Melanin’s review of The System Arrives: Path of the Forerunner > Likes and Comments
1 like · Like
Thank you for the feedback, yes I mean that. As a new writer it's one of the ways I can get better. And you have some valid points. However I am confused by the repeat paragraphs, not sure what that means so I cannot look into how to improve that. Would you be willing to expand? Thank you in advance.
There were a couple places in the book where the character did something, then did it again because of repeated paragraphs. I simply wrote it off as a mistake in editing, and moved on, but it was mildly irritating, so I can see why they pointed it out.
Hey, I'm jumping in to add details for the author's question. The first time the repetition really bothered me was the end of Ch 14. MC gets a level up, chides himself for a poor performance, heals himself from the fight, gets a chest, examines the loot, and completes a quest.
Then Ch 15 starts and he chides himself for a poor performance, heals himself from the fight, and examines his loot.
It's feels like a "previously on" segment in some TV show and was confusing at first. Why's he so sore after he just healed himself? Wait - didn't he just heal himself? Where did the chest go? Oh...this must be an editing error.
Good luck with the story! I'm still reading the book.
back to top
date
newest »
newest »
message 1:
by
Terry
(new)
May 02, 2025 05:52PM
Thank you for the feedback, yes I mean that. As a new writer it's one of the ways I can get better. And you have some valid points. However I am confused by the repeat paragraphs, not sure what that means so I cannot look into how to improve that. Would you be willing to expand? Thank you in advance.
reply
|
flag
There were a couple places in the book where the character did something, then did it again because of repeated paragraphs. I simply wrote it off as a mistake in editing, and moved on, but it was mildly irritating, so I can see why they pointed it out.
Hey, I'm jumping in to add details for the author's question. The first time the repetition really bothered me was the end of Ch 14. MC gets a level up, chides himself for a poor performance, heals himself from the fight, gets a chest, examines the loot, and completes a quest.Then Ch 15 starts and he chides himself for a poor performance, heals himself from the fight, and examines his loot.
It's feels like a "previously on" segment in some TV show and was confusing at first. Why's he so sore after he just healed himself? Wait - didn't he just heal himself? Where did the chest go? Oh...this must be an editing error.
Good luck with the story! I'm still reading the book.
