Steven Primrose-Smith > Quotes

“The picnic table next to mine was full of old moaners complaining about how the youth of today have it so easy. Well, of course they do. With zero-hour contracts, piles of student debt and house prices containing more zeroes than a Belarusian bank note, they don't know they're born.”
― Steven Primrose-Smith, Route Britannia, the Journey North: A Spontaneous Bicycle Ride through Every County in Britain

“A few miles north of Aberdeen is Balmedie, home to one of Donald Trump's Scottish golf courses. Even if you know nothing about golf you instantly know that the course is one of his, because like every other business he owns, he has his name plastered on it. I'm assuming that 'trump' isn't a euphemism for 'fart' in the USA. It's interesting to see the reaction of the Scottish people to the mendacious human Wotsit, even before he got his tiny fingers on the nuclear button. Michael Forbes, a farmer in Balmedie, won the “Top Scot” trophy at the Glenfiddich Spirit of Scotland Awards after refusing to sell his land to the pussy-grabbing billionaire. Trump had claimed that Forbes' farm was a slum and would spoil the view of his new hotel. Forbes replied that Trump could “take his money and shove it up his arse.” Trump said that for Scotland this whisky-company's accolade was a “terrible embarrassment”, national laughing-stocks being something of a speciality of his.”
― Steven Primrose-Smith, Route Britannia, the Journey North: A Spontaneous Bicycle Ride through Every County in Britain

“Other Scots had it worse. David and Moira Milne lived near the coast. “Before the golf coast came here, this was a pristine, natural landscape, wild and untamed,” said David. “It was rough land, nature at its finest. Now, it's just a golf course. I'm bang in the middle of the estate, I'm afraid.” Trump's solution, as it so often is, was to build a wall, and then he sent the bill to the Milnes, who, like Mexico have promised, refused to pay up. Trump knew the Milnes valued their property's vista because previously Moira had taken Donald Trump Jnr around the front of the house to point out that they had an uninterrupted view of forty miles of coastline. So, to remove what the Milnes held most dear, Trump had his lackeys plant tall trees all around David's property. Nice guy.”
― Steven Primrose-Smith, Route Britannia, the Journey North: A Spontaneous Bicycle Ride through Every County in Britain

“Trees aside, nothing grew very tall, the moorland dotted with the occasional low shrub and the odd single stone, standing all alone, like Katie Hopkins at a party.”
― Steven Primrose-Smith, Route Britannia, the Journey South: A Spontaneous Bicycle Ride through Every County in Britain

“As a bonus, unless your Spanish is amazing, you won't have a clue what is happening in national politics, which makes for a happier mental state.”
― Steven Primrose-Smith, Route Britannia, the Journey North: A Spontaneous Bicycle Ride through Every County in Britain

“Britain's geography is odd. Peterhead is the eastern-most point of mainland Scotland although that puts it further west than Stratford-upon-Avon, which is on the western side of the British Midlands. It's sometimes difficult to believe that east coast Edinburgh and Dundee are both farther west than west coast Bristol.”
― Steven Primrose-Smith, Route Britannia, the Journey North: A Spontaneous Bicycle Ride through Every County in Britain

“Surely it's better to lose at a running race at an early age than to reach sixteen riding on a wave of life's inability to disappoint and then commit suicide because the WiFi's gone down for twenty minutes.”
― Steven Primrose-Smith, Route Britannia, the Journey South: A Spontaneous Bicycle Ride through Every County in Britain

“He said he was from Bradford. “I got lost in Bradford once,” I said. “As long as you can find your way out,” he replied, “then you're going in the right direction.”
― Steven Primrose-Smith, Route Britannia, the Journey North: A Spontaneous Bicycle Ride through Every County in Britain

“During the run-up to the vote there had been an argument that leaving the EU would disproportionately disadvantage the youth. But since the millennials had it so good, the consensus around the table seemed to be that the miserable old sods had given the youngsters a challenge by dragging them out of the EU and the 27 other countries in which they could have found work. That'll teach 'em.”
― Steven Primrose-Smith, Route Britannia, the Journey North: A Spontaneous Bicycle Ride through Every County in Britain

“But, in reality, we're all dying. We should remind ourselves of that on a daily basis, appreciate we're still around and try to squeeze as much as possible into what's left.”
― Steven Primrose-Smith, No Place Like Home, Thank God: A 22,000 Mile Bicycle Ride Around Europe