Christopher’s Comments (group member since Mar 19, 2018)

Christopher’s comments from the It's Just Us Here group.

I forgot about this! haha. I logged on today and was like, what's going on with my notifications? So much activity! Thanks Corinne! I'm still here, too. :)

These are a couple questions for when you finish Books 1-3. Feel free to comment or message me your opinions... especially #3 and #4.

1) Too long? Taxing?

2) Does it feel like there's still story left, even though Book Three ends on such a huge milestone? Would you continue?

3) Did you notice any of the story structure or did it feel natural?

I planned this ten book narrative with a huge focus on symmetry. I placed the Big Fight smack dab at 50%. Alex (and family stuff) comes into the picture almost at the exact 75% mark when you go by word count. And the friends to lovers arc climaxes at 25%.

When you reach the end of Book Three, you should feel like there are some large, internal character questions left unexplored/unanswered. These are the 30,000 feet questions that develop and are addressed over the full ten books.

4) What do you think those huge questions are? What are you expecting to be addressed further in the story?

I also made sure the 'friends to lovers' three book arc had its own midpoint and pinch points at 25%, 50% (the middle of Book Two) and 75%. And each individual book follows the same structure.

Behind the spoilers aren't really spoilers because it'll be stuff in the blurbs of the books... but maybe some people won't want to know even that.
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5) Did Book One feel like it could be a standalone romance, except with an asexual's dream romance ending?

6) Did Book Two feel like it could be a standalone horror, where everyone knows what's going to happen, things creep along to the inevitable ending... and yet it's still devastating?

7) Did Book Three feel like it could be a standalone 'fake boyfriend' romance?
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Xia, you're the best.

I never had this problem before. Guess I've been going to church too long, so when I write with my own voice, it seems like all hell's should be Hell. Lol.

So in the future, anytime I say "in Hell" it's going to be capitalized. I think that'll give you the respect for religion that I'm going for. Otherwise it's "What the hell." "Who the hell." etc. (Still doesn't feel right to me... ha.)

Problem solved! Thanks!

Big decision time!

So I'm going to spoil something for you. (view spoiler)[I go to church almost every Sunday because it is important to Mark. Church wasn't a part of his when I met him, but it is now. But the time this part of the story is set in is obviously before the church stuff. (hide spoiler)]

So it feels like I should capitalize Hell and Heaven. Maybe not in the case "mad as hell." Definitely capitalized when referring to the place, "No way in Hell."

But what about "What the Hell"?

Also, the chapter where this is really bad has, like, ten Hell's... so I was like, Why the Hell did I use this phrase so much? Then I read a few lines and we were talking about the (view spoiler)[plagiarism allegation. (hide spoiler)] -.-

Corinne wrote: " Doesn't testosterone do it's thing whether the brain wants to or not. And, you see his interest but your non-responsive...."

You're right about the 'by design' thing. The tail end of Book One (skipped in BoB) has Mark kind of losing control around me a few times. Being extra physical.

I put him in his place. That's how our relationship was for a while. He would get 'too hot' so I would pull back. Then he would try to push me further the next time I opened up. I tried to shake him, but he really latched on to me.

By my own internal standards, I was extremely responsive. Little by little, I gave him everything, holding nothing back and expecting him to get uncomfortable first. I had to know what it meant--that he was gay--but I was more than happy to pretend otherwise. To pretend like we were just really close friends because that was my ideal kind of partnership. I'm good at pretending.

I don't know how Mark didn't lose his mind, or eventually give up.

With regard to me "playing it as a mystery"...

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I don't know if this will ruin the story for you, but Mark did have something in his past that I didn't know about during the first few months and which made him even more drawn to me. He could feel how much I admired him, and was affectionate, and was close... and this made him all the more determined ease me out of the closet (though from my POV, there was no closet).

This is 'the mystery', though I don't think it's that much of a surprise, though it was a surprise to me.
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Also, this friends-to-lovers thing happens over one summer, which feels incredibly fast to me. Most romances you might be used to have lust/attraction in the first few pages and that's how you know the to heroes are going two get together. That's just not how my story went. 0.o

At all.

If you're willing to subject yourself to even more headbanging, you're welcome to have a beta read through the first three books (friends to lovers). :)

Gabi:
Affirmation: You got me. Any time you write something, you go through ups and downs. Sometimes you look at it and think: "This is the best thing ever written in all of human history!" Then you look at it in a different way and think: "Why did I tell it that way! Why, Chris? Why?"

Haha. At least the Bucks lost last night, so I'll have one less thing to bring down my mood.

Haha. You guys rock.

This traitorous thought popped in my head as I edited a section in the second book where it felt like a potential reader might like a little more contemporaneous information. I'd be interested to see what you think when you get there.

There's a portion in a much later book where I reveal a scene with Mark and a wedding band (while following Mark's POV)... so you, the reader, will know a couple things before I (in the past) do. Though I'm also the narrator... so that's confusing. But I think it's done right and in a playful way. It also makes me look foolish and Mark look clever, which is a plus...

But in Book Two, pulling this POV trick would not be playful, and would actually be sad. I like the idea of the reader believing Mark to be so carefree and non-serious because that was one of the things that I found attractive about him and admired. He has a very buoyant personality.

Thing to look for: Does Mark being a glutton for punishment get too overwhelming at any point in the first three books? If so, I can maybe come up with a POV trick to make it go down smoother, or more understandably.

I think playing it as a mystery where the reader discovers what's the driver behind Mark's motives at the same time I do is the right call. Even if I now wonder if you won't be banging your head against the wall just wanting me to 'get to the good stuff' and quit punishing him (and myself).

(view spoiler)[
Gabi said she liked the 'first kiss' memory, but now that I've read the chapters after it, and look at them like a reader... those chapters could kind of read like a slow-march horror, or like there's going to be a train wreck.

Again, we'll see what you think. Just know, I promise you'll get the promised HEA! No matter what! (hide spoiler)]


And as Gabby suggested, the memories with Alex will have some split POV, but I'm debating how much. At that point in the story we suddenly have three main characters forming a relationship, instead of two. Alex and Mark interact a lot, sometimes for important moments without me.

I guess I'm struggling with the later books because I want you to 'live' all the good moments with Mark, me and Alex, even if I wasn't there! And I want Mark to have his time with Alex without me interfering with the narration. And in the last book, I *have* to follow Mark's POV for significant amount of time because he was the hero of that portion.

Tough choices.

And as for annob's 'otherworldly good-looking' comment... I think you're putting words in my mouth. I distinctly remember saying 'as ugly as a rhinoceros' . ;)

So you'll notice as you read the first three books that there's a lot of stuff that I leave out, especially with regard to Mark's motivations (though a lot of them are revealed at the end of Book Three).

1) I reveal some of *his* story in the natural flow of *my* story. I think that's good and natural.
2) Some of his perspective is left up to the reader to put together instead of me explicitly 'thinking' it or 'speaking' it.


As a reader, do you think this is a good balance? Would you prefer a more explicit understanding of what Mark was going through? How well can you really know a person that you just met? I didn't know Mark as well in those first months as I do now, so I tried to capture the way you understand someone better the longer you know them.

I think what I attempted to do with the 'hindsight narration' parts is to show that while I'm living my story, there's also a second story spinning next to mine that would read completely differently.

Does that make sense? I'm trying to give you my full perspective, but also enough information to make an informed guess about what Mark's story would look like, if he wrote one.

I hope that makes my narration compelling, in some way? It seems like everyone has read a story like what Mark went through... boy meets boy, boy falls for boy, boy gets the boy. So how much do I really need to be explicit about?

I struggle with this balance and have thought about it a lot. I'd appreciate any reader input on this general idea. Thanks!

I like Tim, too. His wife is one of my closest friends now.

It's true he was issuing a warning, but the heart wants what it wants. I wouldn't hear a bad thing about Mark... or maybe I heard, but wouldn't listen.

And you caught on to that about Ryan? ;) He's a goofball.

annob wrote: "I feel about as patient as a four-year-old right about now though... Is it NOW yet? ;D"

It is officially NOW! Haha.

Don't believe everything you see on Instagram. You have no idea how many pictures I've had to take over and over again. lol.

I think you'll like Tim. ;)

You'll get to know him in the first three books. Let's see what you think.

Not interrupting me at all. You're keeping me going!

Winner, winner!

In a courtyard birds were singing your name... That's how I always remembered it. My bad on the 'clue'.

Yeah, talk about a blast from the past. I think my favorite of those artists is Natalie Merchant, but As I Lay Me Down will always have a special place in my heart. ;)

In other news, I did a final edit on the first Ending today, probably the longest. 36,580 words. One down and nine to go!

Also, Xia, I thought it would take a few months before one of my readers was an investigator... not one of the first three!

Haha! You guys are crazy. (And making me feel old...)

Here's the giveaway hint. She also sang this song:
https://youtu.be/Lt6r-k9Bk6o?t=34

But my favorite song of hers starts with her thinking about a memory of spring time. ;)

Ps: We're reworking that song for Alex by using the older song as inspiration. A couple lyrics are similar to ones that were removed by the original recording artist, including "it's just us here". Our new song is going to be called "It's Just Us Here". Which is kind of why the whole story is called what it is... so there's no pressure on making that song a good one, is there?

Hahaha. It was not Leona Lewis popular. Let's just say that for now.

Hmm... a song clue? Like a treasure hunt? How about one of my favorite songs... I don't think I mentioned it in my writing.

How do you make a song clue? lol.

"On this late winter morning, in a terraced garden, flying beaked animals were calling your info from a birth certificate."

Hahaha. I guess you also probably know I'd rock out to just about any artist from Lillith Fair from the late nineties.

That should be impossible!

Also, thanks for this feed! Made my day. :) And I'm a total hipster... I heard that Hozier song probably a year before you did. :P At least six months!