Victoria D. Stubbs

“The worst relationship to be in is a projectionship. You’ve probably never heard of this term, but you’ve probably been in one, two or five yourself. I came up with this term after trying to figure out why my own relationships weren’t thriving. A projection is a defense mechanism that we’re all capable of doing. It simply means that we project or attribute characteristics, behaviors, circumstances to another person when really, we are the one who possess it and/or is doing it. It’s an unconscious way of passing an issue onto someone else so in order to relieve or avoid anxiety and discomfort. A projectionship therefore, has the illusion of a relationship, but instead of each person taking responsibility for their own hurts, pains, wounds and history, one or both partners keep projecting it onto the other which results in one or both partners constantly defending themselves or apologizing creating a cycle of stuckness, tension and often times co-dependency; thus, an inability to thrive. When folks haven’t done their own work, projectionships appear as relationships.”
― Victoria D. Stubbs, Untangled: A Black Woman’s Journey to Personal, Spiritual, and Sexual Freedom