Zahra Syeda

We have to see who mother was and who we are. What was mother really like when we were little? Was she withholding, not quite attentive enough? Or die she overprotect, intrude, and make us fesrful of life without her? Have we been able to face both t

We have to see who mother was and who we are. What was mother really like when we were little? Was she withholding, not quite attentive enough? Or die she overprotect, intrude, and make us fesrful of life without her? Have we been able to face both the good mother and the bad, to know what we love and what we hate, and begin to fuse them all at last without sentimental gloss

There is a big difference between being angry at someone and blaming them ... perhaps what mother did or didn't do came from the best intentions. That doesn't lessen the sting. You were hurt. You were angry. So it behooves you to acknowledge your anger and not hide it by saying, 'Poor mom, she did the best she could.' Just knowing that your anger is inappropriate to the present situation, that it is childish, helps put things in perspective. it frees you from having to relive the past situation in the present ... our conscious won't allow us to feel, let alone express, our rage at mother. To do so brings with it the guilt and fear of killing her ... thoughts of rage against our mothers are just not acceptable. The only thing more difficult to face is a mother's rage against the child. That is almost impossible. There's too much guilt.

We have to see who mother was and who we are. What was mother really like when we were little? Was she withholding, not quite attentive enough? Or die she overprotect, intrude, and make us fesrful of life without her? Have we been able to face both t

We have to see who mother was and who we are. What was mother really like when we were little? Was she withholding, not quite attentive enough? Or die she overprotect, intrude, and make us fesrful of life without her? Have we been able to face both the good mother and the bad, to know what we love and what we hate, and begin to fuse them all at last without sentimental gloss

There is a big difference between being angry at someone and blaming them ... perhaps what mother did or didn't do came from the best intentions. That doesn't lessen the sting. You were hurt. You were angry. So it behooves you to acknowledge your anger and not hide it by saying, 'Poor mom, she did the best she could.' Just knowing that your anger is inappropriate to the present situation, that it is childish, helps put things in perspective. it frees you from having to relive the past situation in the present ... our conscious won't allow us to feel, let alone express, our rage at mother. To do so brings with it the guilt and fear of killing her ... thoughts of rage against our mothers are just not acceptable. The only thing more difficult to face is a mother's rage against the child. That is almost impossible. There's too much guilt.