Suzanne’s review of Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love > Likes and Comments
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I'm sorry you felt this upset too. I'm 80% through the book, and as a gay man I too felt we were too little represented, or not at all. I didn't take any percentages thrown around seriously because everywhere the book lacks references to said "studies", and I couldn't safely assign myself a single attachment style based on the questions asked. Nevertheless I think some advices there are useful to people of all orientations if you take the generalizations with a grain of salt. There is a part where he says people of conflicting attachment styles can stay together if they use effective communication and be able to compromise consciously unilaterally or together. Anyway, I felt I needed to comment because I only saw your comment regarding the lack of LGBTQ representation, which surprises me more people didn't notice or care.
Flavio, what a thoughtful response! Thank you. And happy reading. S
"While that other half, labeled "anxious" or "avoidant," can probably smell the whiff of pathology being sprayed in their direction. Why sell such ugly labels if the goal really is effective therapy?"
Feels like we read a different book. The authors specifically say that the book was largely written with those with an anxious attachment style in mind -- and they are doing everything in their power to de-pathologize them and to cast "blame" on society expecting them to be more "independent" and "less needy" when in fact they are perfectly fine and just need to understand themselves / find partners who understand them better.
Étienne, thank you. But “finding partners who understand them better” means not mixing with the securely attached. Because by definition they will never understand you. Even after all this time, I recall this book as disingenuous. And distinctly unhelpful.
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Flávio
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Apr 19, 2019 11:34AM
I'm sorry you felt this upset too. I'm 80% through the book, and as a gay man I too felt we were too little represented, or not at all. I didn't take any percentages thrown around seriously because everywhere the book lacks references to said "studies", and I couldn't safely assign myself a single attachment style based on the questions asked. Nevertheless I think some advices there are useful to people of all orientations if you take the generalizations with a grain of salt. There is a part where he says people of conflicting attachment styles can stay together if they use effective communication and be able to compromise consciously unilaterally or together. Anyway, I felt I needed to comment because I only saw your comment regarding the lack of LGBTQ representation, which surprises me more people didn't notice or care.
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Flavio, what a thoughtful response! Thank you. And happy reading. S
"While that other half, labeled "anxious" or "avoidant," can probably smell the whiff of pathology being sprayed in their direction. Why sell such ugly labels if the goal really is effective therapy?"Feels like we read a different book. The authors specifically say that the book was largely written with those with an anxious attachment style in mind -- and they are doing everything in their power to de-pathologize them and to cast "blame" on society expecting them to be more "independent" and "less needy" when in fact they are perfectly fine and just need to understand themselves / find partners who understand them better.
Étienne, thank you. But “finding partners who understand them better” means not mixing with the securely attached. Because by definition they will never understand you. Even after all this time, I recall this book as disingenuous. And distinctly unhelpful.
