Martyn’s review of The Cleaner > Likes and Comments

Hi Martyn,

Thanks for the review. A little stinging, perhaps, but I appreciate the time you spent explaining why it didn't work for you.

I hate unnecessary exposition, too, but the reader needs to know Milton's backstory (because it' essential in positioning him as a fish very much out of water in what follows) and that isn't something that can be very easily conveyed in another way in this instance. If it were possible, that's what I would have done. (And I most certainly don't consider my readers to be morons!)

It's a shame you stopped at that point. I won't try and persuade you to persevere, but, if you do, I'd be very interested in your thoughts.

Thanks again for the critique.

Best wishes,

MD

Mark wrote: "...the reader needs to know Milton's backstory (because it' essential in positioning him as a fish very much out of water in what follows) and that isn't something that can be very easily conveyed in another way in this instance. If it were possible, that's what I would have done."

Hi Mark,

While the necessity of the back story is debatable, the expository lump can be solved in several ways that make sure the information does not drag down the pace of the story.

As you admit yourself in the bold part of your reaction, you chose this particular method, because other methods cannot 'easily' convey what you wanted to say. But then, as authors, we have to steer clear of 'easy', if that results in 'lazy writing'.

I'm willing to discuss methods, but not on GoodReads, as these reviews are intended to inform readers, not to provide feedback to authors.

You can find my email in my profile, if you wish to contact me.

Cordially,
MVH

Maybe you shouldn't give such a damning review to a book you stopped reading.

The review isn't damning, Simon. Lots of readers enjoy huge info dumps. I don't enjoy them, I think info dumps are a sign of lazy writing. You're free to disagree.

I would like to add something.

I have bought this as audiobook, because that's the only way for me to read anything really, at the moment.

In any case, I was very disappointed by the Milton character.

He uses hair to keep track of people visiting the house, however after there is a break in it doesn't get any development what so ever.

He's a professional assassin, however he walks around without a round in the chamber and needs to fumble for it.

He opens the door without checking who it is.

He thinks a Makarov is a revolver.

He checks an assault rifle to his satisfaction JUST before a job (literally seconds before), without even dry firing it, not even talking about proper tests.

Mr. Dawson, I am sorry if I sound a little bit harsh, but the book has a feel of somebody who never touched a gun, much less had any experience with one.

Daniel wrote: "Mr. Dawson, I am sorry if I sound a little bit harsh, but the book has a feel of somebody who never touched a gun, much less had any experience with one."

The thing is, writers can do loads of research online. Pretty much all of the issues you found can be corrected by a five minute google search.

Even if you're not in the habit of shooting guns, you can still arrange for test-shooting guns - I shot a whole smorgasbord of small firearms side by side to distinguish between the kick of a Ruger Mark II .22 pistol and a Colt Python .357. And I tested out the weight of a gun pointing at a target with the arm stretched out and with holding my elbow against my side for stability.

Of course, that does require going out and getting the information, but these things are easily doable. Writing suspense or thriller fiction requires some knowledge of the tools of the trade, so you won't insult the intelligence of your readership.

I 100% agree with Martyn. Except I think you were over-generous giving it 1 star.

Henry wrote: "I 100% agree with Martyn. Except I think you were over-generous giving it 1 star."
What can I say? I'm a generous person. :D

I think the main criticism of this book is about right: there is too much clunky exposition in the first few chapters; however, having said that the author goes on to tell a good story. The ending is perhaps a little weak.

Is that the author in the comments section?
How creepy.

Monica wrote: "Is that the author in the comments section?
How creepy."

I’m an author myself and I understand why he commented on my review, but it shows that he doesn’t realise that reviews are for readers, not feedback for authors. That’s what beta-readers are for.

At least he wasn’t disrespectful, even if he was defensive about his writing. I know it can be hard to get a negative review, but he might not have had this review if he hadn’t been lazy with his exposition.

I've just finished book 5 of John Milton. If Mark Dawson is a lazy writer, I hope he lies down and writes more. Milton is a great character and I've really enjoyed books 1 to 5.

I have some books from this series. I’ve read 1000 Yards. It’s a short story. I liked it. I read it a year ago and I don’t remember what the stars are. I’m not a gun expert. Know nothing about guns, so I wouldn’t pick up on any gun inconsistencies.

I'm 116 pages in and there's been no consequences to the opening scene, nothing even mentioned about MI6 wanting him dead (despite that being the tag line and this only being 318 pages long). Instead I'm getting a trained killer with a conscious and feeling like he's turning into a social worker in a neighbourhood where all the kids act like they're gangsters.

Even if you're not in the habit of shooting guns, you can still arrange for test-shooting guns

That's interesting. My goal is to start writing novels in the crime and thriller genre. Something that has always bothered me about poorly researched thrillers is lack of attention to detail. You know, when Dan Brown's characters turn left into the Rue de Rivoli in Paris and continue their car chase - if they did, they'd run straight into oncoming traffic as the Rue de Rivoli is one-way (has been ever since I can remember). Things of that nature.

Thanks for this comment - as a member of the public with no experience of guns I have been wondering how to get some basic feel of how they operate. I agree with you first hand experiences are important when researching locations and events - I will check this out.

Mark wrote: "My goal is to start writing novels in the crime and thriller genre."

I write suspense fiction and my main character, working and living in Amsterdam, tries to avoid firearms as much as possible, but in her line of work (assassin), sometimes firearms are unavoidable, so she has to know something about them. And that meant I had to inform myself in order to add verisimilitude to the story.

Makes sense for an assassin to know something about guns... :-)

Mark wrote: "Makes sense for an assassin to know something about guns... :-)"

Yes, that's why I was so disturbed by the lack of research in The Cleaner.

Which thriller authors do you rate, Martin? I am currently reading my third David Baldacci in a row. A competent writer, in my view, but not great - happy to elaborate if you are interested. Some of my favourite writers (of thrillers) are Michael Crichton and Nelson deMille.

Sorry Martyn. Autocorrect...

Mark wrote: "Which thriller authors do you rate, Martin? I am currently reading my third David Baldacci in a row. A competent writer, in my view, but not great - happy to elaborate if you are interested. Some o..."

Actually, I don't read many thrillers. One of the reasons I started writing suspense fiction is because I didn't find the books I wanted to read. :D

I'm more into William Gibson, Iain M. Banks, Neil Gaiman, Charles Bukowski...

LOL! I think that is the perfect reason why one might wish to be a writer. My answer is exactly the same - I will write what I want to read. I love your list of writers - an eclectic mix but they all share a sense of being off-mainstream enfant terribles. Also checked out your list of books - impressive. Cheers, Mark.

Mark wrote: "LOL! I think that is the perfect reason why one might wish to be a writer. My answer is exactly the same - I will write what I want to read. I love your list of writers - an eclectic mix but they a..."

I think you should read across genres -- I even read romance novels to help me with my erotica.

Currently on the 18th Milton Novel and I have enjoyed them all. To each his own I guess but to me most of this criticism is beyond picky. Perhaps reading would be more enjoyable if people embraced the momentary lapse of reason concept. Fiction should be entertaining, not a research paper.

Even Ian Fleming got it wrong sometimes, and he was a naval officer (desk bound anyway). It took a firearms expert to tell him that Bond’s Beretta .25 was useless for fieldwork, and gave him the choice of the famous Walther PPK, and the S&W Centennial Lightweight in Dr No. (the scene was modified for the movie, but the premise was the same). The Walther PPK and its successors have been associated with Bond ever since.

Dan wrote: "Even Ian Fleming got it wrong sometimes, and he was a naval officer (desk bound anyway). It took a firearms expert to tell him that Bond’s Beretta .25 was useless for fieldwork, and gave him the ch..."
So Fleming changed his initial draft to feedback from a beta reader with gun knowledge. I use beta readers for my novels as well, people with specialist knowledge who can tell me where I'm wrong so I can correct the manuscript before it's published.

And research is a lot easier when you have access to the internet, which Fleming didn't have. So Dawson could've done the research or use beta readers with gun knowledge, but he apparently chose to do neither. Maybe he hoped an editor would notice any mistakes, but editors aren't fact-finders.