The Metaframe War 2.0 - ARC Read A Traitor's War > Likes and Comments

ARC Read for A Traitor's War 2nd Edition

Proposed start date: Saturday the 5th September 2026.

Hi Marie, Narilka, Janette, and Brian.

I've sent the ARC ready PDF of A Traitor's War (2nd Edition) to your email inboxes.

Start as you will, and enjoy the read.

Thanks

Cheers Graeme

I am here but I am going to probably be way behind. I did get the email though but sometime middle of the month it is looking for me. I will play catch up though and end up zooming past everyone on that vampire train. lol :)

No problem, Marie.

I always think of Gandalf's line from the Fellowship movie.

But for readers...

"A reader always arrives precisely on time..."

😊

Graeme wrote: "No problem, Marie.

I always think of Gandalf's line from the Fellowship movie.

But for readers...

"A reader always arrives precisely on time..."

😊"

Love Gandalf. :)

Thank you Graeme. I’ll also be reading this mid to late month. Finishing a couple other reading commitments first.

Janette wrote: "Thank you Graeme. I’ll also be reading this mid to late month. Finishing a couple other reading commitments first."

Awesome. See you then.

Cheers Graeme

Got it downloaded. I should have it on my Kindle tomorrow.

Greame, what are the stats on this one? Number of words & pages now vs previous version?

Narilka wrote: "Greame, what are the stats on this one? Number of words & pages now vs previous version?"

Hi Narilka.

For A Traitor's War (Counting everything including title pages, etc).

Original: 246 pages, 98,346 words

Revised: 267 pages, 97,351 words

11,092 revisions from cover to cover.

Narilka wrote: "Got it downloaded. I should have it on my Kindle tomorrow."

Awesome, Narilka.

Graeme wrote: "Narilka wrote: "Greame, what are the stats on this one? Number of words & pages now vs previous version?"

Hi Narilka.

For A Traitor's War (Counting everything including title pages, etc).

Origin..."

That new paragraph formatting really adds to the page count. Funny how that works out with almost 1000 less words.

And reduced info dumping to, Narilka.

I was a little surprised to discover word count only dropped by less than a 1000 words. I was expecting more.

Still, I'm really enjoying the process. (Chuckle...)

It feels like inheriting an old house, full of dust, cobwebs, with an overgrown garden, and after a bunch of work, the house is revealed in all it's glory.

I'm finding this process deeply satisfying.

Prologue (view spoiler)[I had completely forgotten this. Very impressive that Jean Philippe figured out a way to touch the metaframe and do real magic. (hide spoiler)]

CH 1 (view spoiler)[Does that curse include forcing the generals to tell the truth? Seems like something Crane might have missed heheh Not that with time and Chloe's intellect she couldn't figure out how to always tell the "truth."

"He crossed off the third last task on the A4 pad..." - Should this be "the third from last task"? I think that would make more sense.

"Three, and do it quickly before ..." - I think the "and" is in the wrong place (And three, do it quickly...) or could be removed entirely (Three, do it quickly before...). I personally would go with removing it entirely and the paragraph reads like Chloe making a bulleted list for herself. (hide spoiler)]

The process is paying off. This is a smooth read.

Thanks, Narilka. Glad you're enjoying it.

Regarding Metaframe Sorcery. (view spoiler)[A rare ability that shows up from time to time. (hide spoiler)]

Regarding the Curse. (view spoiler)[Just physical harm. If a general attempts to attack Crane or ask someone else to do it on their behalf, they get smashed by the curse.

Yes. They can lie to Crane, and Crane knows it. (hide spoiler)]

Glitches! (view spoiler)[ Whoops! I used A4... I've been trying to get rid of Australianisms...

All your points are excellent.

Thanks heaps. (hide spoiler)]

Cheers Graeme

Narilka wrote: "..."

Rephrased. (view spoiler)[

Two instances.

“Set Haley, and Wesson – if we can trust her – to rebuilding Shadowstone. Do it quickly, I want Shadowstone back to full strength within three months...

And.

One, find out where the Mirovar force team’s safe house was so she could keep an eye on Anton Slayne. Two, find out the details of the Crane-Kain détente to avoid trouble from that quarter. Three, do it quickly before events got away from her.

(hide spoiler)]

Both fixed.

Thanks, Narilka.

Cheers Graeme

Cool!

CH 2 (view spoiler)["Behind every unquestionable belief is a system of control.” - Wow. That really hit differently this time through given world events.

Training montage...

Cornelius has a flare for the dramatic.

Book page 76: "His breathed steadily." I think you meant "He breathed steadily."

Book page 88: "Slayne breathed quietly, his heartbeat Ramp master slow and steady." I think it should probably be "Slayne breathed quietly, his Ramp master heartbeat slow and steady. " (hide spoiler)]

Thanks, Narilka. Those are great pickups.

If I'm allowed to have my own fav quotes, that's one of them.

I started yesterday so I am about 50% into the story. Really enjoying the smoothness of the story. It seems I am going faster. Lol

Marie wrote: "I started yesterday so I am about 50% into the story. Really enjoying the smoothness of the story. It seems I am going faster. Lol"

Awesome!

CH 3 (view spoiler)[Book page 94: "The scanned their heads.." - "The" should be "They" in this sentence.

Book page 117: "She descended in her personal elevator to the parking garage in the building’s basement and a waiting car ‘owned,’ by another denizen of the tower." - You can get rid of the comma after "owned."

I think it's interesting that Crane didn't see any activity for Chloe's line since she had just decided to interfere in the op. I don't remember how it will play out so this is fun :) (hide spoiler)]

Thanks, Narilka.

Great pickups again.

Yes, your observation is interesting... I'll let you discover more as you read.

About 70% complete. Probably will finish it by the weekend. I am not really seeing any spelling errors but maybe because I am on the vampire bullet train and cruising past all the train stations! lol :)

Awesome, Marie.

Enjoy!

Finally going to begin book 2 later today 😊

Excellent, Janette.

Enjoy!

Random aside. Every time I see Ramin Kain's name I think of ramen noodles lol

CH 4 (view spoiler)[Ok, Chloe definitely had an impact on the outcome of the events. Now why did Crane's precog not show him that? Sure Chloe was disguised but I wouldn't think that would matter to a magic power. Hmm! (hide spoiler)]

Ch 5 (view spoiler)[Ahh, there's the answer. Crane's precog visions aren't all knowing after all. That's interesting. Greame, when you made this up did you take current science on consciousness into account or was that a happy accident? It seems that Crane's expectation of a Red Empire or other agent is impairing his visions of the future.

"Hell would be a place of love and kindness compared to the fate he would visit on any who had betrayed him." - Such a great line! (hide spoiler)]

Narilka wrote: "Random aside. Every time I see Ramin Kain's name I think of ramen noodles lol..."

Yes. Ramin Kain is named after Ramen noodles.

Literally, and right from the start.

Re Crane's precog/previsionary powers.

(view spoiler)[When I devised the power, I built a flaw into it right from the start.

A broad, completely capable 'I can always see the future' power is like giving a character nuclear weapons they can use with impunity.*

It has a flaw, hinted at in this book.

The full reveal comes later in the series.

*That said, it's still a strong power and fits his character trait of 'mastering information.'

As it turns out, I only added this power after A Subtle Agency has already been published and I was writing A Traitor's War. All based on reader feedback on Crane, that the reader didn't find Crane's rulership believable...

Hence the additional power... which actually has proved to be a real narrative asset across the series.
(hide spoiler)]

Chloe's trickery is working...

Graeme wrote: "Narilka wrote: "Random aside. Every time I see Ramin Kain's name I think of ramen noodles lol..."

Yes. Ramin Kain is named after Ramen noodles.

Literally, and right from the start."

Hilarious lol

Graeme wrote: "Re Crane's precog/previsionary powers..."

That's some great history. It has definitely worked out.

Thanks, Narilka!

Cheers Graeme

The vampire train came to a stop at the train station. lol I did finish the book last night. I enjoyed the smoothness of the story. It just seemed to move faster and cleaner. Great job on revising the book, G! :)

I just hit the 30% mark and completely agree with Marie. Smoother, and easier to keep track of characters and the variety of plot elements. I’d forgotten just how banged up Anton gets right off the bat with the Mirovar team. Haha!

Marie wrote: "The vampire train came to a stop at the train station. lol I did finish the book last night. I enjoyed the smoothness of the story. It just seemed to move faster and cleaner. Great job on revising ..."

Thanks, Marie.

Much appreciated.

Thrilled you loved it.

Cheers Graeme

Janette wrote: "I just hit the 30% mark and completely agree with Marie. Smoother, and easier to keep track of characters and the variety of plot elements. I’d forgotten just how banged up Anton gets right off the..."

Thanks, Janette.

I'm curious to see how the rest of it goes for you.

Much appreciated.

Cheers Graeme

Ch 7 (view spoiler)[Book page 216: "A battlefield where Li Wu would die and she’d push Anton Slayne toward his inevitable confrontation with Crane.

A hot shiver ran over her skin. Everything remained at risk. As it must to achieve great things.

If Anton or Li died tonight, it would be disappointing, but she had time to plan anew." - If Chloe is planning for Li to die tonight as a motivation for Anton, why is it disappointing if she dies?

You know, at this point I do not like the Order very much. They decide to "test" Anton in a pretty brutal fashion, drugging him and making him believe he's killed everyone he cares about just to see how he responds, and now this bogus inquisition for Li, where she's also drugged though the drug is having an interesting side effect. Thankfully the vampires attack lol (hide spoiler)]

Hi Narilka,

Re, Ch 7.

(view spoiler)['Soon she would have Kain; forcing the Mirovar force team to follow after him to a battlefield of her choosing.

A battlefield where Li Wu would die and she’d push Anton Slayne toward his inevitable confrontation with Crane.'

If Li dies early ... in this battle, then Anton is likely to blame/fixate upon the Red Empire...

Instead, the plan plays out in 'The Dragon's Den,' where Kain is bait to draw the Mirovar team and Anton & Li to Armitage Manor and the dungeons underneath.
(hide spoiler)]

I'll add a slight clarification.

Thanks heaps, Narilka.

Re, the Order.

Dang it! Institutional corruption is everywhere!

Fixed.

(view spoiler)[
A familiar pre-battle excitement began to build within her. She looked toward the distant safe house farm. Soon she would have Kain; forcing the Mirovar force team to follow after him to a battlefield of her choosing.
A battlefield where Li Wu would die and she’d push Anton Slayne toward his inevitable confrontation with Crane.
A hot shiver ran over her skin. Everything remained at risk. As it must to achieve great things.
If Li died tonight, Anton would likely fixate on the Red Empire instead of Crane as the great enemy of his life.
She rubbed her thumbs across her fingers as if Anton’s soul slipped through them.
That’d be catastrophic.
She flicked her fingers wide, took a deep breath and let it out.
But I have time.
I always have time.
My destiny remains inevitable.
(hide spoiler)]

I like it.

Narilka wrote: "I like it."

Cheers.

Hi All,

I have new draft covers to survey and get feedback on.

These cover books 1 to 7, and the Omnibus.

It's a web page hosted by ChatGPT with survey features. To use it, you have to log into it.

I just used my gmail account, and that worked fine. I.e. I provided my email address, then logged in with my email account password.

The site itself asks questions with a 1 to 5 score, and has a text window for written feedback. In both cases, there's a button to save the survey scores or text feedback respectively.

LINK: https://metaframe-cover-room.huw-jone...

Any help is very much appreciated, and allows you to help shape the look of the series.

Thanks

Cheers Graeme

Ch 8 (view spoiler)[Book page 228: "The ‘dumb,’ grenade..." - you can remove the comma after dumb.

"Good Sam, loyal Sam, Sam would save him." - Just gave me Lord of the Rings vibes in the middle of a fight lol (hide spoiler)]

Ch 9 (view spoiler)[Book page 249: "She’s want’s Kain for information..." - Both apostrophes can go as neither is possessive in this case and I think it should be "She" instead of "shes" for that sentence. (hide spoiler)]

Epilogue (view spoiler)[A ha! We finally have the TRUE story behind the death of Hitler!! Fantastic :D (hide spoiler)]

Hi Narilka, thanks for the glitch catches. I keep a little library of typical things to look out for, and I've just added the 'comma single quote' to it.

I'll search the whole series for that one.

Re, 'Good Sam,' ... me too.

I couldn't resist.

The epilogue was fun to write ... and ties back in much later in the series.

Animated the new OMNIBUS cover.

Open the link in a new tab (public link) and unmute the video.

https://grok.com/imagine/post/1551d9e...