Barry Hughart > Quotes

“Error can point the way to truth, while empty-headedness can only lead to more empty-headedness or to a career in politics.”
― Barry Hughart, Bridge of Birds

“Fable has strong shoulders that carry far more truth than fact can.”
― Barry Hughart, Bridge of Birds

“The supernatural can be very annoying until one finds the key that transforms it into science," he observed mildly... "Come on, Ox, let's go out and get killed.”
― Barry Hughart, Bridge of Birds

“The emotional health of a village depended upon having a man whom everyone loved to hate, and Heaven had blessed us with two of them.”
― Barry Hughart, Bridge of Birds

“O great and mighty Master Li, pray impart to me the Secret of Wisdom!" he bawled.

"Take a large bowl," I said. "Fill it with equal measures of fact, fantasy, history, mythology, science, superstition, logic, and lunacy. Darken the mixture with bitter tears, brighten it with howls of laughter, toss in three thousand years of civilization, bellow kan pei — which means 'dry cup' — and drink to the dregs."

Procopius stared at me. "And I will be wise?" he asked.

"Better," I said. "You will be Chinese.”
― Barry Hughart, Bridge of Birds

“Blessed are the idiots, for they are happiest people on earth.”
― Barry Hughart, Bridge of Birds

“...the problem with poetic justice is that it never knows when to stop.”
― Barry Hughart, Bridge of Birds

“Immortality is only for the gods," he whispered. "I wonder how they can stand it.”
― Barry Hughart, Bridge of Birds

“Don't be ashamed of reliving your childhood, Ox, because all of us must do it now and then to maintain our sanity.”
― Barry Hughart, Bridge of Birds

“Occasionally a moderately intelligent thought misses a turn and accidentally enters my mind”
― Barry Hughart, The Story of the Stone

“I have never been able to understand why perfectly sensible people waste time being wittily obscure instead of just saying what they want and going on about their business.”
― Barry Hughart, The Story of the Stone

“Master Li, how are we going to murder a man who laughs at axes?" I asked.

We are going to experiment, dear boy. Our first order of business will be to find a deranged alchemist, which should not be very difficult. China," said Master Li, "is overstocked with deranged alchemists.”
― Barry Hughart, Bridge of Birds

“Mystery and terror are the bulwarks of tyranny.”
― Barry Hughart, Bridge of Birds

“....Master Li turned bright red while he scorched the air with the Sixty Sequential Sacrileges with which he had won the all-China Freestyle Blasphemy Competition in Hangchow three years in a row.”
― Barry Hughart, Bridge of Birds

“Our senses are woefully limited. Our brains are but tiny candles flickering in an infinity of darkness. Our only wisdom is to admit that we cannot understand, and since we cannot understand we must do the best we can with faith. which is our only talent. The greatest act of faith we are capable of is that of loving another more than we love ourselves, and occasionally we can be quite good at it.”
― Barry Hughart, The Story of the Stone

“The mind is a miser," he said. "Nothing is ever thrown away, and it's amazing what you can find if you dig deep enough.”
― Barry Hughart, The Story of the Stone

“everybody knows that the soul of a cat is formed from the composite souls of nine debauched nuns who failed in their vows.”
― Barry Hughart, Bridge of Birds

“I shall clasp my hands together and bow to the corners of the world.
May your villages remain ignorant of tax collectors, and may your sons be many and ugly and strong and willing workers, and may your daughters be few and beautiful and excellent providers of love gifts from eminent families that live very far away, and may your lives be blessed by the beauty that has touched mine.
Farewell.”
― Barry Hughart, Bridge of Birds

“Show me a quest for personal immortality and I'll show you a path through a slaughterhouse, and the incense of personal divinity is the stench of other people's corpses.”
― Barry Hughart, The Story of the Stone

“Ox, what occupation is most closely linked to insanity?'

'Emperor,' I said promptly.”
― Barry Hughart, The Story of the Stone

“The problem with 'the crown jewel of Chinese literature' [Dream of the Red Chamber] is that it has two thousand pages and an equal number of characters, and the hero is an effeminate ass who should have either been spanked or decapitated, both ends being equally objectionable.”
― Barry Hughart, The Story of the Stone

“I can see him now in his cart pulled by two deer, followed by a couple of servants. Once carried enough wine to kill Liu Ling, and the other carried a spade to bury him on the spot – so much for Confucian ceremony. When I came to call, he’d greet me stark naked and I can still hear him scream, “The universe is my dwelling place and my house is my only clothes! Why are you entering into my pants?”
― Barry Hughart The Story of the Stone

“Ox, at an early age a Chinese genius gazes at the path that lies ahead and reaches for a wine jar," Master Li said. "Is it any wonder that our greatest men have lurched rather than walked across the landscape as they hiccuped their way into history?”
― Barry Hughart, The Story of the Stone

“I have decided that the problem with poetic justice is that it never knows when to stop.”
― Barry Hughart, Bridge of Birds

“Key Rabbit, allow me to bore you with a comparison of your wife and a beautiful woman," I said. "In the morning a beauty must lie in bed for three or four hours gathering strength for another mighty battle with Nature. Then, after being bathed and toweled by her maids, she loosens her hair in the Cascade of Teasing Willows Style, paints her eyebrows in the Distant Mountain Range Style, anoints herself with the Nine Bends of the River Diving-water Perfume, applies rouge, mascara, and eye shadow, and covers the whole works with a good two inches of the Powder of the Nonchalant Approach. Then she dresses in a plum-blossom patterned tunic with matching skirt and stockings, adds four or five pounds of jewelry, looks in the mirror for any visible sign of humanity and is relieved to find none, checks her makeup to be sure that it has hardened into an immovable mask, sprinkles herself with the Hundred Ingredients Perfume of the Heavenly Spirits who Descended in the Rain Shower, and minces with tiny steps toward the new day. Which, like any other day, will consist of gossip and giggles.”
― Barry Hughart, Bridge of Birds

“Boy, just look at the soul shining through my eyes! It’s like a goddamned flower!”
― Barry Hughart, Bridge of Birds

“Nothing on the face of this earth - and I do mean nothing - is half so dangerous as a children's story that happens to be real, and you and I are wandering blindfolded through a myth devised by a maniac.”
― Barry Hughart, Bridge of Birds

“Alas, great is my sorrow. Your name is Ah Chen, and when you were born I was not truly pleased. I am a farmer, and a farmer needs strong sons to help with his work, but before a year had passed you had stolen my heart. You grew more teeth, and you grew daily in wisdom, and you said 'Mommy' and 'Daddy' and your pronunciation was perfect. When you were three you would knock at the door and then you would run back and ask, 'Who is it?' When you were four your uncle came to visit and you played the host. Lifting your cup, you said, 'Ching!' and we roared with laughter and you blushed and covered your face with your hands, but I know that you thought yourself very clever. Now they tell me that I must try to forget you, but it is hard to forget you.

"You carried a toy basket. You sat at a low stool to eat porridge. You repeated the Great Learning and bowed to Buddha. You played at guessing games, and romped around the house. You were very brave, and when you fell and cut your knee you did not cry because you did not think it was right. When you picked up fruit or rice, you always looked at people's faces to see if it was all right before putting it in your mouth, and you were careful not to tear your clothes.

"Ah Chen, do you remember how worried we were when the flood broke our dikes and the sickness killed our pigs? Then the Duke of Ch'in raised our taxes and I was sent to plead with him, and I made him believe that we could not pay out taxes. Peasants who cannot pay taxes are useless to dukes, so he sent his soldiers to destroy our village, and thus it was the foolishness of your father that led to your death. Now you have gone to Hell to be judged, and I know that you must be very frightened, but you must try not to cry or make loud noises because it is not like being at home with your own people.

"Ah Chen, do you remember Auntie Yang, the midwife? She was also killed, and she was very fond of you. She had no little girls of her own, so it is alright for you to try and find her, and to offer her your hand and ask her to take care of you. When you come before the Yama Kings, you should clasp your hands together and plead to them: 'I am young and I am innocent. I was born in a poor family, and I was content with scanty meals. I was never wilfully careless of my shoes and my clothing, and I never wasted a grain of rice. If evil spirits bully me, may thou protect me.' You should put it just that way, and I am sure that the Yama Kings will protect you.

"Ah Chen, I have soup for you and I will burn paper money for you to use, and the priest is writing down this prayer that I will send to you. If you hear my prayer, will you come to see me in your dreams? If fate so wills that you must yet lead an earthly life, I pray that you will come again to your mother's womb. Meanwhile I will cry, 'Ah Chen, your father is here!' I can but weep for you, and call your name.”
― Barry Hughart, Bridge of Birds

“...the emotional health of a village depended upon having a man whom everyone hated.”
― Barry Hughart, Bridge of Birds

“Nothing on the face of this earth - and I do mean nothing - is half so dangerous as a children's story that happens to be real...”
― Barry Hughart, Bridge of Birds