Eli’s Comments (group member since Aug 02, 2016)

Eli’s comments from the Creative Collections group.

Tell us a bit about yourself. What you write, what you read. Anything really.

Post a story you have here. You can use a link, or even post it directly if it's short enough. It can be from your collection, or just a one off story you wrote. Either way, share something, and have fun reading what others have written.

You need your work reviewed? Come and post some stuff about your work here. A link and a basic description are a must, but any other info about it couldn't hurt either.

Use this place to ask for comments and critiques on stories you have. They can be an individual, or multiple stories. You can even ask for critiques and advice on other aspects of your collection, such as covers and blurbs and the like.

Remember, keep it civil. Keep it clean. Make critiques and criticisms constructive, and try and be polite. If you're on the receiving end, don't argue. It's all for the sake of being a better writer after all.

What kind of story collection do you have in store for us? Tell us anything and everything you want to.

Okay, this might not be my first, but it's the first here. It's also the first story in my collection, Random Word Stories: Volume 1. Let me know what you think!

***
“I didn’t see anything, I swear. I…I wasn’t even there. Sure I was in the room, but I wasn’t at the door.” said Tom, trying to make himself look as small as possible while backing away into the nearest convenient corner. It was quite a thing to see, as the room was small, and he was not.
“You’re lying to me. I hate it when people lie to me,” said Mr. Thorne. “I know that was you at the door.” The small man moved towards Tom, even as Tom tried to move back by shuffling along the wall, finding the corner insufficient for the task he had intended for it. “You had better tell me what you saw, otherwise I might have to get...creative.”
The word sent shivers down Tom’s spine, somehow having more sinister intent than any other word that might have been more threatening to another’s ear.
“Okay, okay. That was me there, but I didn’t have time to see anything. It was just a quick glance into an open door, that’s all.”
Mr. Thorne said nothing about this. He simply closed his eyes, as if in deep thought. Then a large, wolfish grin started to appear on his sallow face. He opened his eyes and looked at Tom. Tom’s already large eyes got even larger at the implications of the look he was getting. He had heard the stories. Stories like how the seemingly weak, harmless individual in front of him had once sent a man to the hospital with nothing but a water pistol and a balloon. Tom had never figured out how this was done, but he really didn’t want to find out. Sweat started to pour off his body in rivers as Mr. Thorne’s grin got wider, almost comically so.
“I-I heard some loud noises coming from the room. Since the door was open a bit, I just went to shut it, and happened to look in for a second that’s all. I don’t even know what I was looking at, really.”
These words seemed to have an effect on Mr. Thorne’s considerations, as his grin lessened a bit. “Oh, I’m sure you didn’t intend to see anything. But that’s also not what I wanted to know. I want to know exactly what you saw in that second you happened to invade my private life with your all too inquisitive eyes.”
Tom took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts, recalling the sight from the night before, quickly glimpsed through a small gap from a door that wasn’t quite closed. “I saw you and some other guy. I didn’t see who it was though. I don’t even know if it was a guy. All I saw was his hands and feet. You looked over at me as I was shutting the door. That’s all, I swear, that’s really all.”
Suddenly, Mr. Thorne rushed over, grabbed the much larger man by the chin, and pulled their faces closer together. He looked into Tom’s eyes, squinting, as if trying to find something very small or far away.
Tom swallowed the nervous lump in his throat as he waited for the small, rough hands to release him. Mr. Thorne smiled, a much more normal one this time, and let Tom go.
“Alright, I guess I can take your word for it this time.” Tom breathed a sigh of relief as Mr. Thorne turned to go. “However, I’d take care not to look into any more open doors if I were you.”
Mr. Thorne left the small room, firmly shutting the door behind him. Tom wiped the sweat off his forehead, very glad the small man had not asked him what he had heard.