Klea’s Comments (group member since Oct 12, 2024)

Klea’s comments from the where dreams become true group.

july 13<3

{CHAPTER 1}
Have you ever felt like everything has been turned against you and whatever you try to do will never be enough? The world is wide and giant but sometimes it feels so small and the air so thick you don't think you will ever be able to breath properly again. I cant seem to shake this old feeling off even as i come across it everyday. It's laughable really. One might think i could have gotten used to this but in reality all i want is for this feeling to go. I don't want to feel because nothing good comes after and explosion of emotions. Every room smells like mold and impurity and every time i look up at the ceiling i can only picture one thing, even when i close my eyes. especially when i close my eyes. But i always have to remind myself that it is only in my head.
Climbing the last stairs I reached out to open the metal door that leads to the terrace of my apartment. I tried to look up but the sun was still so bright that i had to cover my eyes with my arm as i got used to it and than looked around at the view that always took my breath away. The only reason i would want a new day to being was so i could see the shift of the colors the sky took in just minutes and the warm blanket that the sunlight wrapped on the top of the mauntine way ahead of me. Taking my jacket off i decided to sit on the edge of the handrail and leaned my head back, eyes locked at the sky. No point on looking down anymore. No point in thinking of what's going on with the lives of those mini-looking people i thought once upon a time i knew. I've spend my whole life wondering about all this things and today i realized, im tired. Im tired and i cant seem to feel peace even when i rest, even when i sleep. The nightmares always haunt me, sleep seems to mock and even at day the ghosts of the night wait for me in the shadows. No matter how many times i replay my life journey, i still find nothing useful to give and contribute like most of the other 21 years old do. It's not that i dont like doing anything...its the fear that im not the right person for that right job. I chuckle. Well quiting my only job a week ago will make me think like this, but i did so i could..."find myself" as they say it, but that lead me here all together.
The wind became a little stronger now and i breathed in deep the smell of the nature that surrounded my little village. Nothing much to remember anyway. The curls of my hair started to get tangled with each other as the wind became a bit wilder by the minute, so i got up and when i looked at my wristwatch it showed me i only had a few hours before this day was over. I sighed...the day i was born. And even up to this day i can hear my mom whispering to me in her soft tone when i was in front of a little home made cake:
_"Every time you make a wish there is always something or someone given the job of looking after you that will send that wish as a message to the stars who'll hear it."_
I snort. As a child this things seemed so easy to believe. But so hard to understand that in life you're utterly alone. You don't have angels or spirits or even monsters looking after you and no one to make your most wanted dreams come true. No one in this wild hungry world. But i do it anyway. One last try. One of the millionth i've tried for the past decade. I make a wish.
I feel as if my eyes are being poked with needles but than i realize one single tear is falling out of it. And than more similar tears followed. After that i don't know anything else other than the broken promise of not looking down as i finally step out from the handrail. I close my eyes and feel the strong wind on my cheeks and let myself fall into what i hope is a better present, future or past compared to the hell i had to live in.

July 13th <3