Dear Adrienna, thank you for sharing your experience and your thoughts about Narcissistic Mothers. I really appreciate your feedback, but I have to mention that 4-star ratings affect the book's visibility on Amazon, since only 5-star reviews help it perform better in the algorithm. Regarding what you've described, I recommend reading Narcissistic Mothers a second or even a third time, especially Chapters 3 and 4. Breaking free from your mother's negative influence takes time because you need to develop enough emotional distance. Part of that work involves recognizing the wounded parts of yourself that are still stuck in childhood because of the trauma you suffered and helping those parts grow into the adult you are today. Once those parts begin to grow, they won't believe your mother's words anymore, and you will no longer feel guilty or like you're not enough. Instead of experiencing her as someone who still has power over you, you will see her as an immature, delusional, and sick person. That’s who she is. You may even reach a point where you can feel compassion for her without excusing her behavior. That's when her words and behavior lose their power over you. She will keep behaving the same way, but it won't affect you anymore. Forgiveness will be the final result of your healing journey. It cannot be a starting point, because starting there would be dysfunctional forgiveness. It's crucial to distinguish between dysfunctional and healthy forgiveness. Healthy forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting or condoning the behavior. I hope I've been helpful, and I wish you all the best. Caroline
Regarding what you've described, I recommend reading Narcissistic Mothers a second or even a third time, especially Chapters 3 and 4. Breaking free from your mother's negative influence takes time because you need to develop enough emotional distance.
Part of that work involves recognizing the wounded parts of yourself that are still stuck in childhood because of the trauma you suffered and helping those parts grow into the adult you are today. Once those parts begin to grow, they won't believe your mother's words anymore, and you will no longer feel guilty or like you're not enough. Instead of experiencing her as someone who still has power over you, you will see her as an immature, delusional, and sick person. That’s who she is.
You may even reach a point where you can feel compassion for her without excusing her behavior. That's when her words and behavior lose their power over you. She will keep behaving the same way, but it won't affect you anymore.
Forgiveness will be the final result of your healing journey. It cannot be a starting point, because starting there would be dysfunctional forgiveness. It's crucial to distinguish between dysfunctional and healthy forgiveness. Healthy forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting or condoning the behavior.
I hope I've been helpful, and I wish you all the best.
Caroline