Cindy’s Comments (group member since Oct 21, 2010)

Cindy’s comments from the Q&A with Cindy Hudson group.

Thanks to all of you who read and commented this month. It's hard to believe November is coming to a close and the Q and A is officially over.

If anyone has more specific questions, I'm happy to answer them. Just send me an email at info@motherdaughterbookclub(dot)com.

Thanks again.

Ellen wrote: "Thanks Cindy for this interesting discussion and good information. We haven't yet joined a new mother daughter book club in our new city, but today I am off to the library with a list of titles fro..."

Ah Ellen, I wish you were still here reading with our club. Our selection this month is A Match Made in High School by Kristin Walker. Now that should make for a good discussion whether it's just the two of you or a full group. It's about a mock marriage where the kids in high school learn about some of the things other than love that make a marriage work. It's funny too.

I know what you mean about missing reading something together. When Catherine and I are between book club selections, I try to read something else with her, because I miss that shared experience for us to talk about. Otherwise, when we talk we're mostly telling each other about what happened during our days, but we're not getting into other life situations.

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you can't find anything meaningful that will help you plan your book club discussion. That's more likely to be the case for older books that are not widely used in classrooms. I found that to be the case when my book club read "West with the Night," a memoir by Beryl Markham, who was the first woman to fly solo from Europe to North America. While not unknown, the book isn't new enough or popular enough to have online resources.

If you run into a similar situation, you can always fall back on a list of general discussion questions that work for most books. Tie that in to a bit of biographical information about the author and you're likely to create an interesting conversation.

While all of the questions below won't work for every book, you may want to check out this list for some that may work with the title you're reading:

Who was your favorite character? What did you appreciate about her?

What does the main character believe in? What is she willing to fight for?

What makes a minor character memorable?

Describe one of your favorite scenes. Why did you like it?

Are any of the events in the book relevant to your own life?

How could the main character acted differently to change any negative events that occurred?

What was your lasting impression of the book? Do you believe you will still remember it a year from now?

What else struck you as good or bad about the book?

Would you recommend this book to a friend?

Do you want to read more works by this author?

Thanks Terry for pointing out that you can get great ideas from looking at teacher's guides too. Those guides are meant to spark meaningful discussion in a group setting.

I also do an Internet search for the terms "discussion guide" plus the name of the book. Searching this way sometimes turns up multiple sources, which means you can see multiple viewpoints about what to discuss. For instance, a search for "Holes discussion guide" turned up questions listed at Scholastic.com, Kidsreads.com, several teacher's guides, and a few libraries, including my own Multnomah County Library here in Portland.

If you're having difficulty finding a discussion guide online, you might ask a teacher, school librarian or public librarian if she's read the book and has ideas for topics to talk about.

Tomorrow I'll close off this monthlong Q and A with a list of generic questions that will work for most books in case your search turns up no suggestions for discussion.

When you're thinking about what questions to ask in your book club discussion, the first place you should always check for ideas is the author's website. Many authors are including discussion questions for their books online. Some are even offering questions specific to mother-daughter book clubs and activities to go along with the book.

It's easy to find out if an author has a website. Just search for her name on the internet, and she has a site, it will usually be one of the first listings in the search results. If you don't find discussion questions, you can look for an author bio that you may want to share at your meeting.

I pulled Sherman Alexie's bio off his website when my book club read The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian. The story is fictionalized autobiography, and we were able to compare some the things we discovered Alexie had gone through in his own life with what he wrote for his character, Arnold. It kept a thread going through our conversation.

You may be tempted to do nothing to plan your book club discussions, thinking that conversation will snowball once you get it started. Besides, we're all busy and it's hard to set aside time to do this.

First I'll address the time issue. In as little as 10 to 20 minutes you can put together the structure for a lively conversation. If you involve your daughter, you get her perspective on what the girls will be interested in and you spend time talking about the book with her.

Second, I believe it's really important to start off with an idea of how you'll direct the conversation. While it's true that your talk may snowball and pick up on its own, you may not cover some of the most important topics raised in the book that way.

Also, when you have discussion questions in mind, you can also keep the conversation from straying too far into unrelated areas. Off topics may be fun, but you can save those for after you're done talking about the book.

In future posts, I'll talk about how you can come up with discussion questions, and how you can encourage everyone to participate. Please ask questions if you want to cover something specific.

I've always found the social interaction part of book club to be a crucial component of a meeting. People usually need to reconnect and warm up with each other before they launch into a discussion about a book.

I've also found that separating the two generations during social time is pretty important. Why? Moms get to talk with other moms about things that are important to them and maybe get advice if they need it. Girls get to talk about school or activities or other friendships that may be on their minds.

Each group, girls and moms, will probably also talk a bit about the book you've read even before you get to the discussion part of your meeting. This is okay too, and it gets everyone remembering details and thinking about points to bring up when you do all come together.

Good point Ellen. A truly great book for discussion will often appeal to many generations and both sexes.

Some of the favorites from my book clubs over the years include:

Boy, where you get to find out where Roald Dahl got inspiration for some of his outrageous characters.

Framed, by Frank Cottrell Boyce, which looks at what can happen to a town when hope for a better life abandons the people who live there and how art can bring inspiration back.

The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian, by Sherman Alexie, which examines what it means to be true to your family while also rising above its problems.

Tangerine, by Edward Bloor, which is about overcoming disability and confronting your tormentors.

The scavenger hunt was one of my favorites, too, and Ellen you did all the work to organize it so you had a lot to do with its success! Here's how it worked for anyone else who wants to try it.

Decide on categories you be including in your scavenger hunt list. We used foods, parks, museums, other entertainment. Then we researched lots of the possibilities around our hometown of Portland to list under each category. Each girl had to participate in activities for two things under each category to complete the hunt. And they had to have at least one other book club girl along with them.

For instance, one day some of the moms took the girls to eat Chinese dim sum at a restaurant and then they all went to one of the parks on the list. They checked two things off the list that day.

There were lots of activities under each category to choose from, and each girl in the club kind of "led" one of the outings, meaning she choose what would be done that day.

At the end of summer, everyone had spent time together and learned more about the area where they lived. The prize for finishing the hunt was a beach weekend we took together a couple of months later.

Some of the best memories each of my daughters have with their book clubs are of the times we connected with authors. There's nothing like hearing the person who wrote the book talk about her work and her perspective on it.

Connecting is easier than it used to be, with many authors willing to email groups or have a conversation through Skype if they can't connect in person.

You can also attend readings at bookstores in your area. We've seen some of our favorite authors this way, including Gennifer Choldenko, Zlata Filipovic, Shannon Hale and Markus Zusak.

If you communicate with the events coordinator at your local bookstore, she may even let you know who's coming in advance, and see if they have time to meet before or after a store event.

Don't forget to check with your local library about visiting authors too.

I know of several clubs who met with authors after reading on the book jacket that the writer lived in the same town. While not all authors have the time to meet in person, it doesn't hurt to ask as long as you understand the answer may be no.

If any of the authors in this group have ideas to add on how clubs can connect, I'd love to hear them.

Another thing to look at with your book club is to stage a performance of some kind with your group. Many girls (some moms too!) naturally like hamming it up for a group. Others may be shier, but they may feel more comfortable performing in front of people they know really well. If not, there are also behind the scenes tasks they can perform.

Here are a few ideas for choosing a performance:
Hold a poetry reading where each of you either reads a poem you wrote or one of your favorite published poems.

Find a short one-act play, such as those in Awesome Plays for Teens and Tweens by Christina Hamlett, assign roles and plan your production.

If you have creative writers in your group, you may want to have them pen an original play based on a scene in the book you read. It doesn't have to be long to highlight something important your group wants to focus on.

Last night my daughter, Catherine, and I met with our book club. We discussed The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo, which was maybe just a bit too philosophical for 16 year olds who have no idea what they want to do with their lives and haven't lived on their own.

But we got together at a local diner that serves hamburgers, hot dogs, shakes and fries. Kids say it's like the diners you see in movies about the 50s. The moms in our group (even though we weren't born in the 50s) remember lots of places looking like this when we were growing up (sigh).

The point is we had a lot of fun even though the girls didn't have much to say about the book we read. After all, our conversation took place with a chocolate shake, burger and fries in front of each of us.

And it gave the moms a chance to talk about the dreams we had when we were in our early 20s and how those dreams morphed over the years to bring us to where we are today. All in all it was a successful meeting even though it won't rate as one of our best.

Food and conversation is a big part of mother-daughter book clubs, and meeting at a venue that jolts you out of a normal routine is fun.

I read recently that you can make an idea stick in your head and remember it better if you involve many senses. If so, book club members who play games or make a book-related craft are sure to remember details of the books they read even more than those who only discuss it.

I know of clubs who create their own games to play during discussion time. They model them on well-known games such as Trivial Pursuit or Jeopardy, and have members answer the questions. It obviously takes a bit more work while preparing for a meeting, but it's also a lot of fun. And if you know that you'll only be hosting once a year or so in your club, the extra work won't be excessive.

I don't consider myself particularly creative when it comes to coming up with activities for book clubs. But I do have a few good ideas, and I've been lucky enough to be in clubs with other creative moms. I've also heard from book clubs around the country who have launch a few crazy elaborate efforts that have been very successful.

In this new topic I'll be highlighting some of those ideas and the things that make book club fun.

I was once asked if being in book clubs had made me more picky about the kinds of things I like to read. The reporter assumed that since I read more than some people I would know pretty quickly the types of books I didn't like to read.

I hadn't thought about the question before, but I was surprised that my answer was just the opposite. My reading tastes have broadened by being in book clubs, both the mother-daughter type and with other adults only.

That's because I often pick up a different viewpoint and a greater appreciation of a book when I hear someone else discuss what they liked about it, regardless of what I thought.

Sometimes I'll go into a book club discussion thinking I really didn't like what we read and I can't imagine what we'll talk about. After book club is over, though, I usually change my opinion for the better.

It seems as though there are so few avenues in life that let us thoughtfully discuss issues in which we have differences of opinion. Book clubs in general go against that trend.

Early on I would have said realistic fiction and historical fiction were the best kinds of books to talk about with a group. Now I know pretty much all genres work. The best discussions come from a good story, no matter what genre that story is told in.

There are lots of ways to choose books for your mother-daughter book club; you just want to be sure everyone in your group agrees on how it will be done.

For some, it's really important to let the girls choose every selection. They find this is the easiest way to make sure the girls will read the book. Of course, not all girls in your group will enjoy reading the same type of books, and you're more likely to have pop culture books recommended by the girls' friends this way.

Some groups have only the moms choose. While this can work, I think it gets more difficult to do it this way as the girls grow and want to branch out from the books their moms are finding.

In my groups, we tended to have moms and girls choose together, and we rotated each month.

You can also pick books by consensus, with everybody bringing one or two books for consideration, and then the group votes. I know of several groups who list recommended books, put the titles on slips of paper, then draw slips to determine which book they will read. You can even set up your whole year like this if you go that route.

There is no right or wrong answer. The most important thing is to talk about how you'll choose books and decide as a group how you'll proceed.

Where can you go to look for book club book recommendations? Well, I certainly hope you'll check out my website http://www.motherdaughterbookclub.com. My book recommendations and reviews are there, as well as some sent in by other readers. I also have a list broken down by age group in the back of Book by Book: The Complete Guide to Creating Mother-Daughter Book Clubs.

In addition, it's great if you establish a relationship with a youth librarian. She'll know about new books coming out as well as perennial favorites in your daughters' age group. If she knows about other titles that have been successful in your book group, she can probably recommend other books that are likely to be successful.

I like to go into my local bookstore and see what the employees there are recommending.

Recently, my daughter Catherine and I chose The Cardturner by Louis Sachar for our book club. We found it by reading a shelf tag at Powell's that said it was funny and thoughtful and taught readers a bit about the card game Bridge.

After leaving Powell's we checked online reviews and then talked to our librarian. I find it's good to have multiple sources you can turn to for help in finding books.

How many people do you want in your mother-daughter book club? Think about a few things before you answer the question.

1. If you want to have a good discussion you need to have enough people to generate variety. That's usually at least 6 or three mom-daughter pairs.
2. If you're meeting in your home you want to comfortably accommodate everyone when you get together.
3. Medium-sized groups (5 to 6 mom-daughter pairs)are usually the hardest to schedule. Smaller groups deal with fewer calendars to coordinate. Larger groups don't usually expect everyone to attend every time.

Also think about whether you're open to new members joining any time someone asks, if you want to put a cap on the number of members in your group, and how comfortable you and your daughter are in large and small groups.

What happens in a book club of any type when the members have very different reading tastes? It's good to think about your own feeling before you join a book group. Are you flexible on the kinds of books you'll read? Do you like to read one genre only and don't want to spend time reading other types of books?

My own mother-daughter book clubs read all types of books, with the exception of crime and romance. Over the years we've picked up current fiction, historical fiction, memoir, philosophy, fantasy, science fiction and more. Our group members like—for the most part— being introduced to books they wouldn't normally pick up off the bookstore shelf.

I've attended meetings where the group only reads fantasy novels, and I've heard from clubs who focus on a theme.

Even if your club has a specific type of book you always pick, that doesn't mean everyone will like every book. In fact, it's best if everyone doesn't. There's usually not much to discuss if you all say, "I liked this part of the book," or "I thought it was great when..."

Real discussion usually comes from disagreement, and book club is a great place to learn how to disagree on opinion respectfully.

Moms often wonder how old their daughters need to be for them to start a mother-daughter book club. If there is an ideal age, then it's 9. Girls that age are often accomplished at reading and they can formulate their thoughts well enough to participate in a group discussion that goes pretty in-depth. They also usually like doing things with their moms.

However, almost any age from 5 up works if both mom and daughter really want it to. If you want to get started when your daughter is really young, you may just want to structure your group like reading time at the library, where you read a picture book aloud during meeting time then talk about it. Then you can play a game or make a food that might match the book.

And if your daughter is in middle school or high school? Jump on it if she wants to be in a reading group with you. You can talk about so many things she's unlikely to open up to you about in her personal life merely by reading about the same things. It's just easier to talk about characters in a book and what they are going through than it is to talk about your own personal situation.