Jeanette’s Comments (group member since Oct 29, 2015)

Jeanette’s comments from the Conversation: Why Do We Write and Read? group.

Haha! Thanks, Mary! I feel a little outclassed here amongst all you professional writers. I definitely wish I had your discipline to write every day.

For as long as I can remember I was creating stories. I never had imaginary friends; I lived in imaginary worlds. Later, in my teens, as I suffered depression, writing and reading became a form of escape. I don't remember much of that time (my mind unintentionally blocked a lot of it out) but I kept almost everything I wrote. It's mostly teenage angst rubbish but it's interesting to note how much of it was stream of consciousness stuff. I rarely write like that anymore. In fact, now that I'm feeling mostly better, I rarely write anymore. I still feel the need to do it every few months or so. It's very cathartic, as if I need to ball up all the vicious, hateful things in me and spit them on a page.

I miss it greatly, though. I often pick up a pen and wait for something to come to me and on to the page. I don't know if it's because that I'm feeling better or if it's the medication that I've lost my muse. When it does come, though, there's a distinct gallows humour to everything I write. I guess that's depression in its peak, though; we try to find laughter in the things that hurt us. I do enjoy writing black humour and my friends and colleagues say I'm disturbingly good at it. Ha! I'm not sure what that says about me. I will admit, though, I get a perverse pleasure from making people squirm with laughter and horror.

But I'll never get past that feeling when I'm writing; that moment when you build up and build up, pushing against the wall of words until it all suddenly breaks through and everything rushes out and your pen can hardly keep up with your mind. It's exhilarating.