Leah Montgomery

“that should’ve made sense, but didn’t. I just couldn’t quite bring it all together. I thought there was movement. I thought there were feather-light touches. I thought there were tears. Mine? Surely not. I’d cried all my tears, hadn’t I? But if not mine, then whose? Smells. Familiar smells. Coconut. Then burning wood. Then clean linen. Softness. Like clouds. Clouds that couldn’t, shouldn’t, wouldn’t hold me. I didn’t deserve clouds. I deserved hard, cold concrete. And that was the thought that woke me. A memory. The first in a cascade of memories, of terrors I’d just as soon have forgotten. That would’ve been merciful. But merciful wasn’t to be the case. I opened my eyes to the dim glow of light. A lamp. A familiar ceiling as I blinked up at it. Plain white with a medallion around a gorgeous chandelier. I remembered the day Gabe and I picked it out. Home. I was home. It was a thought. A feeling. A fantasy. How could I ever go home? After what I’d done, after what I’d become, how could I ever go home? I heard sobbing. Gentle, delicate sobbing. Only when a hand pressed lightly onto my shoulder did I realize it was me. The sobs were mine. They were as broken as I was. I rolled onto my side, away from the light. “Bright,” I croaked. I needed darkness.”
― Leah Montgomery, Right Next Door