Milo’s Comments (group member since Dec 03, 2019)

Milo’s comments from the fyevibesperiod6 group.

1. So far, I still love this book. I'm only 45 pages in, and I have a lot of reading to do, but it has already been very interesting. One of the passages that encompasses the book well is in a section about compassion. "Compassion practice is daring. It involves learning to relax and allow ourselves to move gently toward what scares us. The trick to doing this is to stay with emotional distress without tightening into aversion, to let fear soften us rather than harden us into resistance." It explains how we have to let ourselves be vulnerable in order to feel compassion and empathy.

2. Self-Management: In chapter 2, there was a section on how humans will sometimes forget their self management, and push their own experiences onto others. We sometimes forget that other people can do things themselves.
Self-Awareness: In the portion of the book that includes examples of shame from different women's lives, they were all mostly aware of that they did in the situation. The woman who was ashamed of her son was aware of how horribly their family was treating him.
Social-Awareness: There was another story about a woman who's mother hung herself, and the people in her community were not aware of the effects that their reactions were having on her, or her family. They were only focused on the story, and not the people involved.
Relationship Management: During the chapter on shame, It explains how our relationship management is a large part of how we feel shame. If we manage our connections badly, it is more likely that we will feel shame.

3. Anyone who blames themselves for situations, or feels like they deserve punishment for something. And, anyone who is looking to improve on handling how they deal with shame.

4. So far, the three main lessons i have learned are:
a. shame, guilt, humiliation, and embarrassment are all different, and connect to different scenarios. They're used interchangeably, but shouldn't be.
b. Power is not the ability to control others, rather the ability to act or produce an effect.
c. True compassion can be learned, and practiced, and it goes hand in hand with empathy.

a. So far, I do actually like this book. It gives interesting information in a new way, and it's written in a way that is easy for me to understand and process.
b. One passage that i liked in particular is the one defining shame. "Shame is an emotion that we have all felt, yet when we try to describe it, when we try to make it accessible for other people to understand, we struggle to find the words. Even when we find the words, it is rare that people will want to listen." It really hit me hard, because I feel as if it is something that myself, and others can definitely relate to.
c. For me, it's trying to get through the examples that are given in the book. Because of the nature of shame, the examples given make me feel for those who wrote them. It is hard because I empathize with them.
d. There is an example where a woman is describing her son, and it shows how she doesn't have much relationship management. "... I don't know what I did, I don't know why this is happening and I'm so ashamed of how we treat him. It's the hardest thing, I think, in our family right now." She is aware of how the family is treating her son, but she is ignoring it, and therefor managing it in a bad way.

One of the first things I would like to achieve by reading this book is to try and help improve my connections with people that I know, and generate new ones. I would also like to know how to be more self aware, and aware of others. Finally, I would like to practice reaching out to others, without feeling shameful.