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Jára Cimrman

Born

Wien, Austria

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Jara Cimrman was a Vienna-born Czech polymath. He was a pedagogue, dramatist, philosopher, gynecologist-amateur, skier, inventor, a close friend of Einstein and a private enemy of Edison. His strongest character trait was patriotism, and he liked to come to Bohemia, which he considered his true home. Here his life work culminated.

In 2005, Jara Cimrman won the title of The Gratest Czech as a result of a poll organised by the Czech Television.

Early life
Jara Cimrman was born in the years 1850-1870 in Vienna. Because Franz Huschkov, the registrar of the 4th Vienna Parish, was making most of his entries in a state of inebriation, it cannot be said with any degree of certainty whether Jára Cimrman was born to Marlén and Leopold Cimrman on a free Jara Cimrman was a Vienna-born Czech polymath. He was a pedagogue, dramatist, philosopher, gynecologist-amateur, skier, inventor, a close friend of Einstein and a private enemy of Edison. His strongest character trait was patriotism, and he liked to come to Bohemia, which he considered his true home. Here his life work culminated.

In 2005, Jara Cimrman won the title of The Gratest Czech as a result of a poll organised by the Czech Television.

Early life
Jara Cimrman was born in the years 1850-1870 in Vienna. Because Franz Huschkov, the registrar of the 4th Vienna Parish, was making most of his entries in a state of inebriation, it cannot be said with any degree of certainty whether Jára Cimrman was born to Marlén and Leopold Cimrman on a freezing February night in 1857, 1864, or 1876. We therefore assume that he was born in 1880, which would make the year 2000 the 120th anniversary of the master’s birth.

In his childhood, he had to attend a Czech school in the mornings and a German school in the afternoons. Consequently, his manuscripts, which were written in a mixture of Czech and German, are full of Czechisms and Germanisms. Jara didn't live through the period of puberty. His parents were hiding the fact that he was a boy as they wanted him to wear his elder sister's old clothes. When his fellow classmates at the girls' school accidentaly revealed the truth that he was not a girl, he was already out of puberty (because girls mature sooner).

Biography & Contributions
At the age of 17 (or 42), he left home and lived in many countries and almost all continents.
According to his biographers, cimrmanologists represented by Ladislav Smoljak and Zdeněk Svěrák, Jára Cimrman made extensive contributions to all of mankind in many areas. He proposed the Panama Canal to the U.S. government, while composing a libretto for an opera of the same name. He reformed the school system in Galicia. With Count Zeppelin he constructed the first rigid airship using Swedish steel and Czech wicker (the wicker being for the cabin). He was deported from Germany as an anarchist, his personal documents carrying a note that he was "a source of unrest." This led the Swiss company Omega to offer him a job to improve the unrest - balance wheel - for their Piccolo line of ladies watches. (N.B. the Czech and German words for a watch's balance wheel ("nepokoj", "Unruhe") mean "unrest.") While in Switzerland, he introduced (and practised for some time), under the difficult Alpine conditions, the profession of obstetrician. He conducted investigations into the life of Arctic cannibalistic (who eat their fellows) tribes; and once, while running away from the furious tribe, he missed the North Pole by a mere seven meters, thus almost becoming the first human reaching the North Pole.

In Paraguay he supposedly created the first puppet-show. In Vienna he established the school of criminology, music and ballet. He corresponded with G.B. Shaw for many years, but unfortunately the dogged Irishman never replied him. He invented yogurt. He generously helped many great scientists: He carried on his own back the 45 tubs of pitchblende to the basement of Mr. and Mrs. Curie, he assisted Prof. Burian with his first plastic surgery, he reworked the electrical contact on Edison's first light bulb, and he found an sublet for Mr. Eiffel. He is the creator of the philosophy of Externism. Because of his enthusiasm for natural sciences, he discovered the monopole (as opposed to the then well known dipole), but this discovery fell into obscurity until it was bewilderingly revived by 20th century economists. He is also known for having advised Mendeleev, after seeing the first draft, that the Periodic Table should be rotated to its current orientation. It is said that when Graham Bell invented his telephone, he found 3 missed calls from Jára Cimrman. ...more

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Jára Cimrman’s books

Average rating: 4.46 · 3,315 ratings · 90 reviews · 18 distinct works • Similar authors

	Dobytí severního pólu Čechem Karlem Němcem 5. dubna 1909 by Jára Cimrman, Ladislav Smoljak, Zdeněk Svěrák 4.58 avg rating — 621 ratings — published 1993 — 2 editions	Error rating book. Refresh and try again. Rate this book Clear rating 1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars
	Vyšetřování ztráty třídní knihy : Činohra by Jára Cimrman, Ladislav Smoljak 4.28 avg rating — 387 ratings — published 1992	Error rating book. Refresh and try again. Rate this book Clear rating 1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars
	České nebe by Jára Cimrman, Ladislav Smoljak, Zdeněk Svěrák 4.57 avg rating — 317 ratings — published 2009	Error rating book. Refresh and try again. Rate this book Clear rating 1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars
	Dlouhý, Široký a Krátkozraký : Pohádka, která u dětí propadla by Jára Cimrman, Ladislav Smoljak, Zdeněk Svěrák 4.57 avg rating — 267 ratings — published 1994 — 2 editions	Error rating book. Refresh and try again. Rate this book Clear rating 1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars
	Záskok : Cimrmanova hra o nešťastné premiéře hry Vlasta by Jára Cimrman, Ladislav Smoljak, Zdeněk Svěrák 4.57 avg rating — 266 ratings — published 1994	Error rating book. Refresh and try again. Rate this book Clear rating 1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars
	Hospoda Na mýtince : Opereta 4.53 avg rating — 196 ratings — published 1994 — 2 editions	Error rating book. Refresh and try again. Rate this book Clear rating 1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars
	Vražda v salonním coupé : Detektivní hra by Jára Cimrman, Ladislav Smoljak, Zdeněk Svěrák 4.45 avg rating — 183 ratings — published 1994	Error rating book. Refresh and try again. Rate this book Clear rating 1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars
	Blaník : Jevištní podoba historického mýtu by Jára Cimrman, Ladislav Smoljak, Zdeněk Svěrák 4.56 avg rating — 164 ratings — published 1994 — 2 editions	Error rating book. Refresh and try again. Rate this book Clear rating 1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars
	Posel z Liptákova by Jára Cimrman, Ladislav Smoljak, Zdeněk Svěrák 4.36 avg rating — 169 ratings — published 1992 — 2 editions	Error rating book. Refresh and try again. Rate this book Clear rating 1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars
	Akt: Rodinné drama se zpěvy a tanci by Jára Cimrman, Zdeněk Svěrák 4.32 avg rating — 157 ratings — published 1992 — 2 editions	Error rating book. Refresh and try again. Rate this book Clear rating 1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars

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Quotes by Jára Cimrman (?)

“Byl jsem hrabě a vlastnil jsem bohaté panství. Ale chudoba mýc poddaných mě tak dojímala, že jsem jim chodil pomáhat robotovat na svých polích. Tím jsem zanedbával své vrchnostenské povinnosti. Brzy jsem se topil v dluzích a soused, také feudál, skoupil směnky a přivedl mě na buben. Víc než krejcar mi nedávejte, nechci se vrátit mezi tu bohatou pakáž.”
― Jára Cimrman, Hry a semináře

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“Lojzo! Protože Blaničtí za celých tři sta let habsburského útlaku nikdy nevyjeli, deprimuješ tak národ vyhlídkou, že to, co prožívá, není ještě nic proti tomu, co teprve přijde.”
― Jára Cimrman, Hry a semináře

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“Ale, Stanko, nepochválím-li se sám, nikdo jiný to za mne neudělá.”
― Jára Cimrman, Hry a semináře

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Jára Cimrman’s Followers (45)

Jára Cimrman

Combine EditionsJára Cimrman’s books

Combine Editions
Jára Cimrman’s books