Debbie’s Comments (group member since Aug 08, 2017)

Debbie’s comments from the Beyond The Surface group.

I have recently finished the audiobook for this novel. And even after finishing it a few days ago, I still don’t know how I feel about this book. Again I really liked the fact that it is written in first person, so you are inside someone’s head and get to see there thought process. But the thing that made me feel uncomfortable was the magical realism in this book and I am still not dure if it was real op not.

I just recenter finished this book, but I really enjoyed it. I can’t speak for the accurate representation of OCD, but I was really interested the read it and Mathew’s thoughts.
This was the first time that I read a book with OCD and I really liked the story overall. I liked the character development Mathew went through.

I have already read this book and enjoyed it. I enjoyed the character with Autism the most. I relatief to her the most and I lovend the way she opened up throughout the book.

Tiana wrote: "Debbie wrote: "Hi Tiana, thank you for inviting me, if you hadn't made this group I would have done it. Would it be a good idea to do a readathon grom 2-8 October, because of the MIAW?
And as for ..."

Thank you for considering it. I have been thinking for some challenges, but Mental Health can be very personal so I didn't come up with much. As for challenges I have right now: a group book, a book about a mental illness you haven't read from before.
And I just saw on the NAMI site that it is from 1-7 October instead of 2-8 (sorry I got it wrong). And if you need any help with creating it, just let me know, I would love to help.

Thank you Tiana for sharing your personal story and how you feel buy this topic. I can't imagine what it would be like for your family and his children. But the thing that also scares me is that people can commit suicide.

And with that I would also like to share my story with depression. You don't have to read it, if you don't want to, but I would love to get it of my chest.

*Trigger warning: depression, self-harm and suicidal thoughts*

I have always been someone who is a perfectionist, I want to show people that I am worth their attention and that I won't disappoint them. And that kind of relates to something big that happened when I was still a kid.

When I was 9 years old, my parents got divorced. My father moved 2 hours away from us and we only got to see in once in every 2 weeks. This went well for less than a year. I still remember this so clearly even though it was more than 12 years again. The weekend I would spend over there to celebrate my birthday with my father, he called and said I couldn't come. And that was the last time I saw him. During that time my parents were still going to court because they had to get stuff done for the divorce, and right there in front of the judge, my father declared that he didn't wanted to see me or my siblings anymore. I was ten.
Two year later, it got too much for me and I sought contact with him through a letter. To give him an update on how my life has been, no reply.
When I was 14/15 years I went to therapy to not let the whole situation get to me, than it would prevent me front living on. At the end of the therapy I worked up the courage to send a letter again, with an update on my life. This time I did get a reply, but I wish I had never got one. In the letter my father didn't have a good word for me and he also told me that my grandmother (his mother) passed away, and she didn't want to see us before she would die.
This would probably be the first time I have experience feeling which would come near a depression, only I felt things were going wrong and started therapy again.

This whole situation made me think bad about myself which I still do as of today: I am not worth it, even my father doesn't love me.
Which only makes me want to prove myself more, to others but mostly to myself, that I am worth it.

And last April it all became too much, I was putting too much pressure on myself and I started to feel worse and worse. Then one setback(?) after another came and I broke down.

The same week I went to my general practitioner and I got medication and therapy prescribed. I was also having suicidal thoughts, even though I still wanted to live, I started wondering what the world would be like without me and how I could do it. It scared me so much! And next to that crying wasn't helping so I started scratching myself very hard in order to feel something different than the intense sadness I was constantly feeling and it worked.

Right now I have started therapy and I am doing much better. I can still have days that I feel very sad and sometimes I still do scratch myself, but not as bad as before. And I am not thinking about dying anymore.

If you read all of that, thank you so much for reading and "listening" to me. This has always been a hard topic to talk about, normally I avoid talking about, but things won't get better with avoiding.

If you are in a darker part of your life and you are thinking about suicide. Please talk to someone, your parents, your general practitioner, or call the number in Tiana's post.

Hi Tiana, thank you for inviting me, if you hadn't made this group I would have done it. Would it be a good idea to do a readathon grom 2-8 October, because of the MIAW?
And as for the introduction. Hello everyone, my name is Debbie and I have been wanting to read more mental health books and even more since I have been struggling with my own mental health. And I will be starting with this group from September, because I have planned so many books to read in August and I am on a book buying ban for the rest of August.
I am really looking forward to be reading more books and discuss them.