Paul K Chafetz

“The only path to a more peaceful life for the child of a difficult older parent is to change himself. “But wait!” you might say. “Whose fault is it that I am a child of a difficult older parent, and whose responsibility is it to fix the situation? I’m not the sick or crazy one! Why not just get help for my parent? Why do I have to change? Why is it up to me to do all this work?!” This is a profoundly important question. The answer is that is it virtually impossible to change another adult’s personality. Only they can change themselves, and then only with intention, hard work, commitment, and professional help. This rarely happens. This means that people remain who they are, unless they mindfully and effectively work at changing themselves.”
― Paul K Chafetz, Loving Hard-to-Love Parents: A Handbook for Adult Children of Difficult Older Parents