell everyone I died doing what I loved.”
― Sean Patrick Little

“I think he has done most of the heavy lifting, and I have let him. Could I go back to being alone and independent?”
― Sean Patrick Little, All We Have

“Grief is a weird thing, and it likes to come out of nowhere. It attacks you when you least expect it and leaves you emotionally slaughtered, but it’s a strange phenomena. You can’t predict when it will hit. You can’t even predict what it will do to you when it does hit. Sometimes seeing the tiniest thing will trigger an attack, and other times you can look directly at the most traumatic scene you can imagine and you won’t even blink.”
― Sean Patrick Little, After Everyone Died

“but I was able to scrounge a few ears of sweet corn and some zucchini from last year’s plants that had stubbornly regrown.”
― Sean Patrick Little, After Everyone Died

“If there had been plows and other people, this one wouldn’t have even phased us.”
― Sean Patrick Little, After Everyone Died