James’s Comments (group member since Mar 28, 2011)

James’s comments from the Q&A with James Brown group.

Hey Martin,

I get irritated by those commercials, too, especially that guys selling that book on his "alcoholic cure." You're right, they're setting people up to relapse big time, if once clean and sober they think they're entirely cured.

Thanks, Toni. And thanks, again, for using my book in your college classes. That's a real honor.

Hey Lee,
What a story. Thanks for sharing it. I'm flattered and impressed that you liked LAD so much, and I appreciate your taking the time to write me.

For all your support, I send my best,
Jim

Thanks once again, Naomi, for the encouraging words. You're right about relapse, and just the other night, a fellow approached me at a meeting and told me he appreciated my sharing on relapse, as he'd relapsed himself many times and felt shamed, that he didn't deserve to return to the rooms. Of course I encouraged him. Most alcoholics I've ever encountered have relapsed several times, minimum, before finally grabbing hold of some firm sobriety. Hey, and thanks for referring my books to IODAPPCA.

Hey Martin,
Yeah, at the end of LAD, I'm supposed to be clean and sober, having made the commitment to finally and "forever" change my ways, but as you know that's not the way it turned out. It used to trouble me, that I'd slipped, and multiple times before collecting years of sobriety, but now I wonder if it wasn't necessary, that maybe I just wasn't ready to get clean yet, that I had to re-learn the lesson I already knew before finally "surrendering," as they call it in A.A. Now I don't think in terms of "forever"; the true alcoholic/addict can never say with one hundred percent certainty that he won't drink or use again, but we can be reasonable and say I won't drink for today. And that's where I leave it.
Hope to see you at the reading at Redlands.

Hey Naomi,
As you already know, the addict doesn't have to relapse, and of course I strongly suggest the recovering addict and alcoholic do everything they can to avoid it, but if they do slip, as I have multiple times before collecting years of sobriety, then you just have to pick yourself up and start over. The trick, as you know, is never losing hope. I'm rambling. To answer your question, I wish I hadn't relapsed after writing the LAD, that all turned out as I'd planned at the ending in "South Dakota," and if I could change that, not relapsing and causing more pain for family, friends, loved ones and myself, you bet I would.

Hey Martin,
Nice to hear from you. Actually I have plans to write a third memoir, this one focused on recovery, and staying recovered, and the wonderful relationship I'm building with my youngest son, Nate, in training for wrestling, and, more importantly, life. Father/son will be the central focus, but it'll be about much more, as you know I try to make stories work on several levels simultaneously.

Hey David,
I was about to suggest the same as Naomi, that you join Gamblers Anonymous, but apparently that isn't possible. What you could do is get a hold of their literature, and, yes, though it's a 12 step program, you don't initially have to believe in a "higher power" in any traditional sense; that "higher power" could be the group conscience, or a "power" of your own making and understanding. Like alcoholism, any addiction needs constant maintenance; it doesn't "go away" by itself. You have to keep your distance from all your gambler friends, too, or you'll be tempted to return to the game. Yes, writing about your addiction could help, if only in gaining a keener perception and deeper understanding of the depth of your compulsion. But, frankly, you need the support of others with your same compulsion who are battling it and succeeding. Short of that, I suggest regularly seeing a counselor trained in addiction. Fight the good fight. You're worth it.
Best,
Jim

Hey Naomi,
My oldest at 26 now, who saw the worst of me, read both books and is a forgiving and loving son. We have a great relationship. My middle boy at 22 also is forgiving and doesn't begrudge me my shortcomings(actually he believes I left out a lot of his mother's story where he contends she played a larger role in our troubles), and thank God my youngest at 15 saw his father sober far more than under the influence. I love all my children dearly, and I'm extremely lucky that they all love me. I'm a lucky man and doing my best to put my life together and keep it that way. And, yes, I do use my past as an opportunity to warn them of the insidious nature of drug addiction and alcoholism (both the same in my book, as alcohol is indeed a drug, too).

Yes, I was concerned about friends and family, and for friends I changed names and sought their input. For my own immediate family, most had passed by the time I wrote LA Diaries, and my mother was aged and didn't read the book (she too has since passed on). But there was fall-out. My niece and brother-in-law no longer speak to me, and I've written them both. There's a cost to everything, and the price of writing about your life as you see and understand it can be high.

Thanks, Naomi, Jen and Valerie. All of you have been extremely encouraging, and I appreciate it.

Please forgive me, but it was an equal fight. Pound for pound. Toe-to-toe. And that pig was smart, smarter than me. And, yeah, I could kill that kid. (But, seriously, you're right; it's pure and simple: we should never abuse animals.) Now it's tax time, so I'm signing off until tonight.

Yes,unfortunately, the pig story is true. Daisy's fate was ending up at the petting zoo at Santa's Village. One of us had to go. I wanted to make bacon of her but my family refused to eat her. (I'm a pet lover, too, but now I stick to dogs; we have three of them).

Hey Naomi,

It's risky. But the nature of memoir requires that the writer be truthful, and so that's what I did. I tried to tell it like it happened, knowing, yes, that I'd be judged. My colleagues at the university, as well as the administrators, were actually kind, and praised me for being honest (the university President actually took me out to lunch). I'm lucky. But, you're right, I'm sure there are plenty others who have and will continue to judge me, and it does concern me, but I don't let it get to me.

Hi, welcome to my Goodreads author chat. If you have any questions about my writing, or the subject I write about most often, alcoholism and addiction, I'd be glad to correspond with you. Please also feel free to introduce yourself in this welcome section.

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