Sunil Patel

“Congratulations on your exciting opportunity!” declared the blob in a voice that sounded like a mix between sandpaper and nails on a chalkboard. It appeared to be wholly ignorant of the way its voice sounded, its words infused with a joyful sincerity Paresh found unsettling.
“Excuse me?” asked Paresh, who had never encountered an alien before but decided that if the first thing they did when they invaded was congratulate you, they couldn’t be all that bad.
“We have identified you as a potential host body. We find your body very desirable.”
No one was allowed to find his body desirable but his wife, dammit. “Host body?”
“Our analysts have determined that your body’s complexion, specific gravity, and the length of its extremities are optimal for our experience.”
Sita had never commented on his specific gravity, but Paresh took it as a compliment. She had commented on the length of his extremity.”
― Sunil Patel, The Merger: A Romantic Comedy of Intergalactic Business Negotiations, Indecipherable Emotions, and Pizza