Michele’s review of Strangers: A Memoir of Marriage > Likes and Comments
403 likes · Like
Your jealousy is apparent. I grew up poor too, but my father was like her ex-left with no explanation. So I feel a kinship with her. The wealth isn’t the point.
There is one point where she talks about hiring an inexperienced nanny for her first child, Finn. She adds that the nanny also has a child her son’s same age. She never mentions who is caring for that women’s child as she shares how busy the nanny is with all the many things to do including bedtime routines. I wondered on a sticky note: who is putting the nanny’s baby to bed?? I have so many sticky notes. . It was enthralling in a can’t look away, way. Rich people. A world I can’t comprehend. Private beaches. Trips back and forth. The casual groceries buying when at that time I remember the many people going without. Worried about paying hills and rent. Hiked up in small spaces. Far away from nature. Everything she can’t see. I grieved for her, truly. But I also felt a resentment that made me uncomfortable. I’m still processing this book and the perspective by which it will
Choose to analyze.
I think she does acknowledge her privilege and wealth, and states she knows she is nonetheless “lucky”; that she still is emotionally devastated can occur rather same time .
People are people. Feelings are feelings. There isn't one single life journey that entitles you to experience "true pain".
Does her financial status negate the fact that you can endure a loss of love and marriage and still have feelings? She does acknowledge her privilege (maybe not to exact details you are wanting), but she does address the luxury of having everything she ever wanted/needed, but still losing what she felt was most important and never anticipating that was/would be her life. Two things can be true at the same time. She’s still a human sharing a loss that many can relate to. Sure she was given more than many would/do have even despite a divorce. I feel she’s saying “money aside I still lost what was most important and it still hurt.”
I alternated from being fascinated by her rich lifestyle and house on Nantucket to honestly understanding her heartbreak at what happened to end that dream
I find this review way off. Multiple times she discussed that while extremely privileged the loss of her marriage was shocking and devastating.
they’re booing you but you’re sooooo right.
Belle spoke about her privilege many times in the book. She acknowledged how lucky she was to have money and support and two homes to escape to, despite the threat of losing it all. She included a conversation with her therapist about how many people have it a lot worse than her. I get not feeling sympathetic towards the uber-wealthy, but this is a story of how having money and stability can't always protect you from trauma and pain. And it's okay to recognize that.
Why does she need to apologize for a circumstance she was born into. And you seem to have missed the point of the book. But whatever. You're entitled to your opinion.
I did like the book. I wanted to not like your review, but by the end of it I knew everything you said was right. And it’s not “jealousy” to acknowledge the truth of privilege.
Review is inaccurate as others have stated but social status does not negate the core of the story.
Michele is spot on with her description of Belle’s gob smacking privilege. So what if Belle occasionally mentions a tad of understanding of her silver spooned existence? To me she comes across as clueless and OVERprivileged. What normal woman would have put up with James’ weirdness to begin with? Yes, she was brainwashed from birth to put up with, excuse and marry a cold fish. But, does that make her a Saint or just dumb?
Money has nothing to do with heartbreak. Don't act like having a lot of money in your bank account would disallow you from having human emotions or experiencing heartache, shock, sadness.
The more I read the less sympathetic I become. This supposedly shy, slightly awkward, socially uncomfortable person seems to have friends coming out the wazoo. Is she ever alone to reflect on her consummate stupidity, naïveté and sickening dependency? Who with even half a brain agrees to the kind of prenup that she did? Who prides herself on buying broken pool toys galore and lining up the dozens of Birkenstocks of overly privileged, bratty kids? Cry me a River!
Birkenstocks
As much as I see your point (I have the habit of stumbling upon memoirs of the ultra-wealthy more often than I would like) I think she has the right to tell her story. It probably makes us feel less sympathetic for her, as there was probably much less on the line than it would be for most people, but this book is about how she felt, how she was treated and how she made terrible financial choices with all that generational wealth she was born into. I think it has a lot of value as a cautionary tale for women of all tax brackets.
I guess this story would have passed the mustard if Belle had been middle aged or poor. I don’t think heartache has a class.
Not to mention that the babysitter/nanny she hired to help look after their 2-month old, also has a 2-month old baby of her own. This was considered serendipitous rather than acknowledging the privilege of being a stay at home parent with hired help, when said hired help has their own baby of the same age. Crazy.
She openly discussed her privilege. This is the only life she knows. While I didn’t find her relatable in many ways, she was honest about her life feelings and personal experiences, which is what I expect from a memoir or biography. She can only write her life from a privileged life, what else could you expect?
Sue wrote: "Your jealousy is apparent. I grew up poor too, but my father was like her ex-left with no explanation. So I feel a kinship with her. The wealth isn’t the point."
Well said.
Debra wrote: "I guess this story would have passed the mustard if Belle had been middle aged or poor. I don’t think heartache has a class."
Exactly and well said. To be so dismissive of her heartbreaking abandonment because she has money and privilege is petty, cruel and unkind.
I listened to it and I assumed some people would have issues with her privilege and I do think that is unfair. Marital heartbreak from abandonment is brutal and painful no matter who you are or how much money you have. From that aspect of it, if you can't have compassion for someone because they are privileged you too are cruel. Money can't mend a broken heart and soul when the love of your life walks out without explanation. I am sure she didn't feel very privileged when she was gutted by him leaving. It's very narrow-minded to take this stance. It's petty, dismissive, and unkind.
I couldn’t agree more. I was actually connecting with the narrator, as I too had left a writing career for a law-firm I didn’t belong, so glad she had found her way back to writing. For me the first shocks were the houses paid for by the trust fund. Then the line “his 12 rolexes” came along and I knew there was no connection to be made between her and me whatsoever. It was also hard to feel bad about the prenup as she was still about to get more money most of us can dream of. In order to stay relatable, some sort of acknowledgment of this had to be included.
I agree. Her story and heartache is valid but I did quickly tire of the brand/location name drops. She did not have to say “5th avenue” every time she mentioned their apartment. Repeated mentions of her privilege did not add to the story. Felt like she lacked some self awareness.
Sounds like sour grapes?
Why is her wealth and privilege being you assessed? Would her story be acceptable if she wasn’t wealthy?
This is her story. You either like the story or not.
I enjoyed it and found it interesting to learn of lives very different from mine.
The wealthy aren’t allowed heartbreak? They can’t express loss and tell their stories? She’s was a middle aged mother in tremendous pain, and she wrote about it with true vulnerability.
This review makes me comfortable with waiting for my library hold instead of purchasing it.
I think two things can be true at the same time, i.e., people could be oblivious insulated and wealthy, and they could also have heartbreak. I found the conspicuous consumption and unawareness of wealth or what things cost, and the privilege so extreme that it was hard to focus on the other part of the story, which is about heartbreak which lots of people face. Of course, if you’re facing heartbreak and you have little kids to support, and there was no child support and you have no income and no trust fund, the grief is compounded.
I agree that it was hard to relate to the story due to the author’s privilege. However, she did mention a few time throughout that she does realize she was luckier than most in her situation.
I agree - I think I wouldn’t have bought the book had I known. It doesn’t bother me that she is mega wealthy but I do feel for many women and men in poverty who dont have connections via nepotism to get a book deal when they face similar trials (while homeless, or with a sick kid, etc)
You're wrong. We need to hear stories of these disgusting men from all walks of life so we can stop meeting excuses for them. I'm grateful that the author was willing to share her story. May her ex rott in his choices.
Why do I feel like this review is AI generated?
Emotional pain and personal loss aren’t invalid just because someone is wealthy. Reducing a story to “privilege” overlooks the very real human impact of betrayal and loss . It’s true that many people facing similar or even bigger challenges don’t have the same access to platforms or opportunities to share their stories, but both can exist. A memoir isn’t a ranking of hardship, it’s one person’s perspective. You can push for more diverse voices without dismissing the ones already being told. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
She literally acknowledges her privilege multiple times throughout the book. She also shares how quickly finances can change via what she went through.
This is a troll. The account has no other books on its shelf and no friends. Henry P. Davis, is that you?
Who cares. It’s not her fault. It’s nice to be able to afford things and your jealousy is clouding your opinion so much that you can’t think straight. The book is about the universal human experience of pain and loss.
I think yours is the best review. It was so unrelatable this book. Yes, a lot of heartbreak but no different to any failing marriage/divorce but her concern with the material aspects like membership of the country club was nauseating! Within several chapters of the book I could see exactly where this was all going, naive is the only way to describe the author.
I think you’ve missed the point of this memoir. The betrayal, loss, humiliation and devastation doesn’t change simply because she is privileged. Burden speaks many times of her personal wealth and acknowledges that the decisions she faced were not ones that would put her and her children on the street without food or shelter. She acknowledges how “smug” she was in her privilege.
The end of her marriage was not made less devastating by her money. I think she is courageous in the sharing of a story that exposes her so completely. I admire her bravery for telling her story.
I agree. She mentions a few times 'i know I'm privileged' but then goes on to whine about ridiculous things. She clearly doesn't understand the scope of her privilege
I don’t think that being rich or living comfortably rests the pain of the rupture. She is a woman, a mom that had to suffer abandonment and loss of her husband and father of her children. If you make it about class, you didn’t understand the book .
Comical how so many people are saying how she acknowledged her privilege. Please… this is such an American pov. Look at the unbelievable privilege she had during Covid. She barely recognises that at all. Her daughter makes these elaborate meals while everyone else is eating canned food. People are working in tiny apts and not getting fresh air, yet she’s taking long walks to the beach. She is so being privileged that she can’t actually see how much she has. The guy is a major jerk and I had a lot of sympathy for her, but the writing was so tone deaf.
This bad review is so good, I almost want to read the book for a laugh. But don’t worry I won’t. Too many books, too little time.
You’ve completely missed the mark on the heart of this book. If you listen to her interviews, she’s actually very aware of her privilege, and she intentionally acknowledges that throughout the book. But privilege doesn’t exempt someone from experiencing pain, betrayal, or emotional devastation.
People experience life relative to the reality they know. Two people from completely different socioeconomic backgrounds can feel the same depth of hurt, even if the external circumstances look very different. Suffering isn’t a competition, and emotional pain isn’t something that has to be “earned” through hardship.
Privilege can shape someone’s opportunities, but it doesn’t make their emotions less real. Emotions are felt, not paid for.
i'm like 45 minutes in and she's used the word "privilege" at least 5 times lol. If all you got out of the entire book was a confirmation of your existing ideas about the wealthy: why bother reading anything? you already know all.
Yes, she’s aware of her privilege, and her hurt is real and valid, regardless of her privilege. I found this to be lacking any real reason why I should have read it. Shitty husbands and divorces happen all the time… this is not special.
I just finished it, and she acknowledged it more than once in her book. The privilege doesn’t take away the pain of betrayal unfortunately
back to top
Your jealousy is apparent. I grew up poor too, but my father was like her ex-left with no explanation. So I feel a kinship with her. The wealth isn’t the point.
There is one point where she talks about hiring an inexperienced nanny for her first child, Finn. She adds that the nanny also has a child her son’s same age. She never mentions who is caring for that women’s child as she shares how busy the nanny is with all the many things to do including bedtime routines. I wondered on a sticky note: who is putting the nanny’s baby to bed?? I have so many sticky notes. . It was enthralling in a can’t look away, way. Rich people. A world I can’t comprehend. Private beaches. Trips back and forth. The casual groceries buying when at that time I remember the many people going without. Worried about paying hills and rent. Hiked up in small spaces. Far away from nature. Everything she can’t see. I grieved for her, truly. But I also felt a resentment that made me uncomfortable. I’m still processing this book and the perspective by which it willChoose to analyze.
I think she does acknowledge her privilege and wealth, and states she knows she is nonetheless “lucky”; that she still is emotionally devastated can occur rather same time .
People are people. Feelings are feelings. There isn't one single life journey that entitles you to experience "true pain".
Does her financial status negate the fact that you can endure a loss of love and marriage and still have feelings? She does acknowledge her privilege (maybe not to exact details you are wanting), but she does address the luxury of having everything she ever wanted/needed, but still losing what she felt was most important and never anticipating that was/would be her life. Two things can be true at the same time. She’s still a human sharing a loss that many can relate to. Sure she was given more than many would/do have even despite a divorce. I feel she’s saying “money aside I still lost what was most important and it still hurt.”
I alternated from being fascinated by her rich lifestyle and house on Nantucket to honestly understanding her heartbreak at what happened to end that dream
I find this review way off. Multiple times she discussed that while extremely privileged the loss of her marriage was shocking and devastating.
they’re booing you but you’re sooooo right.
Belle spoke about her privilege many times in the book. She acknowledged how lucky she was to have money and support and two homes to escape to, despite the threat of losing it all. She included a conversation with her therapist about how many people have it a lot worse than her. I get not feeling sympathetic towards the uber-wealthy, but this is a story of how having money and stability can't always protect you from trauma and pain. And it's okay to recognize that.
Why does she need to apologize for a circumstance she was born into. And you seem to have missed the point of the book. But whatever. You're entitled to your opinion.
I did like the book. I wanted to not like your review, but by the end of it I knew everything you said was right. And it’s not “jealousy” to acknowledge the truth of privilege.
Review is inaccurate as others have stated but social status does not negate the core of the story.
Michele is spot on with her description of Belle’s gob smacking privilege. So what if Belle occasionally mentions a tad of understanding of her silver spooned existence? To me she comes across as clueless and OVERprivileged. What normal woman would have put up with James’ weirdness to begin with? Yes, she was brainwashed from birth to put up with, excuse and marry a cold fish. But, does that make her a Saint or just dumb?
Money has nothing to do with heartbreak. Don't act like having a lot of money in your bank account would disallow you from having human emotions or experiencing heartache, shock, sadness.
The more I read the less sympathetic I become. This supposedly shy, slightly awkward, socially uncomfortable person seems to have friends coming out the wazoo. Is she ever alone to reflect on her consummate stupidity, naïveté and sickening dependency? Who with even half a brain agrees to the kind of prenup that she did? Who prides herself on buying broken pool toys galore and lining up the dozens of Birkenstocks of overly privileged, bratty kids? Cry me a River!Birkenstocks
As much as I see your point (I have the habit of stumbling upon memoirs of the ultra-wealthy more often than I would like) I think she has the right to tell her story. It probably makes us feel less sympathetic for her, as there was probably much less on the line than it would be for most people, but this book is about how she felt, how she was treated and how she made terrible financial choices with all that generational wealth she was born into. I think it has a lot of value as a cautionary tale for women of all tax brackets.
I guess this story would have passed the mustard if Belle had been middle aged or poor. I don’t think heartache has a class.
Not to mention that the babysitter/nanny she hired to help look after their 2-month old, also has a 2-month old baby of her own. This was considered serendipitous rather than acknowledging the privilege of being a stay at home parent with hired help, when said hired help has their own baby of the same age. Crazy.
She openly discussed her privilege. This is the only life she knows. While I didn’t find her relatable in many ways, she was honest about her life feelings and personal experiences, which is what I expect from a memoir or biography. She can only write her life from a privileged life, what else could you expect?
Sue wrote: "Your jealousy is apparent. I grew up poor too, but my father was like her ex-left with no explanation. So I feel a kinship with her. The wealth isn’t the point."Well said.
Debra wrote: "I guess this story would have passed the mustard if Belle had been middle aged or poor. I don’t think heartache has a class."Exactly and well said. To be so dismissive of her heartbreaking abandonment because she has money and privilege is petty, cruel and unkind.
I listened to it and I assumed some people would have issues with her privilege and I do think that is unfair. Marital heartbreak from abandonment is brutal and painful no matter who you are or how much money you have. From that aspect of it, if you can't have compassion for someone because they are privileged you too are cruel. Money can't mend a broken heart and soul when the love of your life walks out without explanation. I am sure she didn't feel very privileged when she was gutted by him leaving. It's very narrow-minded to take this stance. It's petty, dismissive, and unkind.
I couldn’t agree more. I was actually connecting with the narrator, as I too had left a writing career for a law-firm I didn’t belong, so glad she had found her way back to writing. For me the first shocks were the houses paid for by the trust fund. Then the line “his 12 rolexes” came along and I knew there was no connection to be made between her and me whatsoever. It was also hard to feel bad about the prenup as she was still about to get more money most of us can dream of. In order to stay relatable, some sort of acknowledgment of this had to be included.
I agree. Her story and heartache is valid but I did quickly tire of the brand/location name drops. She did not have to say “5th avenue” every time she mentioned their apartment. Repeated mentions of her privilege did not add to the story. Felt like she lacked some self awareness.
Sounds like sour grapes? Why is her wealth and privilege being you assessed? Would her story be acceptable if she wasn’t wealthy?
This is her story. You either like the story or not.
I enjoyed it and found it interesting to learn of lives very different from mine.
The wealthy aren’t allowed heartbreak? They can’t express loss and tell their stories? She’s was a middle aged mother in tremendous pain, and she wrote about it with true vulnerability.
This review makes me comfortable with waiting for my library hold instead of purchasing it.
I think two things can be true at the same time, i.e., people could be oblivious insulated and wealthy, and they could also have heartbreak. I found the conspicuous consumption and unawareness of wealth or what things cost, and the privilege so extreme that it was hard to focus on the other part of the story, which is about heartbreak which lots of people face. Of course, if you’re facing heartbreak and you have little kids to support, and there was no child support and you have no income and no trust fund, the grief is compounded.
I agree that it was hard to relate to the story due to the author’s privilege. However, she did mention a few time throughout that she does realize she was luckier than most in her situation.
I agree - I think I wouldn’t have bought the book had I known. It doesn’t bother me that she is mega wealthy but I do feel for many women and men in poverty who dont have connections via nepotism to get a book deal when they face similar trials (while homeless, or with a sick kid, etc)
You're wrong. We need to hear stories of these disgusting men from all walks of life so we can stop meeting excuses for them. I'm grateful that the author was willing to share her story. May her ex rott in his choices.
Why do I feel like this review is AI generated?
Emotional pain and personal loss aren’t invalid just because someone is wealthy. Reducing a story to “privilege” overlooks the very real human impact of betrayal and loss . It’s true that many people facing similar or even bigger challenges don’t have the same access to platforms or opportunities to share their stories, but both can exist. A memoir isn’t a ranking of hardship, it’s one person’s perspective. You can push for more diverse voices without dismissing the ones already being told. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
She literally acknowledges her privilege multiple times throughout the book. She also shares how quickly finances can change via what she went through.
This is a troll. The account has no other books on its shelf and no friends. Henry P. Davis, is that you?
Who cares. It’s not her fault. It’s nice to be able to afford things and your jealousy is clouding your opinion so much that you can’t think straight. The book is about the universal human experience of pain and loss.
I think yours is the best review. It was so unrelatable this book. Yes, a lot of heartbreak but no different to any failing marriage/divorce but her concern with the material aspects like membership of the country club was nauseating! Within several chapters of the book I could see exactly where this was all going, naive is the only way to describe the author.
I think you’ve missed the point of this memoir. The betrayal, loss, humiliation and devastation doesn’t change simply because she is privileged. Burden speaks many times of her personal wealth and acknowledges that the decisions she faced were not ones that would put her and her children on the street without food or shelter. She acknowledges how “smug” she was in her privilege. The end of her marriage was not made less devastating by her money. I think she is courageous in the sharing of a story that exposes her so completely. I admire her bravery for telling her story.
I agree. She mentions a few times 'i know I'm privileged' but then goes on to whine about ridiculous things. She clearly doesn't understand the scope of her privilege
I don’t think that being rich or living comfortably rests the pain of the rupture. She is a woman, a mom that had to suffer abandonment and loss of her husband and father of her children. If you make it about class, you didn’t understand the book .
Comical how so many people are saying how she acknowledged her privilege. Please… this is such an American pov. Look at the unbelievable privilege she had during Covid. She barely recognises that at all. Her daughter makes these elaborate meals while everyone else is eating canned food. People are working in tiny apts and not getting fresh air, yet she’s taking long walks to the beach. She is so being privileged that she can’t actually see how much she has. The guy is a major jerk and I had a lot of sympathy for her, but the writing was so tone deaf.
This bad review is so good, I almost want to read the book for a laugh. But don’t worry I won’t. Too many books, too little time.
You’ve completely missed the mark on the heart of this book. If you listen to her interviews, she’s actually very aware of her privilege, and she intentionally acknowledges that throughout the book. But privilege doesn’t exempt someone from experiencing pain, betrayal, or emotional devastation.People experience life relative to the reality they know. Two people from completely different socioeconomic backgrounds can feel the same depth of hurt, even if the external circumstances look very different. Suffering isn’t a competition, and emotional pain isn’t something that has to be “earned” through hardship.
Privilege can shape someone’s opportunities, but it doesn’t make their emotions less real. Emotions are felt, not paid for.
i'm like 45 minutes in and she's used the word "privilege" at least 5 times lol. If all you got out of the entire book was a confirmation of your existing ideas about the wealthy: why bother reading anything? you already know all.
Yes, she’s aware of her privilege, and her hurt is real and valid, regardless of her privilege. I found this to be lacking any real reason why I should have read it. Shitty husbands and divorces happen all the time… this is not special.
I just finished it, and she acknowledged it more than once in her book. The privilege doesn’t take away the pain of betrayal unfortunately
I am sorry her husband left her after 20 years. But this is the story of many, without the extra cash flow coming in all the time. If she says - and I had to do it all alone - one more time, I am going to scream myself. Women have been left with their children by their husbands for decades. But most of those women have to go to work to try and bring home the bacon.
I’m sure you have to be part of her circle to understand this because some of the toughest women I know have been single parents with no alimony or child support.
To me she sounds like a whiny, entitled wasp.