Milt’s review of Video Evidence (Videos Book 3) > Likes and Comments
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Please feel free to reach out to discuss where the editing needs work. I am asking on her behalf so that she can grow as an editor. Thank you for your review and yes, the VHS horror series was a big inspiration.
I apologize for not responding sooner, I'm embarrassed to say I just saw this. I'll gladly mention several instances, though if you'd like to do it privately I'm all for it. Otherwise give me a couple of days and I'll come back to this.
So, I managed to go through the first 24 pages of the Smashwords file, and then gave up. Things get worse further on. Here you go:
TYPO: We identified another teenager that was in the video as one, Seth Mitchels
TYPO: “Police!. If anyone is in
TYPO: but judging by the blood on the floor and dripping from their covered face. It was clear
GRAMMAR OF "WHETHER": Really, that’s your concern? Not whether he lives or dies, but whether or not we can communicate with him for a deposition?
WRONG WORD ("RELENTED"): I hung up the phone and relented the fact that he was my superior
GRAMMAR: several cases of "That/which" confusion
GRAMMAR: missing "of" in "think"
TYPO: at the mothers severed head
TYPO ("WAS" SHOULD BE DELETED): Apparently, the prospect of a serial killer in the area was, as the lab tech put it, made her “giddy”
TYPO: So seeing that all the first things that should be examined, can’t be examined. I’m gonna be stuck
TYPO: The lieutenant . wasn’t going
MESSY SYNTAX/GRAMMAR: As I was typing up the request for the evidence, the officer that I had told to take the dog we found in the closet after discovering the kid, to the shelter came back into the office, but he was all clawed and bit up with a thousand yard stare in his eye. Like he had seen something terrifying and couldn’t snap out of it while getting hit by a car.
MESSY SYNTAX: I was staring at the officer who I had just seen
decorate the walls with his brains, was now sitting there perfectly fine as
TYPO: it gets any worse” “No prob, boss
TYPO: its taken my kids
TYPO: involved in other areas disappearances
TYPO: family.” she said the
TYPO: ‘Click, the next
MESSY SYNTAX: the next video booting up the media player again, it seemed like even the computer was trying to keep a secret. Ms. Milninski’s face again was covering the lens until she was sitting down again.
TYPO: Ow, shit, Did I get
And so on and so forth. The last third of the book is practically unreadable because of so many mistakes. Hope that helps.
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Steven
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Dec 19, 2024 02:28PM
Please feel free to reach out to discuss where the editing needs work. I am asking on her behalf so that she can grow as an editor. Thank you for your review and yes, the VHS horror series was a big inspiration.
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I apologize for not responding sooner, I'm embarrassed to say I just saw this. I'll gladly mention several instances, though if you'd like to do it privately I'm all for it. Otherwise give me a couple of days and I'll come back to this.
So, I managed to go through the first 24 pages of the Smashwords file, and then gave up. Things get worse further on. Here you go:TYPO: We identified another teenager that was in the video as one, Seth Mitchels
TYPO: “Police!. If anyone is in
TYPO: but judging by the blood on the floor and dripping from their covered face. It was clear
GRAMMAR OF "WHETHER": Really, that’s your concern? Not whether he lives or dies, but whether or not we can communicate with him for a deposition?
WRONG WORD ("RELENTED"): I hung up the phone and relented the fact that he was my superior
GRAMMAR: several cases of "That/which" confusion
GRAMMAR: missing "of" in "think"
TYPO: at the mothers severed head
TYPO ("WAS" SHOULD BE DELETED): Apparently, the prospect of a serial killer in the area was, as the lab tech put it, made her “giddy”
TYPO: So seeing that all the first things that should be examined, can’t be examined. I’m gonna be stuck
TYPO: The lieutenant . wasn’t going
MESSY SYNTAX/GRAMMAR: As I was typing up the request for the evidence, the officer that I had told to take the dog we found in the closet after discovering the kid, to the shelter came back into the office, but he was all clawed and bit up with a thousand yard stare in his eye. Like he had seen something terrifying and couldn’t snap out of it while getting hit by a car.
MESSY SYNTAX: I was staring at the officer who I had just seen
decorate the walls with his brains, was now sitting there perfectly fine as
TYPO: it gets any worse” “No prob, boss
TYPO: its taken my kids
TYPO: involved in other areas disappearances
TYPO: family.” she said the
TYPO: ‘Click, the next
MESSY SYNTAX: the next video booting up the media player again, it seemed like even the computer was trying to keep a secret. Ms. Milninski’s face again was covering the lens until she was sitting down again.
TYPO: Ow, shit, Did I get
And so on and so forth. The last third of the book is practically unreadable because of so many mistakes. Hope that helps.
