Rustin’s Comments (group member since Oct 16, 2012)

Rustin’s comments from the First Page of Your Book. group.

Donna wrote: "Rustin, I love love love your opening paragraph. Gave me goosebumps! I haven't made it that far down the list yet, but I had to stop and let you know."

Thanks Donna. I'm glad you liked it.

You can find them on Amazon.com

Book One: Dragon

http://www.amazon.com/Book-One-Dragon...

Cat's Paw

http://www.amazon.com/Cats-Paw-Rustin...

My novel and novella will both be free for three days starting 11/29 -12/01! Pass the word along and if you happen to like it then give it a rating or review or both.

Book One: Dragon

He was an enemy.

She saved his life.

The rest is history.

Rooks have embraced science and technology, even inventing helpful, microscopic, robots called nanos to create nearly any machine they want to meet their needs.

The Terraquois are their opposite. They have embraced the spiritual and have a deep bond with nature. It is this bond that allows them to transform into the animal that resembles their own, inner selves.

These two races have fought each other, often with brutal savagery, for centuries. But things change when the Rook prince, Rone Varlamagne, is shot out of the sky and left for dead in the desert by an unknown force. Keiara, the daughter of the Terraquois chieftain, is the one to find him but instead of killing him, she decides to save his life. It is one act. One conscious choice, but it changes everything for them and the entire face of Purga.

Together, they face foes from every direction...and they will stop at nothing to protect each other.

Cat's Paw

A dark/paranormal fantasy, Cat's Paw centers around a 15 year old boy named Tad.

In his neighborhood, something has happened. Something tragic.

He sees the effects that this horrible event has in his neighborhood but is powerless to stop it. Until a strange cat shows up. The cat follows him around everywhere, refusing to leave him alone. And with its appearance, strange things start happening. Haunting nightmares. Instructions from a dead girl. And the cat that seems to tie them all together. Its up to Tad to figure out what's going on and how to stop it.

Because, a secret has been buried and uncovering its truth is the only way to stop what's happening.

Enjoy everyone. Rustin

Hello everyone. I wanted to let you all know that I just created my new author/graphic design website. It features free samples from Cat's Paw and Book One: Dragon and a blog that will have freebie short stories posted weekly. I will also have a section in mu blot called should be published authors. This will feature slef-published authors that I feel have awesome potential and should be published through a big publishing house. I'll also be posting my book and movie reviews there as well. It'll be full of great material and I hope you guys check it out.

Thanks, Rustin

rustin-petrae.webs.com

My name is Rustin Petrae, a self-published author and graphic designer from Ohio. I am offering affordable, high-quality book cover designs to anyone that would like one. I am very talented and can make you a very professional looking cover.

Covers: $80 Cover and Interior: $100 All other graphics: I will give you a quote based on the amount of work.

Visit: rpgraphicdesign.daportfolio.com to view samples of my work.

I am also offering a 10% discount to the first person that replies to my post.

A Voracious Reader (a.k.a. Carol) wrote: "Hi everyone! I just wanted to stop in quick and say I haven't abandoned you all. Some home improvement projects that we thought would be quick were, well...not. lol I should be back tomorrow to rea..."

Cool. Good to see you back.

Cynthia wrote: "Rustin wrote: "Here is the first page to my YA novel, Book One: Dragon. It's about a somewhat spoiled prince that survives an assassination attempt only to end up in the hands of his people's grea..."

Thanks, Cynthia. I appreciate the comments. I am in he editing phase and caught hat early on. I added a little more detail on what the mechpaks are. Essentially they are what houses the nanos and where they go when they are not in use.

Diane wrote: "Rustin wrote: "Paula wrote: "My short story, "Bird, White and Running," began with one word that just came into my mind. The word was Renner. For days, I didn't know what the word was. Then it occu..."

Yep. That's how almost all of my stories get their beginnings.

For today only you can go to Amazon.com and download a free Kindle version of my novella, Cat's Paw. I hope whoever gets their free copy really enjoys it. If you could, could whoever downloads it give out a review on Amazon.com, Goodreads, etc? Thanks.

Paula wrote: "My short story, "Bird, White and Running," began with one word that just came into my mind. The word was Renner. For days, I didn't know what the word was. Then it occurred to me that it was a name..."

I agree. My novella, Cat's Paw, came to me when a strange calico cat showed up on my back porch and wouldn't leave for a long time. We called her Chloe.

Here is the first page to my YA novel, Book One: Dragon. It's about a somewhat spoiled prince that survives an assassination attempt only to end up in the hands of his people's greatest enemy. Thankfully, however, the girl that rescues him decides to save his life instead.

Rone stood on the massive terrace to his apartment overlooking Roanoke. He sighed miserably and placed his head in his hands. In little more than an hour there was going to be yet another function at the Citadel featuring more tedious fools from the Upper Tier. He groaned loudly at the prospect of yet another boring, drawn out function where the only interesting thing happening was watching (and laughing) as the idiots tried to dance. His mind’s eye showed him the endless train of people parading in front of his father’s throne. It literally took four or more hours for the whole process to finish, and that was just the parade past the throne. It didn’t include the conference, the dinner, or the party that concluded the whole thing.
He went back inside his suite and glanced at the holographic vidscreen covering the entire right wall of the living room.
“Come on down to Blue City for all the latest, and greatest, blueprints!” A man with outrageously blue hair shouted from the screen. His eyes popped out of his head and he had a big, overly-cheery smile plastered to his face.
Rone glanced at the display on his living room wall. It was broken up into several sections. The commercial with the blue-haired man (a very minor Duke named Astor Ronnan, he remembered) finished and an archaic Terraquois PSA took its place. He ignored the outdated and overly dramatized cartoon and turned instead to the weather section of the display. It showed only a bright yellow ball and stated that the temperature was seventy-nine degrees. He stepped closer to the screen and placed a finger on a little arrow in the bottom right corner of that section. The display expanded and showed several days’ worth of forecasts and included an hour by hour weather prediction. He read over it carefully. It said that the skies were clear for the rest of the day.
“Perfect.” He murmured. “Bastion.” He called.
“Your Highness.” A male voice answered. There was a low humming sound and the vents on the mechpaks embedded into both forearms opened, spewing a cloud of microscopic robots called nanobots (or nanos for short) into the air. They eventually coalesced into the head of a young man that closely resembled Rone’s own face. There were subtle differences. Bastion (his avatar) had blonde hair so light, it was nearly white. His eyebrows were almost invisible. His eyes were a brown so dark, it made them look like two black marbles. Bastion’s cheekbones were a bit higher than Rone’s own and the avatar had also taken on a long, slightly hooked nose. Rone’s was a bit shorter and rounded at the end. Also, his own hair was a dark brown that had a coppery tint to it in any kind of direct light.
“Open a direct channel to my father, King Rowan.”
“As you wish, Your Highness.” Bastion said before dissolving and flowing back into the mechpaks.
The screen in front of him suddenly went dark. When it came back on, his father was peering at him. His one remaining eye (a light blue nearly the same shade as Rone’s own eyes) glittered inquisitively at him. A circular patch made of dark metal covered the ruined hole where his other one used to be. Rone stared intently at the thick scars that twisted from his father’s scalp and wound diagonally over his face and neck, ending a couple of inches beneath the King’s collar bone. There were four sets of scars, made from the Terraquois warrior king, Tarvo, in his bear form. The fight between the two was the stuff of legend.

Jill wrote: "Rustin, thanks for the comments."

You're welcome. Anytime.

Jill wrote: "Dangerous Shift by Jill James

Prologue

Fort San Laura Army Base
San Laura, California
May 2017

Sean Evans turned away as tears rolled down his ex-partner Colin Rodriguez’s face. The man sat by h..."

Jill, I really liked the start of your novel. It had aspects that immediately drew me in and others that really kept the story going. There were some really great descriptions in there. However, I would have to agree with Janet as well. The flow of the story did get a little tangled and I had a hard time keeping track of who's who also. Also, and this is something I struggle with as well, it would probably help to cut down on lenghty descriptions. I go through my own writings several times and cut out things like that wherever I can. Too many descriptions can really slow the pace of a book.

I just finished my YA novel Book One: Dragon and I'll be posting it on here soon! And I'll also be posting the first page of my adult sci-fi novel Indestructible: Past. I hope everyone likes them.

Janet wrote: "Rustin wrote: "Thanks Kris. I appreciate your comments and I'm glad you liked my first page. I would love to get it professionally edited but unfortunately I don't have the money to do that. I hav..."

That's great advice. I will certainly look into that. I'll also message you. I don't have a lot of contacts in that regard (I grew up overseas so that's where my contacts stol are). I have a lot to offer as a graphic designer though. Maybe that will help.

Paula wrote: "For Justin, (Cat's Paw)
Justin, this opening drew me in. Nice work. Your descriptions are really good and I'm curious and intrigued. That final line in first paragraph (In the summer of 2001, Vick..."

Paula, thank you for the comments and he helpful hints. I am really glad that you liked my first page. I appreciate it and I'm glad that you took he time to read it.

A Voracious Reader & RPSR wrote: "@Rustin ~ I loved your first page. It gripped me and now I want to know more. Much more. I have children of varying ages and your 15-yr-old sounds like mine, so I don't have a problem with your voi..."

Thank you for the comments. I'm really glad you liked my page. Would you like to review the whole novella? I have a free mobile version I could send you. And thanks again.

Thanks Kris. I appreciate your comments and I'm glad you liked my first page. I would love to get it professionally edited but unfortunately I don't have the money to do that. I have to do it myself and I am always afraid I'll miss something.

Kris wrote: "Hi Diane,
Thank you for moderating this page... what a find! Below is the first page of my contemporary suspense novel, Purple Shadows. Appreciate your feedback!
Kris


Prologue

The bluster..."

I really liked the first page of your book. I thought the dialog and characters are believable and you really start to feel for them. One of the things that I did notice however, is that too many long words next to each tended to trip me up. I've done as much in my own writing more times that I can count and I always try to eliminate them. I don't know if you feel the same, but I just thought I'd pass that along. Really great job though. What was her thesis topic? (Just curious)

Hello, my name is Rustin. I found the link to this group on another page and thought it was really interesting. I really like getting feedback on my writing so I thought I would give it a try. This is the first page of my self-published novella Cat's Paw. It's a dark/paranormal fantasy. I'd like to know what people think of it.
Thanks.


Tragedy. It’s a small word, but it has big meaning. I could see the effects of that in the summer of 2001. It spread through my little neighborhood like a plague, infecting. Contaminating. The truly bad part, the absolute worst part, was that it also created other emotions. Sometimes devastating emotions. Hysteria. Panic. Fear. Depression. Sadness. I was fifteen then. Fifteen and nothing in the world to worry about. Good, loving parents. A safe and stable home. I thought I lived in a bubble and one where nothing truly bad ever happened.
The summer of 2001 changed all that. It popped that bubble in one cruel stroke.
In the summer of 2001, Vicki Campbell was murdered.

***

I was sitting on the couch with my dad one late morning. It was Saturday and breakfast was still digesting in our stomachs. We were watching the news. My dad had an intent look in his eyes as he watched the various stories. Normally I would’ve been up in my room, watching my own TV or playing some video games. Hell, maybe even reading a book. I’d been known to read a book or two. That morning, though, there was nothing I would’ve rather been doing than sitting in front of the TV with my dad and watching the news.
“There is still no sign of young Vicki Campbell.” The reporter was saying. She was very pretty, that woman. She had short blonde hair, bright blue eyes and a set of full lips I’d fantasized exploring with my own at least a dozen times. “Ten year old Vicki Campbell disappeared from her backyard two days ago. There has been no sign and no clues as to her current whereabouts. Police Chief Bill Yearling had this to say.”
The picture switched to the police chief. He was on old man, his face seamed with wrinkles and lines but there was still a sharp intelligence lurking in his eyes, despite how tired and worn out they looked. He addressed the camera, his eyes seeming to punch out at me from the TV.
“If anyone has seen Vicki.” He paused so he could hold up a current picture of the girl. I focused on that picture, although I didn’t need to. I’d seen Vicki around the neighborhood many times, had even played and talked with her. The picture showed a smiling girl with reddish brown hair and bright green eyes. Her teeth were a little crooked, but I thought it lent her smile more beauty than ugliness. She had rosy red cheeks and dimples on both sides of her mouth. “If anyone has seen her I would urge you to come forward. All we want right now is her safe return.”
I turned away from the TV and watched my dad’s face closely. It was intent, stern. His jawline clenched and unclenched several times. His eyes were the worst though. His eyes held a simmering blaze of anger that scared the crap out of me. It was an alien look. I’d never seen him with that anger in his eyes.
“Dad?” I asked, hesitatingly. I didn’t want to say anything, but I couldn’t stand to see him like that anymore. I didn’t think I could stand it another second.
He turned his head to me.
“Yea?” He asked. His voice was tightly controlled. He seemed to see my concern and that made him pause. His eyes lost focus for a second and when they came back, they were back to normal.
“Nothing.” I replied, my voice cracking audibly. “I was just worried about you, that’s all. You okay?”
“Yea.” He replied. “The whole Vicki Campbell story is hitting me really hard. Why don’t you go ahead and play outside. Get yourself some fresh air.”
I nodded, thinking the idea was a good one. I could use some time with my pals. Some time to vent, I guess. I got up and headed for the door.
“Tad.” My dad called. I turned and looked at him. “Stay with your friends. Don’t go off by yourself, you hear?”
I nodded.
“And be home before dark. Mom’s bringing a pizza home.”