Manny’s review of Breaking Dawn (The Twilight Saga, #4) > Likes and Comments

Jacob hears about the ghastly events, and deduces what has happened. Edward has violated the terms of the werewolf/vampire treaty, and Jacob is also consumed by rage and jealousy. He summons the werewolf pack, and they attack the Cullen residence in force. Bella has realised, too late, that he will do this. She hastens to Forks, but arrives when the battle is already in full swing. Sam kills Carlisle and Esme, before himself being killed by Jasper. Edward and Jacob kill each other in single combat. Bella looks on, horrified and grief-stricken, but is powerless to intervene.

I would pay OBSCENE amounts of money to see that scene in a movie.

Hahahah! I love this version of Hamlet.

I would pay OBSCENE amounts of money to see that scene in a movie.

Maybe it could go in the Director's Cut?

I love this version of Hamlet.

Thank you! Jordan, who's my consultant on all things vampire, expressed her doubts... I was wondering if I should have removed it, but now I feel reassured :)

Manny, this is some of your finest work!!

I'm pretty sure I will skip the whole series. This post from facebookfails cracked me up this morning, but I still like the new ending to Hamlet much better.

Thank you, Oriana and M!

I'm now a few chapters into it... until we reach the wedding, it's hardly different from my suggested treatment. Maybe she just chickened out?

Manny, I appreciate the part about Bella killing her mother. That's priceless. While your information is correct and the series does have a happy ending, I don't think you'll find it quite as boring as you may be imagining.

Oh, to be honest I'm quite enjoying it!

But I do find it terribly illogical, and I can't help wondering whether Bella's not being even more unreliable than usual as a narrator. She doesn't tell us anything about the sex, except that it left bruises all over her, and normally we get to hear about every detail of her day. And the vampire science makes no sense whatsoever. They're lying to her. It's obvious.

Yes, ugh that part was tiresome. To make us wait three books for sex and then get no details is enough to make you want to give up. Here again I think we're seeing the author trying to keep it very PG, though.

Oh, I think it's just Bella's usual state of denial. She's spent ages convincing herself that the sex will be fantastic, so she simply isn't able to remember anything about it when it finally does happen. You can see how horrified Edward is. I'm trying my best to imagine what sex with a sparkly vampire would be like, assuming you were human, and I agree, it's not pretty.

Hahaha! Loved the re-write of Hamlet. You just may be on to something there. I think this review tops even Little prince

Man, I wish Stephenie Meyer had you to tell her how to wrap up a story. I didn't like much of anything about these books, but the stupid happy ending was perhaps the worst part. Your treatment makes so much more sense!

Mawhaaa! I got another tag to my name! Yes, everyone blame me for the rants of Manny! It's even my fault Manny even found GR! ; ) No, really it is.

Manny loved this finished review. I also have had a blast with our conversation over this series. Let's be honest we have spent too much time talking about it! ; ) I am glad I could help with you finishing your review.

What shall we obsess with next?!

There's always the movies these books are based on!

Mr. Manny...you have out-done yourself! Bravo! Only I do have a small quibble. You said:

"Try as I will, I find it difficult to imagine how a human woman could ever enjoy sex with a cold, robot-like vampire."

Sweetie...women have evolved to expect this. It is completely believable to me!

Seriously though, I think you are a terrific writer and I'm looking for a good block of time where I can sit at the computer and read everything you've written. You are not only good...you are prolific!

Thanks guys for all the kind remarks. As I'm sure you can tell, I had so much fun reviewing this series!

I almost feel tempted to try my hand at retelling some of the story, Midnight Sun style. Though I'm not so interested in Edward's viewpoint; I'm more curious about what Carlisle has been doing. The more I consider it, the more convinced I am that Bella and Renesmee are the end-product of a very carefully planned operation.

The thing I find hardest to explain is his absence at the birth. Was he just overwhelmed by feelings of guilt, or is it part of the plan? I can't help thinking that there's some vital clue here, right under our noses!

Good idea Manny! You could call it BREAKING WIND!

From Randall Munroe:

Holy shit, this comic is brilliant.

I'm pleased I read the book; otherwise I would have never found your review or the comments, and they're awesome! ; )

Thanks Karen! You make it all seem worthwhile :)

Loved your Hamlet parody.

Great review. I didn't mind the sappy ending and I kind of liked the freakiness of the birth scene. Vampires and werewolves are supposed to be a bit freaky.

But your version was interesting too but it would have been so SAD. We'd drown in fan girl tears. Not fun.

Cory and Synesthesia, thank you for the kind words!

your version was interesting too but it would have been so SAD. We'd drown in fan girl tears.

Well... maybe I went a little too far. But I'm sure she could have made it a lot darker without losing her audience. As I said, it started off very creepy and menacing, and then suddenly she goes and pours in a quarter of a ton of sugar. I can't believe she really had to do that...

I laughed hysterically and loved both versions of your recap. BD was not my favorite in the series, although it did have a lot of surprises in store. A big fight scene with at least one death would have been more realistic. I did like Bella's newfound strength and abilities. :)

Thank you Lavender!

This review just goes to show that overanalsying, and taking things too seriously can be very productive and entertaining. Thanks.

I felt that most people hadn't done the necessary work. References to Shakespeare and Molière and a equation seemed like the bare minimum. I'm hoping the professional lit-crit people will now get on board and show us how it really should be done.

I respect that you gave this the scientific process to read it. I was on a holiday and finished my book early and went on to read this. Which my wife had with her. Then leaning in I read the others too. lol.

Thank you Andrew. Millions of people don't respect Stephenie Meyer, but I do. I see you feel the same way. If we just work methodically and make our voices heard, in the end they will listen.

Twilight was the series I needed to get me through the Lord of the Rings.

After careful Bayesian analysis of your review corpus ( n=>>>> ) , using RLC ( Rayner Literary Cohérence ) , I have concluded with 97,3% confidence that any fule could say that your imagination exceeds the standard deviation of GR by at least 2,7 Poisson units. The probability that you've read the book in question is approximately
O,618 ( golden ratio ), but the probability that you've understood it better than the author is a solid 1.0.
But deep in my heart I suspect an AIOS ( Acute Intertextual Overdrive Syndrome ). In which the patient involuntarily rewrites YA fiction as Elizabethan tragedy. In fact, your review may be the only known case where
Edward + Jacob < Yorick.

Stephanie Meyer doesn't need to understand her books. I'm sure she'd be far less successful if she did.

This reminds me of an old Sharon Stone story. Her director wanted her to do a scene differently, but La Stone was having none of it. The director tried to explain it in different ways, and in the end Stone lost her patience and yelled "That's not the way I work! I act with my cunt!"

The director yelled back "Well, it's a shame you don't have Meryl Streep's cunt!"

Well, Douglas would have agree totally. Even Freud. After all, is all about basic instincts.

If you're unclear about basic instincts, you could ask Finley. It may seem hard to believe, but I think he knows more than you do.

Wow. This sounds very... dramatic.