Bill Simmons > Quotes

“If you don't agree with me, I have two words for you: shut the fuck up.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“But that's the thing about basketball: you don't play games on paper.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“The secret of basketball is that it’s not about basketball.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“You never know when true greatness is lurking around the corner. Just make sure you don’t forget the ones who already lurked.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“That’s our starting five: ’86 Bird, ’03 Duncan, ’85 Magic, ’92 Jordan and ’77 Kareem. You cannot assemble a better five-man unit of modern guys.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“So here’s the final Wine Cellar Team: ’77 Kareem, ’03 Duncan, ’86 Bird, ’92 Jordan, ’85 Magic (starters); ’86 McHale, ’92 Pippen, ’09 Wade, ’77 Walton, ’10 LeBron, ’09 Paul, ’01 Allen (bench).”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“Q: Which party had wildest celebration and how did it play out?

1) The 1972 Dolphins Super Bowl watching party for the David Tyree catch?

2) The Jack Nicklaus day after Thanksgiving morning in 2009?

3) The NFL referee Monday night football watching party at Ed Hochuli's house for the Seattle/Green Bay game?
—Steve G., Salt Lake City

SG: Here's my theory on the day after Thanksgiving in 2009: I think Jack Nicklaus heard the news, went out and bought a bottle of 20-year-old Pappy Van Winkle, found an antique shotgun with 300 rounds of ammo, then drove to a secluded spot in the woods 25 miles away from any other human being. He got out of his car, started jumping around and screaming like he won the Super Bowl, did this for 20 solid minutes, then started swigging whiskey and shooting at things while whooping it up. Eventually, he drank the entire bottle, got back into his car and just started happily ramming into trees until the car stopped moving. Then he passed out in the driver's seat, woke up the next morning and walked home. Anyway, my answer is Jack Nicklaus.”
― Bill Simmons Grantland Mailbag Oct. 28 2012

“Would Dolph be more useful in 2010 than Steve Novak?”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“Is it reasonable for a man to average 50.4 points a game while finishing second in the MVP voting? It is not. But this is Wilt’s legacy (and it always will be).”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“a state of mind, an obligation, an expectation; in the end, an attitude. Excellence. It’s a rare chance to play with the best, to be the best. When you have it, you don’t want to give it up. It’s not easy and it’s not always fun … when you win as often as we do, you earn a right to lose. It’s losing to remember what winning feels like.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“Do Magic’s Lakers win five titles with Jordan before Jordan thriving in Denver and Walton’s feet holding up in Portland? I’m going out on a limb and saying no. What a shame.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“fact, the ’01 Lakers swept a 50-win Blazers team (that nearly beat them the previous spring), a 55-win Kings team (that almost beat them 12 months later), and a 58-win Spurs team (that won three titles in the next six years),43 then came within an overtime loss of sweeping the 56-win Sixers,”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“caused Brent Musburger to ejaculate on live TV”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“We always hear about the lack of support for superstars like KG or Oscar, but jeez, the Rockets baked Hakeem a shit soufflé of teammates for six solid years (1987–1993).”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“You will not find a bigger month for a sports league than June ’84 for the NBA.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“Russell never got as much recognition as he deserved. Race was one reason. During the early sixties no black artist got adequate publicity.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“Here comes the great Kaka!”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“And that’s how it went for Moses Malone. He stayed out of trouble, showed up on time, cashed his paychecks and always gave a crap.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“A Doc-Pistol alliance would have pushed YouTube to another level, transformed Maravich’s career, caused Brent Musburger to ejaculate on live TV”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“the Lakers unleashed an all-time Keyser Söze run in April, winning 23 of their last 24 and coming within an OT loss in the Finals of sweeping the entire playoffs.41 So if we’re trying to find the most invincible team of all time,”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“It’s safe to say that the ’86 Rockets were the signature what-if team in NBA history.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“his 1999–2000 season (24–7–9, 153 steals, 45 percent FG, 82 games, 3,425 minutes) ranks in the pantheon of Greatest Point Guard Seasons Ever …”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“Should hyperintelligence matter when we’re comparing teams from different decades? Absolutely. It’s an era-specific advantage, just like smoking, lowtop sneakers, lack of fitness and rudimentary VD medication were detriments during the Russell era.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“That’s control of the flow. Flow plus meaning equals performance.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“For my father and for my son.
I hope I can be half as good of a dad.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“not only did Bird’s team win, but Magic choked badly in crunch time of Game 2, Game 4 and Game 7. (I mean, badly. Like, everyone rehashed it all summer.)”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“Frazier’s resume includes three extremes: one of the best big-game guards ever; one of the best defensive guards ever; and one of the single greatest performances ever (Game 7 of the ’70 Finals, when he notched 36 points, 19 assists, 7 rebounds and 5 steals and outclutched the actual Mr. Clutch).”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“He played for six championship teams. He reached ten Finals and fourteen Conference Finals. His”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“(Wait, that sounds like me!)”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

“They destroyed every playoff opponent and set a record for postseason point differential that still stands.”
― Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy