Susie Boyt

“I felt arrows of rage rising in me, fraught images spreading like bloodstains. There’s no point, I told myself. I reached for the ordinary decoys. It won’t get you anywhere. Think of the outcome you want and make sure you are moving towards it. Got to be practical. That’s what I always told the girls at school. There is so much in life that doesn’t matter, so many things that hold you back, hem you in and throw you off the scent of what’s important. Don’t get too bogged down in things that don’t count or things you cannot influence, and specifically don’t worry too much about making sure others know you’re in the right, because it so easily gets in the way of what you want and need. Become an expert at shrugging most of life off and free yourself for what really interests you. Hone your focus. Don’t bother with cleaning or tidiness beyond basic hygiene. Don’t make your appearance your primary concern. It will zap all your creativity. Be as self-sufficient as you dare. Sometimes you hold more strength when people don’t know what you think or feel, so be very careful whom you confide in. People can run with your difficulties when you least expect it, distort them, relish them even, and before you know it they’re not yours any more. Respect your privacy. And earn you own money or you’ll lack power. Take good care of your friendships, nurture them and they’ll strengthen you. Don’t turn frowning at the defects of other people into a hobby, delicious though it may be; it poisons you. Read every day—it is a practice that dignifies humans. Become a great reader of books and it will help you with reality, you’ll more easily grasp the truth of things and that will set you up for life. And don’t expose your brain to low-quality art forms because there will be a certain measure of pollution.”
― Susie Boyt, Loved and Missed

“I hardened myself deliberately. I felt myself change in that minute. I saw my fingers stiffening, caught a different rhythm in my breaths. It was rage, I suppose. Terrible in life when you wanted to give everything and there wasn’t anyone willing to receive you. Some people believed that if your mother wasn’t all that bothered about you she must know more than anyone what you were really like, deep down, because she sort of invented you so, so there had to be something really wrong with you then. I didn’t think that way myself. But I had read it was important to allow all the feelings in so they had no power over you and you could be set free. Not to hold back on anything because it was too bad to say. To have a mother who wasn’t maternal.”
― Susie Boyt, Loved and Missed