Adena Bank Lees

“Another facet of the forgiveness, grieving and healing process was the acknowledgement of my role as survivor. I did survive my childhood and adolescence. I am here now as an adult. I had the opportunity to exchange the identity of victim for one of survivor. I had lived a long time with victim glasses on and saw the world through those distorted lenses. “Poor me” was my cry. I believed my parents and others needed to change, if I was to be happy. As I entered my mid-twenties, I began to see this prescription wasn’t working. That was when I got new lenses and moved from the victim role to the survivor role, in which I did the bulk of my work to get a bridge built to the thriver role. This part of the journey takes the time it takes. It cannot be rushed. Patience and perseverance are necessary. Today, I wear thriver glasses most of the time. When there is high stress however, I may find myself reaching for the survivor or even victim glasses. My recovery is evident in that it happens less often, and I grab for my thriver lenses more quickly.”
― Adena Bank Lees, Covert Emotional Incest: The Hidden Sexual Abuse: A Story of Hope and Healing