Johnny’s review of All For One LitRPG: Book One > Likes and Comments
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Damn…. Guess I’m going to have to drop this one
David wrote: "Damn…. Guess I’m going to have to drop this one"
I mean you can read it if you want. It kinda reads like a badly translated web novel.
It's set between the copper and bronze age. People didn't know there were 24 hours in a day back then, and I'm sure they called it something else besides day and night. Someone invented the word "day" in the past and what it meant, then everyone else started using that definition. That's what I was trying to get at. They're at a time of when someone invented the word and its definition.
The King and the merchant, coming from two different civilizations contacting each other for the second time, exchanging their knowledge on things, and culture.
What note from me is between two chapters? Which chapters? Or are you talking about the footnotes, which is completely different than an author note. Those are for the readers to get a full update of the system, or skip it if they want, without me putting it in the story over and over again.
And editing took over 4 months due to the size of it.
Pegaz wrote: "It's set between the copper and bronze age. People didn't know there were 24 hours in a day back then, and I'm sure they called it something else besides day and night. Someone invented the word "d..."
This would be one of those times when settings should be made clear. Us readers can't read your mind.
The note may have been a foot note at one time, but it seems to have been blown up to take up an entire page. I want to say it's around chapter four, but I'm not 100% sure. I know that my review was harsh, but I'm not trying to discourage you from writing. I hope that you improve. I'll be there for your next attempt. Good luck!
The MC only found copper weapons until later in the book. I don't just come out and say it, I make the characters discover it. But, if you've only found copper weapons in a different world, you would naturally assume that you're in the copper era until you've seen proof to disclaim that, which the MC finds later in the book.
The king and the merchant exchanged knowledge, including how the merchant and his civilization calls their partners wives, while the king said they use life partner after going through a life union, along with other differences including what the word day represents. I still don't see what's wrong with that.
I'm guessing you mean the tutorial basics table since that's one of the biggest pieces of the system there is throughout the entire book. Which appears in chapter 7. I did explain it at the end of the book as Word and Kindle screws up the tables so I had to make them pictures. And because it is quite large, the thing takes up the entire page. There's nothing I can do about that, unless you want broken tables throughout the entire book.
Ugh, I'm not far into the book but its already grating to the point that I started checking reviews. The MC has these spurts of thinking back upon things that do not come across as such but instead awkward background info dumps. Where the MC seems to be Telling the reader things. Just tell tell tell all the time no show. Not yet an hour into the audiobook.
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David
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Mar 19, 2024 02:51PM
Damn…. Guess I’m going to have to drop this one
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David wrote: "Damn…. Guess I’m going to have to drop this one"I mean you can read it if you want. It kinda reads like a badly translated web novel.
It's set between the copper and bronze age. People didn't know there were 24 hours in a day back then, and I'm sure they called it something else besides day and night. Someone invented the word "day" in the past and what it meant, then everyone else started using that definition. That's what I was trying to get at. They're at a time of when someone invented the word and its definition.The King and the merchant, coming from two different civilizations contacting each other for the second time, exchanging their knowledge on things, and culture.
What note from me is between two chapters? Which chapters? Or are you talking about the footnotes, which is completely different than an author note. Those are for the readers to get a full update of the system, or skip it if they want, without me putting it in the story over and over again.
And editing took over 4 months due to the size of it.
Pegaz wrote: "It's set between the copper and bronze age. People didn't know there were 24 hours in a day back then, and I'm sure they called it something else besides day and night. Someone invented the word "d..."This would be one of those times when settings should be made clear. Us readers can't read your mind.
The note may have been a foot note at one time, but it seems to have been blown up to take up an entire page. I want to say it's around chapter four, but I'm not 100% sure. I know that my review was harsh, but I'm not trying to discourage you from writing. I hope that you improve. I'll be there for your next attempt. Good luck!
The MC only found copper weapons until later in the book. I don't just come out and say it, I make the characters discover it. But, if you've only found copper weapons in a different world, you would naturally assume that you're in the copper era until you've seen proof to disclaim that, which the MC finds later in the book.The king and the merchant exchanged knowledge, including how the merchant and his civilization calls their partners wives, while the king said they use life partner after going through a life union, along with other differences including what the word day represents. I still don't see what's wrong with that.
I'm guessing you mean the tutorial basics table since that's one of the biggest pieces of the system there is throughout the entire book. Which appears in chapter 7. I did explain it at the end of the book as Word and Kindle screws up the tables so I had to make them pictures. And because it is quite large, the thing takes up the entire page. There's nothing I can do about that, unless you want broken tables throughout the entire book.
Ugh, I'm not far into the book but its already grating to the point that I started checking reviews. The MC has these spurts of thinking back upon things that do not come across as such but instead awkward background info dumps. Where the MC seems to be Telling the reader things. Just tell tell tell all the time no show. Not yet an hour into the audiobook.
